I have been dealing with rocd for about 5 or 6 months and at this point it just feels so real and natural and like I want it and I am very very confused and it’s all I think about and I still try and argue but it’s like I don’t believe myself

For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..

My psychologist tells me because my thoughts are based off of facts/ broken boundaries which is why I am having thoughts of am i in love , am I settling , and feeling guilty I should let him go to find someone who wouldn’t doubt him that I do not have rocd. She states rocd is intrusive , irrational thoughts not based off of real facts and I may have ptsd not ocd. He kissed someone else before we were official and he finds a certain type of female attractive that I find disgusting . So I spin about these issues all day long to the point I’m so unhappy with him and had to break up . It’s been over a month now but I’m still severely anxious and depressed The thing is I can’t stop thinking about this 24/7 with severe anxiety and depression and nothing is helping me . Can someone please tell me their thoughts

I feel like my brain needs to chase dopamine. I’m currently in a long term relationship but I notice myself chasing male attention at work and fantasizing about if my coworker can bring me more joy than my current partner. Deep down inside I know that I love my partner and he’s the only person I want to be with but right now I feel so miserable. I feel like if I dont seek reassurance (watching videos on this topic, scrolling through reddit) then my mind will start to think that I need to leave my partner. I’ve been struggling with ROCD for over a year now and I’m wondering if I should even be with my partner since this has been going on for so long. I dont know how to accept the fact that my relationship isn’t going to feel like how it did in the beginning.