TW Omg omg omg please help. It’s bad. Really bad. And I can’t go anywhere because I’m at work. It started off because I’m working with a coworker whose lesbian. And so I’ve been ping-ponging back-and-forth arguing with myself. I know I’m hetero I don’t like women like underneath this but something bad happened. First I passed her because you know I work as a dishwasher so there’s a corner where we stack the dishes when they’re clean and had to pass her and I imagined kissing her and I don’t like it but I’m scared I felt something in my chest. And I’m scared when I try to imagine kissing a guy I didn’t do much of anything but I feel exhausted and I’ve been taking Flexeril and Tylenol p.m. almost nonstop for a month so I’m like OK you know what not only is this probably messing with me like the OCD it’s probably also the Flexeril the Tylenol ganging up on me as well. And I was really excited about the Batman like I’m incredibly excited it’s not past tense but I’m scared I do I don’t like Zoe. I don’t like Selena. I’m scared I do because I’ve seen her I don’t like her boobs I’ve seen her basically naked and I don’t like it. No I’m imagining her in the dress from the 2021 met gala I keep saying don’t or do you don’t or do I don’t but I keep imagining them facing the camera covered in that sparkly should family coming anything and saying as I imagine hurt I’m scared it’s becoming so I feel weird in my chest describing it as but it doesn’t feel hotter delicious her boobs sticking out I didn’t like it. And then I was excited about the BATMAN right and then I said it’s even better with Catlin and it’s not better with her and there’s a scene where they’re walking through club and I love his walk because he’s serious and then said better with her like I’m it’s not better with her except I’m sorry. The thing is I’d liked his walk his shoulders are moving and he obviously has chest muscles so I’m scared I’m changing I’m sorry. He’s walking and then I said I did the imitation of his walk and since I’m not a guy I have boobs and I said better with her I don’t like her boobs. I don’t want to change and become self! I’m not bisexual that stuff is not hot. It’s not done with her I like his chest but I’m scared I have been not lying to myself I don’t like boobs! I saw her boobs basically I’ve seen her completely naked in the structure of her comfortable boobs they’re natural so they sad but she doesn’t wear bras and friends I don’t like her nipples I don’t like her boobs and I’m scared I’m becoming so and I don’t wanna be! I’m not bisexual I did not better with cat woman I don’t have a thing for her and I don’t understand cause I said so excited. Like when I was younger Halle Berry and play woman and I wanted to be like her but that’s it now I’m scared I keep imag managing her like she is she’s not hot as sexy I don’t want boobs to become sexy I don’t want to see them naked and it keeps imagine Halle Berry as a per year I don’t like her boobs I don’t like nipples I don’t like the ones that kind of turn up words I don’t like boobs they’re not it’s not better with cat women I swear I’m excited about Batman not Catwoman I’m scared I’m becoming so I don’t wanna be bisexual and I’m really freaked out I’m really scared to do I don’t like boobs I don’t want to develop anything for them I’m scared I’m I’m not bored of his I’m scared of you and I’m smiling I don’t like the way they stick off the chest or swish around when a woman walks I’m scared when she was walking all bad as I’m scared I don’t like it I said I don’t mind it I do mind I don’t like it I do mind I don’t want to do anything with girls I don’t like the way to stick off the chest and im frightened I am I don’t wanna start liking the way women walk and shit or the way they look naked I don’t like this shit I’m scared he is I don’t want him to go away

I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!

I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.

I really really need help. Please. So, lately, I've started to notice that I may or may not have a bi side. I'm a girl, and I'm a Christian. I love Jesus and I don't want to do anything that's against his laws so I can't be a bi. I just can't. But lately, I've started to notice that when I see, like, a really beautiful lady, I feel some sort of attraction and tightness in my chest. I can't deny the tug I feel whenever I see a beautiful lady and I don't want it. I don't read or watch anything related to lesbianism and I can't deny that I find gay couples cute but being a lesbian has always been a no for me. It's been getting worse lately and last night I had a dream. So, there's this live TV show that's going on in my country and I had a dream about one of the contestants. Mind you, I have no interest at allll in this contestant. I barely see her on screen and I don't even like fee any connection for her whatsoever. But in the dream I had, she was offering herself to me to y'know, do some stuff and what happened to my body is what is still shocking me. I HAD NEVER FELT SO AROUSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I still can't explain it. I don't know what happened or what's happening to me but I need help. Like serious help. I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be bi. I don't want to. I feel like with each day that passes, I start to discover new, scary sides of me and my OCDs aren't even helping matters. Please, any advice at this point would do. I can't tell my mom or even my youth pastor cuz I'm too scared that they'll start to see me differently and start judging me.