- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Most the time I feel like I’m in denial as well. I’ve always wanted to have a husband and have a family because it just feels like I was born to have it. But there are sometimes when I question myself and quite often have panic attacks to the point where I just don’t care anymore. So I can kinda understand where you’re coming from. Just know that you’re not alone and there are other people the feel the same as you
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you :) I hope you get better soon.
- Date posted
- 3y
I am dealing with this at the moment too. If you don’t mind me asking, have you been able to visualize yourself with a family of your own in the past? Like for me, I identify as a straight female and am having these thoughts now, which I try to calm by remembering what I want in life, which is a husband and children. However, I have always felt as though I am unworthy of that in a sense and that I would never be able to have that, and even if I did, that I would not be a good wife or mother. This thought is so terrifying to me, as I want to be able to have these things in the future, but it just seems so hard for me to picture. This also makes suffering with OCD so much more severe for me because it’s making me question my entire identity and feels like me not being able to visualize myself as a wife and mother is a predictor of something being wrong with my identity.
- Date posted
- 3y
That question was for you, sorry I forgot to tag!
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Yes in the past and now I am able to visualise myself as a mother and as a wife and nothing will change that. I know that there are alternatives for being a gay couple but that’s just not what I personally want. I want to be able to conceive a baby that has both the dna of me and a man. Now concerning how you said that you don’t know if you’ll be a good mother, is something I can totally understand because when you look at it I don’t think anyone who is going to become a parent thinks that they will be good at it. For me, I’m scared that I won’t fall in love with a man emotionally and it’s terrifying because I don’t know if I’ll be able to be a mum if I don’t fall in love with a man. And as a result I question my sexuality like you do because I’m scared. But now I think that there’s nothing wrong with being scared and that what thoughts you’re thinking shouldn’t have the power to question yourself because they are just thoughts. What you believe in your heart is what you should stand by. Don’t let thoughts have the influence to sway your heart. Stay true to yourself, if being a mum and wife is what you truly want then stick to it. And tell those thoughts that they don’t belong in your mind and that they have no right to be there.
- Date posted
- 3y
I hope you get better soon as well :) also did I by chance miss interpret what you said cause I didn’t mean any offense
- Date posted
- 3y
No I appreciate your response. Not to overshare, but I also have lost my period due to an eating disorder and have not had one since February of last year, which also makes me feel like is some strange “sign” of me being transgender. Like I said, I do not want to become a man, but my mind is almost telling me to do it and trying to bully me into thinking that that is what I want and have always wanted. I also have never had these thoughts before, but they feel so real now because of the fact that I have always worried that I would never me a wife or mother. I don’t know if you can relate to this, but my mind has spent so much time focusing on both my SOOCD and TOCD thoughts that it has tripped up multiple times and made me think that wanting to be with a man makes me gay, even though I am a straight woman and that is what I’ve always wanted. I’m just so terrified at the idea of ever having to change what I am because I do not want that and would hate myself if I did it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Oh boy, I would say I understand you the most, about my brain starting to believe the thoughts I was having. When I first started to have thoughts I was very emotionally unstable so I would think that when someone was nice to me they liked me and I gained “feelings” for them. This happened with my best friend who is a girl, I told her everything that was happening and we would always hang out. Then one day out of the blue my mind thought “hey do I like her” and those thoughts never left me. Everytime I would hang out with her my head would think we were on a date and my heart would beat really fast when she was next to me, which I recently learned was due to anxiety attacks. It honestly took me about a year and a half to convince myself I didn’t like her and I had to do all the extremes like stop talking to her and so on. It was really hard and I hated feeling that way because I knew it wasn’t me. I was never happy when I thought about her only disgusted by what I was thinking about. It was so tiring that a few times I tried to end it all but I didn’t which I’m grateful for. Because I kept thinking I had a crush on her eventually made me believe I did and made me think I was lesbian which I am not. So I would say yeah I totally understand what you’re going through and honestly I think you should talk to someone about it because I didn’t and still don’t feel right about who I am because it had impacted me for so long. I just don’t want another person to go through the amount of stress and pain I went through of the years
- Date posted
- 3y
@Liiiiiiiiiiiaaana I am also kinda scared when I hang out with my friends. I know I don't like the but since I have this problem when I feel happy or wholesome with someone then it does feel like I like them but I dont it does feel very very real too but I kinda get it out of my head now. Like even when I saw meme someone had today that it had gay sex in it and be because I didn't have any reaction to it it felt like I liked it but I didn't, and then it started again but now am good but I kinda worry that one day it just disappeared , I didn't have stress , I didn't respond to the thoughts they would just exist but even now I still have them but am calm and I don't know if this is good or bad. I may found out hocd very fast or am lucky that I kinda got it out of my head so fast idk ? I have it for 3-4months constantly thinking of it so I don't think that this is denial that just thoughts.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Liiiiiiiiiiiaaana Sorry for any mistake
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
My mind just starts racing with thoughts all day. I overthink aswell so I just tend to sit in the thoughts and can’t escape. I mostly have thoughts that tell me I don’t like the things I do like snowboarding or backpacking or if I even if I love my girlfriend. Deep down I know I do but then I start getting worried that the more I think these things the more they come true. Then I have tons and tons of more thoughts throughout the day and it just feels like I’m constantly having anxiety and constantly battling my brain over things that don’t even make sense. I’m only 17 and this is extremely hard and I feel like I’m wasting these teenage years. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I’ve picked up reading my bible and praying more but the thoughts persist please help.
- Date posted
- 18w
Hey yall, having a tough time. I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts while I self pleasure and it GENUIENLY feels like I enjoy them for whatever reason. And then now about half an hour later it’s like okay it’s a sexual thought but I might not actually like it. Idk I just really hate myself, because I basically genuinely liked it in the moment
- Date posted
- 11w
Im a straight man and sometimes I make the mistake of compulsively getting on here. It’s gotten better but I slip sometimes. I feel like I’m alone in this and I even read on some OCD page that Women are more likely to suffer from this theme than Men. That just makes me feel like I’m in denial of some sort. I feel alone and feel like my intrusive thoughts are different. I know that’s what everyone who has ocd thinks, but I can’t help shake the feeling like what if I’m lying to myself or what if I have some underlying secret. I don’t want to be gay. I find I argue with myself in my head over and over and sometimes by repeating “I don’t want to be gay, I want to be straight” I’ll end up saying the opposite and that would scare me even though I know that It happened because I’m constantly fighting with OCD. Just feeling a bit down today. I had a sexual dream about an ex girlfriend and it felt great and I’m not scared by it. I find and want to be with Women romantically til forever.
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