- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. I did the same thing growing up and experienced arousal to both kinds of images/videos. Throughout life I have had these HOCD thoughts on and off and, while they would go away, they would often be in the back of my head just there to make me doubt myself. I have only been in two relationships—both with men whom I loved very much. I do not recall having any HOCD thoughts when I was happily taken, but since I have been single for so long, they are back in full swing and making me question everything. I am terrified because I have kept this all to myself and feel like I may be attracted to women, even though I don’t want to act on it. I’m so scared that I am hiding this about myselfand that I’m actually gay but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud because I would never want to live another second of my life if I was. I don’t know what to do. There just seems to be too much evidence that I am gay to overcome this and ever live a straight life.
- Date posted
- 3y
Like I’ve never wanted to actually pursue anything with women, but I’m just so scared that I now want to
- Date posted
- 3y
I have a very very similar situation. I actually never watched lesbian prn but I always felt like I may have crushes? on girls. Like I found women so pretty and I would watch certain shows to see my favorite women characters. Anyways, I have always been straight and identified as straight. I have a husband now. The best thing that I’ve found helps with HOCD is not labeling yourself. You don’t need a label. Maybe you’re straight, maybe you’re bi, maybe you’re a lesbian who has fallen in love with men before? Lol who knows! But it doesn’t matter because you don’t NEED to know. Feel however you want to feel, let the feelings come and go.
- Date posted
- 3y
You are doing the right thing by seeking therapy, go in with an open mind. I’m currently worrying that mine won’t work either but this OCD bullying us again. Go in with an open mind, you have suffered for enough years now and by the sounds of it, you ready to kick some OCD butt!! Remember it is okay to feel how you are currently feeling ❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
It feels like I used to get so many intrusive thoughts in the beginning but now it’s less it’s only thoughts like what if I’m a p what if I’m a p what if I’m lying to myself what if I’m in dentist truly in all this and it was all fake like I’m an imposter, now it’s just feelings and noticing :/ and I hate he feelings that come with it I’m really scared I am one I feel so alone :( I’m taking therapy but my therapist is not specialized in ocd and I don’t think she understands and I don’t want to bring it up bc I brought up a fear that what if I turn into my stepdad and she said “are you attracted to children?” And I said no but it was just an irrational thought that came after I started realizing the trauma that happened to me as a kid, and idk I’m scared to Start with a therapists here bc what if all this just makes it worse and it turns out I am what I fear all along.? :(
- Date posted
- 18w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 12w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond