For 2 years i have very big mental problem.I always think very intense about one person.I cant stop thinking about him.When i go to bed, when i go to college ,when i wake up i always think about him.When i see him i get very strange feeling .Every night i dream of him watching me.I wake up everytime sweaty.Sometimes i am very afraid when i go to bed because i dont know what will happen.I started doing everything like him.My thoughts are all about what he will say.I dont know what to think now.I cant describe my mental pain..I just want to live again.I started to think that my life has no meaning and that only solution would be..

You know when you have weird thoughts about a coworker and because you have OCD these thoughts really stick and you panic and feel sick? Yeah that’s me and I’ve struggled with having intrusive thoughts about my coworker and now he just got in a relationship with my coworker and my intrusive thoughts are WORSE I thought they would be better? And initially they were because I was relieved that he couldn’t be weird with me now because he has a girlfriend. But this is the thought that i cannot get over- my OCD is like you’re jealous that he doesn’t like you and he’s not with you instead and i envy this girl he is with. Why the fuck am I having these thoughts while I’m in a healthy relationship and love my boyfriend to DEATH- like I know he is my forever. I couldn’t look at him today because I’ve been obsessing over this thought I’ve had in work and now I have to find a new job I hope no one will judge me for these thoughts or maybe someone has had this weird thought before? :(

I’m struggling so bad. I actually started getting better but now my thoughts are back. I feel like I can’t do anything, watch a movie “oh you’re turned on by that”, go out shopping “oh you’re trying to look pretty for her”. Like what???? My brain just won’t stop!!!!!! It’s making me so depressed, I just feel like I’m about to lose it. I’m happily married, and absolutely in love with my husband. But my brain keeps saying “you’re gay! You’re bi” whatever. I’m so tired guys, I feel so alone, and this has been going on for months…

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?