TW - existential OCD
also long post
Lately the things that have been triggering my OCD haven't been quite as intense, but now things that normally don't bother me are making me anxious. I've been having intrusive thoughts about my existence and why I'm here. I ruminate about my perception of the world and how other people perceive me and just who I am in general and why. Why am I me specifically? Why wasn't I born as anybody else? I don't hate my life or wish I was somebody else, I just don't understand why I am coincidentally experiencing the world around me along with everybody else. Sometimes I get the thought that I'm the only "real" person and that everybody else is computer generated or in my imagination or a part of a test some higher power is putting me through. It's not because I view people as lesser, I just don't know why I'm here. The universe is full of coincidences and accidents, but what chooses who perceives the world from a specific body? How are we supposed to know that we're experiencing the same feeling when you can only see the world through your own eyes? This is a lengthy post and I apologize for that, these thoughts have just been kinda upsetting and they make me feel even more isolated. Sometimes I wish I could share my mind with somebody so I would have somebody that would fully understand my thought process.