I have a hard time being there for my partner. With my own frustrations and continuous negative intrusive thoughts it makes it so difficult but it makes me wonder whether I like him or not and overthink because I feel like I lack such compassion. Yesterday he told me he was sad about the way something we had discussed had turned out and I never seem to be able to respond compassionately. Instead, I had expressed my discontent as well.

everytime i go out with my bf, he annoys me so much, but i get easily annoyed, he is just being himself and im so so si irritated by him, and i act out and i am rude to him, today i have upset him and he stopped talking to me. i font know what is wrong with me, i dont lnow if i like him, if i still have feelings, if i only want the ideea of the relationship, what if im only attached to him. i dont know anything, i have so many doubts. im so drained, i diny even know if i care that i upset him. i dont know. what if i dont care???

i went to therapy today and i told her about the lack of feeling i gave with my boyfriend, when we do anything, and all the anger i feel for no reason and she somehow told me im not sure i didnt understand it that , it dosent make sense that i want to love him but i dont feel love and i feel disgust when we kiss and thinngs and that i cant accept the truth????? like she is telling me i have lots of fear in me and im telling her im scared that i dont love him but this relationship is making me feel sad and uneassy when i want to be happy and calm bur i kept telling her all of this is bc of the thoughts and she told me that the thoughts are suppose to ease ar least when i am with him… i didnt tell my bf i wrnt to therapy bc he thinks they only want money, and that they can help me but i hav to help myself, and last time i went to therapy i wasnt feeling better and he is wondering how i wasnt feeling any better and that its strange to him to do “steps “ like this bc they only want money. And i left more confused and sad because she confirmed my fears somehow? i dont understand. im just scared i dont actually love him and that i only put high expectations on this relationship and i cant accept the truth. She told me , after i told her i always told people that these thoughts are not true bc they felt out of place, that we can say one thing and feel one thing and i felt like she was telling me again that these thoughts are real. I know im sad and miserable but i dont want to be like this, im scared that i iust matured and i simply dont love him

I feel so bad asking for help about this but I’m becoming a very bad partner with how I’m currently responding to this. My bf and I are both very passionate artists, but he takes the cake for most passionate I’d say. He will talk about his projects nonstop for hours and days on end. His current piece he’s talked about for maybe two weeks, everyday, it’s all he talks about and the first thing he brings up in conversation. He rarely talks about anything else now. I don’t mind a passionate rant, but this is constant, and a lack of variety in conversation…I just struggle enjoying it. I have begun to struggling with listening and my brain tunes him out. I’ve always had this problem w long conversations, but now it’s very VERY difficult to fight and I feel very bad. He will often have to repeat himself. I feel like an awful person for feeling this way, and reading forums online I have discovered this is a sign I don’t love my partner, bc loving partners can listen to their SO talk for hours on end, right? I keep fixating on this and I feel like this is the start of the end…I don’t think I can grow to enjoy this.