- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. I did the same thing growing up and experienced arousal to both kinds of images/videos. Throughout life I have had these HOCD thoughts on and off and, while they would go away, they would often be in the back of my head just there to make me doubt myself. I have only been in two relationships—both with men whom I loved very much. I do not recall having any HOCD thoughts when I was happily taken, but since I have been single for so long, they are back in full swing and making me question everything. I am terrified because I have kept this all to myself and feel like I may be attracted to women, even though I don’t want to act on it. I’m so scared that I am hiding this about myselfand that I’m actually gay but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud because I would never want to live another second of my life if I was. I don’t know what to do. There just seems to be too much evidence that I am gay to overcome this and ever live a straight life.
- Date posted
- 3y
Like I’ve never wanted to actually pursue anything with women, but I’m just so scared that I now want to
- Date posted
- 3y
I have a very very similar situation. I actually never watched lesbian prn but I always felt like I may have crushes? on girls. Like I found women so pretty and I would watch certain shows to see my favorite women characters. Anyways, I have always been straight and identified as straight. I have a husband now. The best thing that I’ve found helps with HOCD is not labeling yourself. You don’t need a label. Maybe you’re straight, maybe you’re bi, maybe you’re a lesbian who has fallen in love with men before? Lol who knows! But it doesn’t matter because you don’t NEED to know. Feel however you want to feel, let the feelings come and go.
- Date posted
- 3y
You are doing the right thing by seeking therapy, go in with an open mind. I’m currently worrying that mine won’t work either but this OCD bullying us again. Go in with an open mind, you have suffered for enough years now and by the sounds of it, you ready to kick some OCD butt!! Remember it is okay to feel how you are currently feeling ❤️
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 17w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 17w
(20f) I have been dealing with severe OCD symptoms for as long as I can remember. I recently got diagnosed about a year ago, and even though I know that these thoughts are probably my ocd, I still cant shake them. Growing up I was always very sexually curious. I was sheltered from a lot of things, as I went to a private school and things like sexuality and sex were never talked about. I remember doing some weird sexual things growing up (never affecting another person), looking up taboo sexual things, etc. I always seemed to become aroused no matter what the situation was, even if I just saw someone getting changed. I have no recollection of being SA'd, so i'm wondering where this all came from? Was I just curious and wanted to experiment and try different things? Or am I really a pervert, pedophile, etc. I have all these thoughts racing through my head and it's killing me. Everything I did as a kid I look back on and am disgusted, as those don't align with my views at all today. I never thought growing up thinking these things were wrong, or actually realize what they were until I got older. I'd like to think it was just my curiosity, but i'm not sure. What if i'm in denial and actually do like these things? I just need to know if theres something wrong w me, I cant keep going on like this. Could really use some advice.
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