Thread
NNS
17d ago
  • Sexual Orientation OCD

To start off I am a female, I have been dealing with HOCD since I was 14 years old in late 2015. My HOCD has been on and off the past few years but late December of 2021 it came back. I feel that the start of My HOCD came from childhood same-sex experimentation and p*rn*graphy. I occasionally watched porn but not all of the time. Sometimes I would watch lesbian p*rn and straight p*rn and I would be aroused to both. I stopped watching porn after I turned 14. Even though the experiences that I’ve had led me to having HOCD, I have always been a straight female. I am attracted to males, have feelings and have only been in relationships with males. I start therapy in two weeks I’m ready but I’m also afraid. I’m scared that it won’t help and I’ll feel like this for the rest of my life. Right now im scared because I feel that the same-sex childhood experimentation and p*rn*graphy makes me feel that I am lesbian, but I am not nor do I want to be.

cf05
17d ago
I am dealing with this exact thing right now. I did the same thing growing up and experienced arousal to both kinds of images/videos. Throughout life I have had these HOCD thoughts on and off and, while they would go away, they would often be in the back of my head just there to make me doubt myself. I have only been in two relationships—both with men whom I loved very much. I do not recall having any HOCD thoughts when I was happily taken, but since I have been single for so long, they are back in full swing and making me question everything. I am terrified because I have kept this all to myself and feel like I may be attracted to women, even though I don’t want to act on it. I’m so scared that I am hiding this about myselfand that I’m actually gay but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud because I would never want to live another second of my life if I was. I don’t know what to do. There just seems to be too much evidence that I am gay to overcome this and ever live a straight life.
cf05
17d ago
Like I’ve never wanted to actually pursue anything with women, but I’m just so scared that I now want to
Anon1294
17d ago
I have a very very similar situation. I actually never watched lesbian prn but I always felt like I may have crushes? on girls. Like I found women so pretty and I would watch certain shows to see my favorite women characters. Anyways, I have always been straight and identified as straight. I have a husband now. The best thing that I’ve found helps with HOCD is not labeling yourself. You don’t need a label. Maybe you’re straight, maybe you’re bi, maybe you’re a lesbian who has fallen in love with men before? Lol who knows! But it doesn’t matter because you don’t NEED to know. Feel however you want to feel, let the feelings come and go.
Ruthy98
17d ago
You are doing the right thing by seeking therapy, go in with an open mind. I’m currently worrying that mine won’t work either but this OCD bullying us again. Go in with an open mind, you have suffered for enough years now and by the sounds of it, you ready to kick some OCD butt!! Remember it is okay to feel how you are currently feeling ❤️