“Post” OCD experience. During lockdown I had a painful year of pure obsessive HOCD, often spent fantasising about a time where I would be free of my obsession. A year later, having medicated and put my self through ERP, free of my OCD, I’m still painfully unsatisfied. I’m in a happy relationship, I go to university, I play football, have nice friends. etc… but life is so foggy now. I’m extremely out of touch with my emotions now(having previously been obsessively in touch with them), I can hardly remember each day that goes by, nothing seems real anymore. Can anyone else relate?

I suffer since 10 - 15 yrs from specific fears. It was years that my OCD constantly wanted to be checked if I have HIV or not. I had a lot of sex and I thought this is normal. But I ruminated in my backhead about and was testing like 5 - 10 times a year. After the test I felt everytime so relieved. In Corona I was addicted to porn and even I lost control and was watching pretty hard stuff. I was chatting with a girl and we fantasized about really disturbing things. I never wanna meet her and for me was sure it's just kinda onlinestuff. I was in a relationship 3 years now. And I lost fear of HIV. But then came Morality OCD, Real Event (this chat) and after some times POCD. This combination was knocking me out, I felt like the badest person on earth. I did everything wrong and searched for relief and reassurance. It put me to the point of suicidal. I never ever hurting somebody, but my brain was making me a monster. I had to quit the relationship because I just couldn't give her what she deserved. I was in a clinic for 3 months. And we tested medication with ERP (before I took escitalopram for years). Anafranil was working first, then too many side-effects. I tried even without meds, but was so depressed. Now on sertralin for 5 weeks, but only 2 weeks on therapeutic dose 200mg. And wow, now I really feel so confused in the brain. I feel like how big my OCD became. The specific thoughts are not anymore, BUT it sticks on EVERYTHING atm. It's delusional how it feels in the brain. I really hope so deep my brain makes finally a reset and I need to wait it out. I could live with OCD for a long time but the last 1-2 yrs it took absolutely everything. I remark that POCD doesn't stick anymore like before but my brain is now constructing a very bad future because of past mistakes (that I all discussed with family, friends for relief over and over and over again). So it's like my OCD is now Real Event (The sexchat) again. Anyone was on the same point in life?

After I started experiencing SOOCD for the past 5 years, I have had absolutely no sexual drive and no (barely anything) attraction to men. I’ve also sort of been emotionally numb for a very long time and I think it’s due to the years of anxiety and horrible depression. Ive been living like a rock, im just floating through life. I have no interests, no hobbies, zero motivation, no goals, and i feel like im going to be stuck like this forever. TMI !!!!!! I think the last time I felt actual genuine arousal/excitement was when I reconnected with my ex a couple years back and that was literally just for a day because SOOCD shut that down quickly. Since my SOOCD started when i was young i never fully felt aroused when I was being intimate. I wanted to do it and I wanted to feel things so badly but I couldn’t/i couldn’t get fully turned on. A month ago I was starting to feel happier, the intrusive thoughts/compulsions were very rare, and I was rarely experiencing the grounds response or or triggered (even though i still had no libido or attraction). I was doing pretty good and I recently got into a new relationship and my boyfriend literally woke up the attraction, I slowly felt myself becoming less numb. Just hanging out with him I started thinking “wow he’s so cute” “i want him to kiss me” “i wish he would hold my hand” “his smile is nice why is he so fine”. I felt something so sweet and It made me so so happy. We had such sweet dates and I was starting to feel like I was getting myself back. I still didn’t have a sexual drive (it was waking up slowlllyyy) and my flare up was starting to get worse so I couldn’t fully enjoy being intimate. My flare up has gotten pretty bad again lately i’m questioning all the things I felt with him and all the attraction and feelings are being clouded by intense anxiety, doubt, and worry. It triggers the SOOCD thoughts so bad and in the shower i was worrying that my anxiety, checking (of arousal, attraction, emotions, etc), other compulsions, and numbness are going to ruin my relationship. It just makes me worry that i’ll never get those feelings back. TMI!!!!! i just want to feel h*ny again man and I want to feel those feelings I felt for my man 😭 Literally 6 years of numbness, depression, anxiety and I finally felt somewhat normal 😭 he was waking things up and my intrusive thoughts messed it all up again. Anyways, I just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if ERP helped at all. I have a therapist now (thank you nocd) and I’m finally going to do ERP, try to fix my depression, and stuff like that. I’m trying to take the advice of someone who commented on one of my posts. They say that i need to continue my life no matter what ocd tells me. It’s getting harder again but I just hope the work im about to put in will allow me to finally enjoy my life.

Hey y'all Just wanted to ask - I've been having sexual intrusive thoughts for many months now and I'm in recovery, luckily things have gotten way way more manageable but one issue still remains There are moments where you 100% don't want these thoughts to appear. And my brain has learned, through weeks of avoidance and checking, that every time I go and try engaging with anything sexual, I must wonder about every single thing that's happening. What do I mean by this? Example: You start experiencing legitimate arousal that aligns with your desires, identity etc. Immediately, your brain goes "Okay, but did you just have an intrusive thought just now or what? What if you did?" so you check, which only leads to the intrusive thought actually appearing. Sometimes I have this weird effect where I feel like I had an image or thought pop into my head but I can't tell whether it actually happened, even if I don't think it did. I'm so hyper-vigilant about my own thoughts that I basically find intrusive thoughts where there were none. It's really messed me up, because I feel like I can't actually enjoy things that I used to before, and I'm not even that anxious because of ERP which makes this even more confusing. It feels like the intrusive thoughts have become "normal" or "fine" which I know they haven't, but then, I still used to be able to engage with sexuality and enjoy it to some extent, even if I had intrusive thoughts. That ability has gone down over time, especially with ERP for some reason, and I don't know why. I'm scared that this means a genuine change in preferences or paraphilia, but like... I know it probably doesn't? Has anyone in recovery from Pure OCD / sexual OCD had anything similar happen? Thanks in advance.