I wish I could take my brain out and give it a nice wash (:

I work a job at my grandparents house cleaning around their house. For example, pledging areas that need it, using glass cleaner to clean dirty glass.etc My biggest problem is my mind as it’s constantly taking over. When I finish cleaning or doing a task, I literally have to ponder on if I completed the whole task (I stand there for a long time going through “ok, did I get this whole spot clean?” and I ponder on things like did I complete the task and have to stand there until I remember yes I did clean this whole spot. I struggle with moving from task to task. Do you guys have any suggestions for how you can tell your brain this is done without pondering if the task really got done or not? Thanks so much!🩵

It’s like my brain is doing everything in its power to convince myself and also justify an attraction to teenagers. I hate myself. I don’t want to be this person, but what if I don’t have a choice. How do I get these thoughts out of my head permanently. I feel like my life will never be the same if they don’t leave forever. I can’t tell what is a real desire and what OCD is trying to convince me is a real desire. I can’t do this every day for the rest of my life. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or I don’t think I do but how do I even tell anymore. This might not even be OCD at this point, I can’t separate my thoughts from OCD thoughts I think because I’ve had OCD for so long so it all just feels like me. Maybe it is me. TMI but I haven’t pleasured myself in like a week because my libido is so low now, I don’t want to do it with these thoughts.

I feel like OCD has destroyed my brain relative to where I was before it. Headaches, worse memory, brain fog, mental fatigue, etc. How scary is that. Then I think "oh it's just 'cause you're worrying about that and it's temporary" Thing is, what happens when the temporary becomes the new normal? I hate this sh**