PinkLotus
- Date posted
- 3y
cf05cf05
- Date posted
- 3y
Same with me. This is so incredibly painful because I have no idea what my reality is anymore. I know what I want and what I don’t want, but OCD is taking every part of my identity and destroying it, making me feel like a fraud.
linds💕linds💕
- Date posted
- 3y
I feel that. It just doesn’t feel like ME and I want to feel like ME, who isn’t that. This is so difficult. Here for you ❤️❤️
PinkLotusPinkLotus
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you ❤️I hate having these feelings and thoughts
linds💕linds💕
- Date posted
- 3y
@PinkLotus Same same same!
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m sorry but I need someone to talk to? Can anyone help?
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m sorry to bug you. And I’m trying to be selfish But I need help with this really bad. I saw a short clip from family guy and I’m scared I do I don’t want to. I don’t like the way I’m smiling. It was a giant like auditorium with strippers or Pull dancers and I’m scared I’m still I’m scared he smiles and I acted Egerton I don’t know if I felt excitement and now I’m thinking of boots and I don’t want to I don’t wanna smile and be by your day. I’ve seen pole dancing and I’m scared I keep thinking of the woman’s body and going I will like that but it doesn’t feel right and whenever I say excitement it burns my chest and I feel guilty and embarrassed because I don’t wanna be bisexual and said I can’t help it but I identify us straight. I said I’m not gay said not completely not gay at all. Why did I act like that? I feel like I should add that I haven’t taken a Flexeril which is a muscle relaxer in two or three days and I have been taking it almost every day for a month. And now I don’t know if I’m just making excuses. But I felt anxiety I don’t know why I acted so eager and excited and I imagine some shrink asking me how did you feel seeing those girls and I said say I said sexy but it’s not sexy or exciting. I don’t want to now I’m thinking of the roundness of boobs and I don’t want this. I make cringing faces like I don’t and I said I do I don’t like boobs I like balls and pectorals but I don’t like boobs I don’t like both and I’m scared of the way I’m smiling like I really I don’t wanna be in keep I can’t stop I’m not bisexual at all. And I feel really bad because my cousin is going through cancer so he has real shit to deal with and I have this in my head. why am I smiling and said so what if I don’t wanna change I don’t wanna be it’s not hot why did I act why did I react like that I’m scared I’m thinking of the round and the heaviness I’m scared I don’t like the limp way boobs Thang and have to be supported I don’t like the round sides! Please help me why did I do that and I keep saying when it’s not hot I’m scared of how I smile I don’t wanna start identifying as a guy I’m straight I’m not by and I’m remembering the pole dance I want saw and I’m smiling and I was smiling at the woman but I didn’t like it and I don’t know if I was smiling simply because I was like I don’t like this you don’t do it for me because one of the lines in the song is why why don’t I do it for you it’s like cause you’re not a guy and I’m not gay. But why did I react like that to the family guy thing I’m scared I imagine walking in there smiling and being in all and like I do I’m scared I feel weird sensation to my mouth like I don’t like boobs though I don’t wanna be here anymore. It’s not hot why did I react like that and said all you can’t control your reactions but what does it say about me. I don’t wanna imagine going to a strip club walking around in awed amazement I don’t wanna be bi! I’m not! What scares me is usually when I see these Things it’s anxiety and then something else but it’s never I’m never turned on but why did I smile an act eater why did the anxiety come afterward. I’m scared I’m smiling in my chest feels clear and I keep thinking of I don’t I’m scared I don’t want them to be there not hot or luscious I don’t like the way boobs stick out I don’t wanna understand where guys are coming from
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 And I keep shaking my head like I can’t go back to them and I keep smiling over the round us and I can’t stop saying but it’s not hot I said I don’t I don’t wanna go back to being straight I’m not bisexual I’m scared I keep shaking my head the negative like I can’t go back to sick calling it and I’m scared I’m smiling I’m scaredy I don’t wanna live that life I’m not bisexual It’s not hot it is disgusting and I’m scared I can’t stop thinking of big rumbles poking out of the chest and just sticking out there it’s not hot I’m scared I can’t stop smiling like a maniac and shaking my head like I can’t go back to me and I can’t stop thinking of a heaviness I don’t want to start understanding how goes for you I can’t stop I shake my head the negative side kick back but it is disgusting it’s not hot I feel like I’m going crazy
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Omg you guys I’m so sorry but I need help so so bad please someone help me. I can’t stop smiling thinking of them and I don’t embrace it I’m not bisexual but why does my heart feel so warm and why am I smile!? I don’t want to feel happy and I don’t really but I’m smiling weird called them and I want to go with it boobs aren’t hot A sexy keep smiling saying big and round I don’t want that I’m scared I can’t stop a man woman palming their boobs and jiggling them and I make faces like pecs are old news i’m scared I said that I’m scared to unlock something I don’t want to and I act like it is but pecs Are not boring I wanna go back to being myself! I’m Heterosexual! I can’t stop imagining women jiggling the boobs with their hands I don’t want the big round ones and I keep trying to say that’s more like it but I can’t get into it but why am I smiling thinking of that family guy thing why does my heart feel warm I don’t wanna change it I’m making a face and I’m scared I can’t stop with the hand thing the jiggling I’m scared I do I don’t want to I don’t like it Scared acting like oh yeah he’s old and I make faces he’s not only was I don’t want both why am I cringing always wanyed male parts Someone help Me i’m scared I can’t be over my guy and I’m not switching this can’t be the real me
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 You guys how do I go back!? My heart keeps burning what do I feel were saying they’re not in my magic I keep calling them and I’m scared that must be how I really feel boobs are gross they aren’t hot or sexy
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Why does it feel suddenly wrong to say that my heart and body especially it doesn’t like tits and I’m scared i’m scared I can’t stop feeling tense like I don’t and I’m frightened of the way I’m smiling like everything switched around and changed I want why am I clenching my teeth like balls and pecs why do I keep tightening my jaw why am I smiling I don’t want to I don’t want tits
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 Oh my f-ing god I keep feeling worse When I say it doesn’t my heart says isn’t gay but why did is stand out my heart says boobs are not sexy and I keep settling on that word but boobs are not sexy. I just now said why does it have to change but my heart doesn’t but I keep cringing and I’m scared everything is switching around why do I see were saying it doesnt my heart doesn’t think boobs are sexy I don’t like how casually I said but I don’t want my heart to change my heart doesn’t want it may I almost hit by my heart what is happening to me I don’t want to change body wise I wanna see were saying that it’s not and I keep getting drawn to and I keep making faces but my heart wants boys and not them to have them! I’m scared I’m starting I feel tens I don’t wanna start thinking like that boobs are not like that they are not sexy I don’t wanna see them differently I don’t wanna look at the statue outside my work differently and I’m smiling and kinda like caulking my head at the side like reconsidering boobs aren’t sexy that’s not what my heart says they aren’t sexy why am I smiling over the way they point out why do I feel worse boobs aren’t sexy
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bookworm91 I just said not willing to change for happiness like poop stupid they don’t make me happy and I saw Stupid commercial for some old cartoon that used to be popular when I was a kid and the girls like I’m becoming a woman and she was good kisser guy and said what a woman that doesn’t like women as I am but I’m not one of them I said only the boobs don’t make me happy. Only boys do in pectorals I can’t stop cringing like I don’t but I like boys and pectorals I don’t like boobs and I’m sorry I hope you guys don’t hate me
Bookworm91Bookworm91
- Date posted
- 3y
I wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through but more importantly for spamming you on your post. I genuinely just need help I didn’t mean to make it about me
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LiaExe28
- Date posted
- 25w
Couple of rough days - soocd
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Pogoshow
- Date posted
- 20w
SOOCD
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
wynolove
- Date posted
- 17w
Help me ?!? (Cocsa)
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
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