Anyone else dealing with SOOCD feel like their intrusive thoughts must be real deep down and even though they bring you so much distress it’s almost like your brain is convincing itself that they have to be true and they are actually who you are and what you want? I am a straight female and when I think about the fact that I know I could never act on being with another woman and have only ever been in love with men, it’s like my mind is saying that I was faking it with the men and have always really been gay. I’ve also spent so much time ruminating that my mind has rewritten so many scenarios where I know I did not have intrusive thoughts and is making me feel like I actually was having those thoughts. I feel so numb because everything is such a trigger for me right now, and when I see a guy that I think is attractive, my mind is like “nope you don’t actually think that because you are not straight” which is messing with my head so bad because it’s making me feel like my thoughts must actually be true. I want to be with men and only men but every time I try to remind myself of that my brain tells me that I am lying and have never actually felt attracted to men. I just want to go back to feeling normal and being able to admire qualities in women without feeling like it means I am romantically attracted to them and without feeling like it means I do not like men

You need to stop watching videos, it’s making you feel worse.

@OCD33 Do you have any tips on how to stop convincing myself that these things are true when I know they are not? My own mind is working against me and it’s causing me so much anxiety

@OCD33 But watching the videos gives me more insight

@lennygirl Or more anxiety?

@cf05 It feels as real as it can get. I have been 150% convinced. If it didn’t feel real it wouldn’t be the disorder that it is. I just know it’s not what I want and it wouldn’t make me happy. When I feel good I can see that it’s OCD. The ocd thoughts make me feel so sick.

How do you stop yourself from ruminating? Mental compulsions feel impossible to stop.

@cf05 You make a conscious effort to stop. You decide I will not ruminate today, and you do it effortlessly. You do not monitor for it. You more so correct yourself when it occurs, so oh just noticed myself ruminating, im not gonna go down that loop hole, im gonna focus on whatever your doing in the moment. or oh I am ruminating, don’t want too, list 5 things you see or feel around yoy quickly. Over and over and over thought the day correcting yourself. Whatever your theme is your job isn’t to solve it, its up on shelf and anything pertaining to it we don’t solve.

@Riddled Thank you so much for your help!! I am going to start working on this to hopefully relieve some of the constant daily anxiety and start feeling like myself again.