- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. I did the same thing growing up and experienced arousal to both kinds of images/videos. Throughout life I have had these HOCD thoughts on and off and, while they would go away, they would often be in the back of my head just there to make me doubt myself. I have only been in two relationships—both with men whom I loved very much. I do not recall having any HOCD thoughts when I was happily taken, but since I have been single for so long, they are back in full swing and making me question everything. I am terrified because I have kept this all to myself and feel like I may be attracted to women, even though I don’t want to act on it. I’m so scared that I am hiding this about myselfand that I’m actually gay but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud because I would never want to live another second of my life if I was. I don’t know what to do. There just seems to be too much evidence that I am gay to overcome this and ever live a straight life.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Like I’ve never wanted to actually pursue anything with women, but I’m just so scared that I now want to
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I have a very very similar situation. I actually never watched lesbian prn but I always felt like I may have crushes? on girls. Like I found women so pretty and I would watch certain shows to see my favorite women characters. Anyways, I have always been straight and identified as straight. I have a husband now. The best thing that I’ve found helps with HOCD is not labeling yourself. You don’t need a label. Maybe you’re straight, maybe you’re bi, maybe you’re a lesbian who has fallen in love with men before? Lol who knows! But it doesn’t matter because you don’t NEED to know. Feel however you want to feel, let the feelings come and go.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
You are doing the right thing by seeking therapy, go in with an open mind. I’m currently worrying that mine won’t work either but this OCD bullying us again. Go in with an open mind, you have suffered for enough years now and by the sounds of it, you ready to kick some OCD butt!! Remember it is okay to feel how you are currently feeling ❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w ago
Sorry if this is a bit of an odd post, but I’m wondering if there are any girls out there that have specifically struggled with shame around watching porn? A lot of my real-event ocd stems from watching that kind of content in the past, and for some reason it feels particularly taboo as a woman. As a young teen, I saw some genuinely disturbing things, and I think a lot of that was to do with having unrestricted access to the internet. However, despite lots of people telling me “that’s normal teen curiosity” it just never feels like it applies to me, and that I’m genuinely just a sexual deviant. I think because that kind of content is so graphic and overstimulating it’s really stuck in my brain, and I just wish I could turn back the clock and switch off the computer. I’ve recently been struggling with doing typical ‘girly’ stuff because I feel tainted and gross, and I just want to get back to feeling myself again.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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