- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I know itās common with SOOCD to lose attraction to your preferred gender. Iām a straight female, and have been my whole life, and Iāve always been absolutely boy crazy and now all the sudden it feels like all my attraction has just gone down the drain?? I still feel something for men, I feel drawn to men, I want to pursue a life with a man. But these thoughts have twisted that and made me scared that it is all a lie. I get anxious around men/women couples because I get soooo scared that I donāt want that. I get scared around gay couples because Iām scared that I will turn into that. Triggers are everywhere. Itās super difficult and hard but youāve got this. You will get that woman one day. You can recover from this scary disorder and so can I. I have a lovely boyfriend, and one day I will marry him. This is so hard, I know. Sometimes it feels all to real, sometimes it feels like ocd is just an excuse. Sometimes I get urges. I understand. You are not alone.
- Date posted
- 3y
It's constantly on my mind. I feel like I want to burst out crying. Went on a date last night. And I liked her. Not just look wise. But she was a nice person. But I don't know if I can see her again because of these feelings. Like I'm gay and want to be with a man. I have men in mind it's horrible š
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ihateocd83 I understand, these feelings feel like Iām bi/lesbian/asexual but like itās completely against what I want, and believe me, sometimes it feels like thatās just a lie. You should go on that date with that girl. You deserve it, tell OCD to just kiss your ass
- Date posted
- 3y
I can relate to both of these so much. These thoughts are making me question everything about who I am and who I want to be. I donāt want to be gay and I want to continue my life as a straight woman, but it feels as though I will never have that again. I am so terrified that I am just hiding behind OCD to avoid having to accept that these thoughts in my head are true, but they are making me feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I second guess myself every time I see straight couples now because I feel like I donāt want that, even though thatās all Iāve ever wanted. I donāt want to be with women romantically at all, the thought scares the shit out of me, but it feels so real and like everything in my life has just led to this point. I donāt know what to do.
- Date posted
- 3y
Exactly how I feel!
- Date posted
- 3y
@lindsš How are you doing today? I know you said you were having a hard time lately, and I am currently in the same boat. Feels like my world is ending and I am so scared that that means I am changing into something I donāt want to be.
- Date posted
- 3y
@cf05 Iām doing meh, not so good honestly real event is kicking my ass. Iām at work, and I get bad anxiety on days I have to work. I feel like my world is ending. I donāt want to end up with a girl and it feels like itās going to happen. Just sneaky ocd. How are you?
- Date posted
- 3y
@lindsš I feel as tho it's either come out or take my life. I wouldn't even mind being bi I keep saying that but a little voice says it's more than that. And I feel like I want to be with a man. I think back how I used to love women check them out. I feel anxious at everything. Looking at women because it feels like I'm doing it unnaturally š
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ihateocd83 My issue is that Iām scared Iām bi or lesbian. I donāt want to be either, I donāt want to end up with a woman. Like at all. Itās really difficult because ocd convinces me that itās all just a lie. And as a woman, Iāve always looked up to other women, wanting to look like them or be like them. But itās never been I wanted to be with them. And this whole soocd thing is just really difficult because it feels like my whole self is changing. And everytbing I do feels like a lie. Everything makes me anxious too, I canāt even wear certain things or say certain words. I have constant intrusive thoughts about being with a woman and I wish they would just stop! Iām so tired. Iām sorry youāre going through the same thing.
- Date posted
- 3y
@lindsš Yeah it's the same with me š
- Date posted
- 3y
I just feel like I most be bi
- Date posted
- 3y
I know the feeling, itās such a hard thing to deal with. Youāre so strong!
- Date posted
- 3y
I've started seeing some girl and I don't know how to explain to her about this. Or do I just say I'm bi š
- Date posted
- 3y
Whatever feels comfortable to you! You donāt have to share anything, either.
- Date posted
- 3y
@lindsš I feel its like the right thing to do. I don't think it's fair
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Like I'm not even scared I feel numb and ever since that night I've completely went down hill Idk what to do the feeling i felt this time genuily felt like i liked it and i didnt even have anxiety at that moment and now I'm panicking I really hope this is still OCD like I'm sorry if I'm still asking for reassurance but im really worried like it felt good in that moment I don't understand what's going on like I hope it was a false feeling and not something real.....like this has happened before but Idk šššš I really don't know what to I don't want to turn into a p word I don't this I've been sleeping all day I still do compulsions a little to get rid of the thoughts but I've been getting sexual thoughts too and I don't want them but I feel like I do I don't understand I though I was getting better but I guess every time I get better everything gets worse..
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 22w
Iāve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and Iām beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind Iāve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (Iām a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like āokay. Fine, but I donāt want to date a girlā I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if Iām romantically interested in women and not men. Iāve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I donāt want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts donāt stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I donāt want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that thatās not what I want. It doesnāt feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik itās still ocd related) but Iām scared that once I tell him, Iāll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh Iāve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, Iām stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 21w
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that Iām bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but thatās cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who havenāt spoken in a few years now and Iām over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh thatās life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now Iām mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, Iāve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now Iām just slightly nauseous and worried that I donāt like men as much as I like women but I think thatās normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldnāt even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now Iām nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and itās always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if itās a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? Iām nervous now. I was doing half decently today now Iām nauseous again. Iām worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I donāt like the ones my bf and I have and that I just donāt like him or men cuz Iāve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk whatās wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesnāt erase that I love my bf. Iām worried Iām leaning too much towards women tho and Iām a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if Iām just a lesbian entirely cuz I donāt feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe thatās cuz Iām checking and comparing. Now Iām anxious fuck. Iām trying not to think about her idk why. Iām worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. Sheās in my city. I didnāt care before but now I do. Or if I think about her Iāll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasnāt felt right lately cuz Iāve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasnāt obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didnāt feel passionate. It didnāt feel uncomfortable but I thought itād be more? Idk. I know itās normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isnāt very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didnāt feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but weāve been having sex since august so thatās normal. Idk. I havenāt been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that Iām bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I donāt want to rn cuz Iām dating a man. And I canāt fantasize about sex with him cuz Iām getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz itās been a while but Iām not going to. Iāve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when Iām mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying āOo you think all these women are so hot youāre gonna go feral blah blah blahā and yes women are hot but I donāt wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesnāt bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying Iām a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know itās not true. I love him I know that. Iād be happy if we stayed together. I wouldnāt regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if itās not like porn or the movies. As long as Iām being pleasured and heās being pleasured weāre good. Thatās what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I donāt feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore Iām gay. No I just donāt feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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