I feel like getting out of bed is so hard nowadays. I woke up a couple hours ago, laid in bed ruminating and checking. Then got on my phone, it’s hard to leave this app. I have to go to the bathroom but I just can’t get out of bed. I normally open my blinds every morning as soon as I wake, but lately it’s just been so difficult. I feel so stuck in time but everything around me is moving so quickly. I want to be happy, I want to be free from these scary thoughts.

I agree, this app is definitely an app of reassurance. I feel like I can’t get off of it, but it feels so safe here

@linds💕 Me too. I feel so unsafe in my own head that it makes me feel better to know that I can come here and have people who feel the same as I do. Although, it does still make me doubt that I have OCD because I feel like I have more underlying “proof” of my thoughts than other people on this app, which is triggering. Have you ever experienced this??

@cf05 Yup yup yup!! I agree, I feel like I have more “proof” than other people due to real event.

@linds💕 I don’t want to live like this anymore. I know this is not OCD, but the idea of making these thoughts a reality is enough to make me want to give up.

@cf05 I don’t want to give you reassurance but this is OCD. And since you have the doubts, live with the uncertainty of that. I’m in the same place I’m so scared these thoughts could be true, I understand wanting to give up. But I promise it will get better

@linds💕 These thoughts are genuinely making me feel like I want to be trans though, even though I don’t ever want to live a life that way. I’m terrified of what is happening to me and feel like I have no control over it. It’s like this part of me is just rapidly taking over and I am stuck in the backseat just having to sit and watch it all. This is destroying my life.

Same same same

Me too. I feel like this must be real now though because the gender dysphoria is becoming so overpowering. I feel like I can suddenly imagine myself with male parts and it’s making me want to throw up that this could be who I am becoming.

@cf05 I feel like I can imagine myself with girls and it makes me so sick. I don’t want to be with girls, it’s the last thing I want. I get so scared it’s who I am. I try to remind myself, it’s the ocd talking. OCD can be so manipulative and convincing. Seriously.

@linds💕 It literally feels 100% real. And it feels like it’s what I want. I don’t actually want this, in fact I dread living everyday with even the thoughts of it, but I don’t know how this happened to me.

@linds💕 I also have watched videos of people realizing they are trans on YouTube since these thoughts started affecting me and it literally is almost exactly what I’m going through. That’s how I know this is real even if I don’t want it and how I know I’ll never be my old self again no matter how hard I try to fight it

@cf05 I’m sorry you’re going through this. OCD can feel 100% real. Do you go to therapy? I can’t remember if I’ve asked you before.

@linds💕 I did two sessions with a NOCD therapist but was unable to continue because my insurance did not cover treatment, so I am not currently in therapy.

@cf05 Ugh, that’s horrible. I went through that. I don’t understand why some insurances don’t cover things

@linds💕 Right. It doesn’t make any sense considering how large of a problem mental health is with younger age groups. I am just so scared because I have never felt this way before and don’t want my life to change but it just feels like it isZ

@cf05 Right, I’ve never felt the way ocd has made me feel before and I don’t want to change but then I’m like what if this has always been me?? But I have to remember it’s called the doubting disorder for a reason. Also, I agree. With how much of an issue mental health and health is in general, why is it so expensive? Why is it so hard for people to gain access to?? Like I don’t get it. There are so many people who need help but don’t want to get it because of cost reasons. It’s sad.

@linds💕 It’s just so hard to feel like you are losing touch with who you are. It’s so painful and it feels like there’s nothing I can do about it except let the old me drift away.

@cf05 Right, I get so so scared these thoughts are true. It just makes me want to sleep it all away.