Struggling 😫😫 I feel like I can’t even see myself dating a guy anymore. I’m so sad and scared ugh anyone relate?

OMG YES :( it’s torture. Also talking to this guy rn and I really like him but then I start to think about EVERYTHING He does to see if I get “grossed out” or the “ick” now too

@cc97 YES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO TEST THAT EVERYTHING THEY DOES DOESNT GIVE ME THE ICK. Ugh😭😭it sucks. I feel u. I’m here❤️

@cc97 I literally feel this so much. I get the ick so easily any since having this ocd flare up, I feel like all the times I got the ick are just proof of me really always having been gay, even though I have been in love with both of my past boyfriends!! It’s making it feel so much more real and like I will cringe at any guy wanting to date me now, even though I still want a boyfriend. It’s so contradictory and confusing

@cf05 OMG LITERALLY YES!!

@cc97 I’m so glad we are in the same boat. I feel like my attraction to guys isn’t even genuine anymore, even though I never want to be gay and the thought of never being with a man again makes me feel horrible. Hopefully we can get better soon and start feeling more attracted to men again. I’m not sure about you, but I think that part of the reason I may have lost the attraction in the first place is because I spent so much time over analyzing how I felt around both men and women and mentally checking myself and my past experiences.

@cf05 Yes I agree 100%. It’s terruble.

@cc97 Is anything you’re doing working to relieve the struggle? I feel like I’m drowning.

@cf05 Honestly not googling and reading forums 24/7 has helped a lot!! I realized I had ALOT of anxiety when u was constantly reading other forums because my brain went crazy “do you relate to this” “what if you don’t have ocd bc u don’t do that or think this” etc. also trying really hard to stop ruminating but that is a huge struggle for me I haven’t mastered yet:( I also just started taking medication which seems to be helping a bit!

@cc97 Thanks for the tips!! I feel like the less I google though, the more I ruminate😩 I have rethought my interactions with literally every single girl I have ever come in contact with and it honestly just feels like I am gay and I’m just now putting all the pieces together. I don’t want to be gay at all though.

@cf05 I understand I feel that way too:(

@cf05 And I agree the less I read the more I ruminate so I tried to keep myself busy (really through working) which helps a bit

@cc97 Do you ever feel like you can’t focus?? I literally have not had a single second of relief from these thoughts and it is ruining my life and has completely destroyed my ability to function. I’ve always been a hard worker and great student, and now I cannot will myself to get a job out of a fear of being triggered and finding out some “truth” about myself, and I fear that I will not be able to pass my classes this semester because I am just three days in and already have been unable to concentrate because of my mind chatter and constant intrusive thoughts.

@cf05 Yes! I go through waves of that!!