- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
girl this is almost exactly how I was. I’ve started medication which obviously isn’t for everyone but it’s helped me tremendously. I also go to therapy and just talk about this and practiced meeting myself with compassion and just acknowledging my intrusive thoughts as they come. im not completely “cured” but my day to day life has been so much easier and I can focus on things other than my SO OCD which is so nice.
- Date posted
- 3y
I am currently struggling with this as well and it is making me doubt literally everything the I stand for and everything I want to be true about myself. These thoughts really feel like I am gay and just afraid to come out, but I stand by the fact that I do not want to live life as a gay woman. I don’t know what to do because it feels like it doesn’t matter what I want anymore because it feels like I am just gay even though I don’t want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Issac11 I have not. I did two sessions with an NOCD therapist but was unable to continue due to financial reasons. I also feel that ERP will just confirm that these thoughts are true.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Issac11 Which obviously scares me even more. I just don’t understand how there was a time when I wasn’t miserable every second of every day. I have never wanted to die before and honestly have always feared death, but now I just wish I could die.
- Date posted
- 3y
It’s so hard to deal with, especially because I had made so much progress (even my therapist said so). And I know deep down if I was genuinely gay I wouldn’t have to question it so much but it’s so hard to validate that reality when my mind has twisted all my past memories and experiences into evidence that I’m not straight
- Date posted
- 3y
Looked up later in life lesbian and she said “girls kissing make me uncomfortable but I celebrated men kissing” and I nearly lost my mind cause that’s how I feel and it’s like well is this just my sexuality???
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel like I should look those up as well but I am too afraid of what I will feel or if I will find comparisons to my own life. I don’t want to be gay at all. That and being trans are the last thing on the planet that I want for myself because I just don’t want that to be who I am, but it feels like it has to be and I don’t know what to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah and this idea of like “well who you want to be isn’t an option” is terrifying
- Date posted
- 3y
I am so scared because these thoughts are starting to feel less like intrusive OCD thoughts and more of thoughts that have been suppressed and hiding what I truly am, even though I am physically sick at the thought of that.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Yep! Which is insane that we all feel this way but for some reason I feel like I’m the exception, ya know? Like god forbid ONE symptom doesn’t align with OCD I just lose it and think it’s well yeah you’re gay but they all have ocd
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I have been doing okay for the past week or so and was really happy i felt that i was getting back on track, but today i went on tiktok and i saw something triggering which was “i thought i was a lesbian for 4 years until i met my now boyfriend” and it triggered me very badly, i have been crying all day and i can’t seem to make myself feel okay. i feel like im lying to myself that im not lesbian and i truly want men, but when i get any thought about men it feels disgusting and wrong and not me, i don’t want men i feel so sick i want to get out of this. i always felt so happy as a lesbian im so stuck i don’t want to be with a man. i have a loving girlfriend i just want to be happy with her.
- Date posted
- 19w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe I’ve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didn’t think anything about it, that’s just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didn’t have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I can’t exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didn’t think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m a virgin. I’m very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now I’m not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still don’t want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but I’m afraid I’ll find that I’m a lesbian and I really don’t want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now I’m worried about comphet. I’m really depressed and I can’t tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether it’s their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now I’m afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But I’m also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. I’m really scared that I’ve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I don’t want to explore with women, I just want to like men, I’ve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and I’m back at square one. I’m afraid if I take my meds I’ll discover something about myself that I don’t want to because I’ve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I can’t take it!
- Date posted
- 16w
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
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