Why do I freak out when a guy wants to hangout 😭😭 like I’m so nervous to date ugh

Yes same !! And my OCD uses this as “proof”

@cc97 Yes same! I then I get where I have no energy to even try and date from loss of attraction and because of how anxious I get. I'm sure it doesn't help that I don't have great self confidence about how I look, etc.

@Mak46 Literally same!! Also find myself worrying like “are the the one” “is this gonna last” “what if I find someone better?” It’s never ending

@cc97 Yep! Or if I go on a date but don't really like them anymore I worry that then I will find no one because I'm too picky. Or what I have built up in my head about this amazing hot guy won't ever come true so I will always be disappointed.

@Mak46 YES!! I agree

@Mak46 Oh god it’s so nice to find someone who relates

@cc97 Right?! It makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not alone in how I feel. Possible trigger warning: I also worry so much about how people say that they are in denial when they know their sexuality and deny it. So, I worry that I know it but I'm just denying it.

@Mak46 Me too

@cc97 Yeah and it's so frustrating. I can't get this out of my head and I was doing okay a couple of days ago where I thought I kind of felt normal and some of my attraction for guys back but now I'm freaking out again.

@Mak46 Yes!! Same it’s always back and forth

@cc97 Yep, yesterday and today haven't been great for me. It really feels like I like the thoughts and don't like guys anymore which goes against what I always knew about myself.

@Mak46 I feel that too 😭

@cc97 And I have such a hard time sitting with uncertainty and anxiety. So I feel stuck

@Mak46 The uncertainty is the worst!!! Also ruminating

@cc97 Yep definitely. I tried to do therapy but I was so worried it wasn't going to work because I didn't have ocd. Then I also couldn't continue because it was too expensive.

@Mak46 That’s the same issue I have

@cc97 See like today I went out and was worrying about paying attention to girls and if I like them. But then having a moment where I thought about having a boyfriend made me happy which is normally how I feel.

@Mak46 Omg yes! One time I read something Where it said “look at what gender you pay attention to more” and then I started to try to figure it out :( I really feel more at ease when I think of having a boyfriend and husband but my anxiety makes it so hard to go through wjth it bc I’m so scared of rejection and intimacy

@cc97 Yes! I'm sure for both of us when we aren't worried or thinking too much about it we pay way more attention to guys and wanting a boyfriend and husband. But since we are so on alert we basically force ourselves to notice girls and how we feel all the time. When I know before this I barely paid attention to girls besides maybe like oh I like her clothes.

@Mak46 Omg I know!! It was things like ugh I wish I was her not I wish I was with her

@cc97 Exactly!

@Mak46 Random but how old are u

@cc97 I am 22. What about you?

@Mak46 24

@cc97 How long have you been dealing with this?

@Mak46 About 3/4 years how about you

@cc97 Well I realized that I have ocs honestly pretty recently but I'm pretty sure I have had it much longer but never knew it wasn't normal and something else. Has so-ocd always been your main theme?

@Mak46 I believe I probably have had other themes in childhood but as of rn yes soocd is my main theme

@cc97 Yeah same. I think it's hard to pat attention to as a kid if no one else recognizes what might be happening. Then trying to remember anything that might have been ocd is so difficult. I do remember that I was so terrified of my family dying and I think me dying. Way more than other kids and I don't think that fear ever went away.

@Mak46 Yes! I was the same way. When I was younger my mom worked overnight and I couldn’t sleep until she got home or else I thought she would die and it would be my fault. Also the thought of death and after death tormented me for years when I was younger I would literally spiral and panic

@cc97 Yes same! Occasionally my parents would bring up a topic that involved it and I wouldn't even be able to listen to the conversation because of how much it would freak me out. Which very recently I watched a video and they briefly mentioned that being so worried all the time that family was going to die as a child is actually common with kids that have ocd

@Mak46 Honestly back then I thought it was so normal ... but now I’m like definitely not

@cc97 Yeah me too. And now I'm like oh not every child was terrified of dying, etc. I even remember thinking at some point that I couldn't fall asleep before midnight or else something bad would happen. Which I don't know how I ever thought that was just a normal way of thinking

@Mak46 Literally same !!

It’s frustrating :(

@cc97 Yes very frustrating. And with how convincing it can be to make you think your thoughts are true

@Mak46 Literally all the time. It feels like Idk who I am at all anymore

@cc97 Yeah I have dealt with that a lot too. It really strips away important bug aspects of your personality. So you don't feel like youself. Since we were happy with how we felt before the ocd got much more intense.

@Mak46 Yes I agree! Have you found anything that helps

@cc97 I did find that kind of sarcastically replying to my thoughts helps occasionally. Or finding something that I enjoy to do to get me out of my head helps. Because I can definitely tell it gets worse when I am not busy and have so much time to just sit and think. I also have the skin picking part of ocd which has been going on for a long time. And I tried get help with that but it's been hard.

@Mak46 Yes I try to stay busy too