Can someone explain the difference between gender dysphoria and TOCD please? I am a female currently struggling with SOOCD and TOCD and am so scared that these thoughts mean I actually want to be a man. I don’t feel feminine or pretty right now at all and have a lot of insecurities, but I want to get back to feeling confident in my own skin. Please help.

Thank you. I am just scared because I cannot tell if I want these thoughts or not. The idea of transitioning my gender makes my physically ill but for some reason I cannot stop thinking that I have to do it. It’s like my brain is forcing me to do something that absolutely terrifies me, but I really do not want to stop living life as a woman.

@helloyes555 Thank you. If you don’t mind me asking, do your thoughts make it difficult for you to look in the mirror because you feel like you look different than you used to? I feel like I suddenly look so masculine and my mind is telling me that I like it, even though I would give anything in the world to go back to feeling feminine and pretty. I feel like part of the reason I struggle so bad is because everyone around me is so confident and I never have been one to be overly confident about my appearance. However, this also makes me feel like the reason I am so insecure is because I have gender dysphoria, even though my insecurities with my appearance have never involved me wishing I was not a woman, they more so have just been about me picking apart my flaws.

@helloyes555 Right! And then I get these images of what I would look like/sound like and it scares the shit out of my because it’s like my mind is telling me that I want it when all I really want in life is to restore my self confidence. I just wish I new what actual trans people thought so that I could know that I either am or am not that because I personally don’t ever want that.

@helloyes555 That makes sense. One trigger for me is that I am super passionate about fitness and working out is like my main hobby. I have found that I most enjoy lifting weights which I know is great for everyone and not restricted to just males, but this method of exercise has helped me lose a bit of weight and made me more toned, which I love. I’m just scared that me liking to have a bit more of a toned appearance than some other women makes me trans, even though I do not want to get bulky or anything.

I understand. I am just so scared because I feel so disconnected from my feminine self and honestly feel like I have gotten so in my head about having low self esteem and caring about what others think of me that I am making myself think I am transgender. I have never identified as this before and have always considered myself a straight woman, but now I’m scared that these thoughts are real because it’s making me look at both men and women differently. I never want to actually be a man, but these doubts are making me question everything I have ever thought about myself and my past. I am just clinging to the hope that going through the same motions everyday that I have been my whole life will reignite my femininity but I’m terrified that it never will.

@cf05 These are very valid feelings. With this theme it feels like the foundation of which I built my identity has crumbled to the ground, and it's scary. But the more you throw things at it like "I know because I did this or didnt do this" or "I feel like this " the more it makes you doubt the truths you know about yourself. I recommend talking to a therapist if you don't already, try and start erp early, and do your best to live according to who you know you are. Your brain will try and make you feel like you're lying and faking it, but know those thoughts don't mean anything. Everything you've said is a valid experience with this subtype of OCD and just know you're not the only one who has felt this way. I know I have