PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Also my soocd thoughts have been second nature lately, it feels like I enjoy it when my female friends give me affection and I catch myself checking them out and then having to stare again to see if I’m attracted, I get intrusive thoughts about girls being cute and that I’d want to date girls that I admire and that they’d be good girls to date. I’ve had zero sexual attraction to my boyfriend and all I can see are his physical flaws. It feels like I’d be 100% okay with touching a girl or dating one. My boyfriend just thinks I’m confused and he’s being supportive but it sucks because i feel like it makes it more real but I feel like it’s already so real. Its not me, but my reality has been morphed for too long. I feel okay with all this but I so badly want my old self back. This sucks

Sexual Orientation OCD

cf05

Date posted: 3y

Same with me. This is so incredibly painful because I have no idea what my reality is anymore. I know what I want and what I don’t want, but OCD is taking every part of my identity and destroying it, making me feel like a fraud.

linds💕

Date posted: 3y

I feel that. It just doesn’t feel like ME and I want to feel like ME, who isn’t that. This is so difficult. Here for you ❤️❤️

PinkLotus

Date posted: 3y

Thank you ❤️I hate having these feelings and thoughts

linds💕

Date posted: 3y

@PinkLotus Same same same!

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

I’m sorry but I need someone to talk to? Can anyone help?

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

I’m sorry to bug you. And I’m trying to be selfish But I need help with this really bad. I saw a short clip from family guy and I’m scared I do I don’t want to. I don’t like the way I’m smiling. It was a giant like auditorium with strippers or Pull dancers and I’m scared I’m still I’m scared he smiles and I acted Egerton I don’t know if I felt excitement and now I’m thinking of boots and I don’t want to I don’t wanna smile and be by your day. I’ve seen pole dancing and I’m scared I keep thinking of the woman’s body and going I will like that but it doesn’t feel right and whenever I say excitement it burns my chest and I feel guilty and embarrassed because I don’t wanna be bisexual and said I can’t help it but I identify us straight. I said I’m not gay said not completely not gay at all. Why did I act like that? I feel like I should add that I haven’t taken a Flexeril which is a muscle relaxer in two or three days and I have been taking it almost every day for a month. And now I don’t know if I’m just making excuses. But I felt anxiety I don’t know why I acted so eager and excited and I imagine some shrink asking me how did you feel seeing those girls and I said say I said sexy but it’s not sexy or exciting. I don’t want to now I’m thinking of the roundness of boobs and I don’t want this. I make cringing faces like I don’t and I said I do I don’t like boobs I like balls and pectorals but I don’t like boobs I don’t like both and I’m scared of the way I’m smiling like I really I don’t wanna be in keep I can’t stop I’m not bisexual at all. And I feel really bad because my cousin is going through cancer so he has real shit to deal with and I have this in my head. why am I smiling and said so what if I don’t wanna change I don’t wanna be it’s not hot why did I act why did I react like that I’m scared I’m thinking of the round and the heaviness I’m scared I don’t like the limp way boobs Thang and have to be supported I don’t like the round sides! Please help me why did I do that and I keep saying when it’s not hot I’m scared of how I smile I don’t wanna start identifying as a guy I’m straight I’m not by and I’m remembering the pole dance I want saw and I’m smiling and I was smiling at the woman but I didn’t like it and I don’t know if I was smiling simply because I was like I don’t like this you don’t do it for me because one of the lines in the song is why why don’t I do it for you it’s like cause you’re not a guy and I’m not gay. But why did I react like that to the family guy thing I’m scared I imagine walking in there smiling and being in all and like I do I’m scared I feel weird sensation to my mouth like I don’t like boobs though I don’t wanna be here anymore. It’s not hot why did I react like that and said all you can’t control your reactions but what does it say about me. I don’t wanna imagine going to a strip club walking around in awed amazement I don’t wanna be bi! I’m not! What scares me is usually when I see these Things it’s anxiety and then something else but it’s never I’m never turned on but why did I smile an act eater why did the anxiety come afterward. I’m scared I’m smiling in my chest feels clear and I keep thinking of I don’t I’m scared I don’t want them to be there not hot or luscious I don’t like the way boobs stick out I don’t wanna understand where guys are coming from

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 And I keep shaking my head like I can’t go back to them and I keep smiling over the round us and I can’t stop saying but it’s not hot I said I don’t I don’t wanna go back to being straight I’m not bisexual I’m scared I keep shaking my head the negative like I can’t go back to sick calling it and I’m scared I’m smiling I’m scaredy I don’t wanna live that life I’m not bisexual It’s not hot it is disgusting and I’m scared I can’t stop thinking of big rumbles poking out of the chest and just sticking out there it’s not hot I’m scared I can’t stop smiling like a maniac and shaking my head like I can’t go back to me and I can’t stop thinking of a heaviness I don’t want to start understanding how goes for you I can’t stop I shake my head the negative side kick back but it is disgusting it’s not hot I feel like I’m going crazy

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 Omg you guys I’m so sorry but I need help so so bad please someone help me. I can’t stop smiling thinking of them and I don’t embrace it I’m not bisexual but why does my heart feel so warm and why am I smile!? I don’t want to feel happy and I don’t really but I’m smiling weird called them and I want to go with it boobs aren’t hot A sexy keep smiling saying big and round I don’t want that I’m scared I can’t stop a man woman palming their boobs and jiggling them and I make faces like pecs are old news i’m scared I said that I’m scared to unlock something I don’t want to and I act like it is but pecs Are not boring I wanna go back to being myself! I’m Heterosexual! I can’t stop imagining women jiggling the boobs with their hands I don’t want the big round ones and I keep trying to say that’s more like it but I can’t get into it but why am I smiling thinking of that family guy thing why does my heart feel warm I don’t wanna change it I’m making a face and I’m scared I can’t stop with the hand thing the jiggling I’m scared I do I don’t want to I don’t like it Scared acting like oh yeah he’s old and I make faces he’s not only was I don’t want both why am I cringing always wanyed male parts Someone help Me i’m scared I can’t be over my guy and I’m not switching this can’t be the real me

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 You guys how do I go back!? My heart keeps burning what do I feel were saying they’re not in my magic I keep calling them and I’m scared that must be how I really feel boobs are gross they aren’t hot or sexy

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 Why does it feel suddenly wrong to say that my heart and body especially it doesn’t like tits and I’m scared i’m scared I can’t stop feeling tense like I don’t and I’m frightened of the way I’m smiling like everything switched around and changed I want why am I clenching my teeth like balls and pecs why do I keep tightening my jaw why am I smiling I don’t want to I don’t want tits

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 Oh my f-ing god I keep feeling worse When I say it doesn’t my heart says isn’t gay but why did is stand out my heart says boobs are not sexy and I keep settling on that word but boobs are not sexy. I just now said why does it have to change but my heart doesn’t but I keep cringing and I’m scared everything is switching around why do I see were saying it doesnt my heart doesn’t think boobs are sexy I don’t like how casually I said but I don’t want my heart to change my heart doesn’t want it may I almost hit by my heart what is happening to me I don’t want to change body wise I wanna see were saying that it’s not and I keep getting drawn to and I keep making faces but my heart wants boys and not them to have them! I’m scared I’m starting I feel tens I don’t wanna start thinking like that boobs are not like that they are not sexy I don’t wanna see them differently I don’t wanna look at the statue outside my work differently and I’m smiling and kinda like caulking my head at the side like reconsidering boobs aren’t sexy that’s not what my heart says they aren’t sexy why am I smiling over the way they point out why do I feel worse boobs aren’t sexy

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

@Bookworm91 I just said not willing to change for happiness like poop stupid they don’t make me happy and I saw Stupid commercial for some old cartoon that used to be popular when I was a kid and the girls like I’m becoming a woman and she was good kisser guy and said what a woman that doesn’t like women as I am but I’m not one of them I said only the boobs don’t make me happy. Only boys do in pectorals I can’t stop cringing like I don’t but I like boys and pectorals I don’t like boobs and I’m sorry I hope you guys don’t hate me

Bookworm91

Date posted: 3y

I wanted to say I’m sorry for what you’re going through but more importantly for spamming you on your post. I genuinely just need help I didn’t mean to make it about me

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 23w

Pls I need advice

I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now

LiaExe28

Date posted: 22w

Pats crush groinal response

Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off

Elliesmith

Date posted: 20w

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

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