okay so i’m a sophomore in college and last year i meant this girl and we’re still in the same friend group. At the time before i was having soocd i dont think i had feelings for her. I do think i could kind of tell that she was bi, but i never thought i liked her or anything. if anything i just realized that she acted kinda less girly and different then the rest of us (not in a bad way AT ALL i am not homophobic i just think i noticed that) But now that i’m having the ocd i’m scared that i kind of like her. like idk as soon as i found out she was bi it’s really scared me. i haven’t seen her in a while but i think i’m gonna see her tomorrow and i can’t stop worrying about it. I don’t care if i really do like her but i don’t want that to mean that i don’t like boys. it’s like my brain says that if i really do have a crush on her than i probably only like girls (especially more masculine ones like her) and that i don’t like guys. like there’s just this feeling in my brain that says if i really have liked girls this whole time i’ve probably been living my whole life a lie and i don’t like boys. this is really scary because i love my boyfriend so much and i don’t think me realizing i might like my friend should be an all or nothing thing. like i could just be bisexual. I know i like boys like earlier i noticed a lot of boys that i thought were cute. idk if it’s just the fact that liking girls is different than what i usually experience so it makes me feel like i HAVE to figure it out and i must just be lesbian. really struggling rn i’m literally fine being bi but i don’t even want to see her anymore tomorrow

julifree

121d ago

I used to get panic attacks every time I saw this out lesbian girl that was cute. I was raised Catholic but I can't remember if I was told being gay is a sin or not...but I do know that I had lots of shame whenever I like made my girl sims make out 🤣🤣 we just never spoke about sexuality and lots of homophobia in the older generations. Anyway I think the anxiety was absolutely some inner shame being triggered. I don't get it anymore I think loads of therapy, meditation, prayer and talking to people helped. I know it's so uncomfortable and hard though 😭

lennygirl

120d ago

Do you identify as a lesbian? I think OP is struggling with SOOCD rather than internalized homophobia so your comment might be a little triggering.