Hi! I’m Alyssa, I’m 22. I’ve been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember but I thought it was just a quirk about me, and also something that would assist my ambition in getting me where I needed. I am not very organized or clean per say, so OCD is never something I considered for myself. I recently confronted my anxiety about the future with my CBT therapist (who I love) and took a hiatus because I was doing a lot better. Basically, I am obsessed with things happening just the way I expected them to, having my reality completely aligning with my hopes and dreams. Otherwise I can’t feel peace. I’ve been with the same person for about 15 months now, and every single thing about him and us is lovely. However, I keep feeling doubts and crippling anxiety about our future together. I feel like I need to find this certainty and unbounded contentment with him. Isn’t that how you “know”? That’s the construct of love and marriage I created for myself at some point in my life. I’ve had no one in my family get divorced and the pressure of living up to that expectation makes it so hard to move forward with a marriage. I can’t make the wrong move, but how do I know? It’s a lot of unreasonable pressure on my sweet oblivious boyfriend. I feel like I betray him every time I see him because what if I don’t love him the way he loves me? I don’t feel contentment. I keep googling and googling looking for confirmation that, no, this IS normal. Or I immediately rush to a trusted friend to assure me of how great we are together. These intrusive thoughts have been ruining my time with him and I feel compelled to end it just to feel the temporary relief that comes with it. I almost did once, but I couldn’t go through with it when considering the gaping “him”-shaped hole it would leave in my life. Fast forward to me discovering the anxiety love coach podcast on spotify. I never knew that relationship OCD existed and I have never felt so seen or validated. I am hopeful now that I can soothe these future-related invasive thoughts and be happy in my healthy relationship.

Username: LSea2021

Date posted: 697d ago

This is classic ROCD—I feel you sis!! I’d also recommend the Awaken Into Love YouTube channel, website, instagram, and course :) she is amazing. You’re doing great. I cannot describe to you the immense relief I felt after learning about ROCD after months about agonizing over my beautiful relationship and my fiancé (we’d just bought a house!). Remember to be kind to yourself, and take it one day at a time. I’d also recommend chatting about it with your boyfriend if you’re comfortable. My fiancé wished he could’ve known sooner so he could’ve been more directly supportive. The NOCD community is here for you💜💜

Username: plantybeck

Date posted: 697d ago

Great awareness 💕

Username: EM77

Date posted: 697d ago

I too am a perfectionist and have had crippling doubts about my relationship since the beginning 4-5 months ago. It’s rough but I’ve been through other OCD obsessions and I have to believe it’ll pass in time because my partner is amazing and he’s truly worth the struggle. I further recommend the Awaken into Love YouTube channel, also the Anxious Love Coach on Instagram. Meditation helps too, I’m trying to build it into my routine to combat anxiety. We will get through this!

Username: mariaj

Date posted: 697d ago

I relate to this so much, thank you for sharing this post ❤ in particular, the "perfect" idea of the future and life with your and needing to know right now. Hope you get the help you need!