i locked myself in my room so i wouldn’t cause any danger to my siblings or my moms friends kids. i can’t breathe. my mind is trying to convince me to go out there and hurt the kids. my body is in full panic mode. i need help.

i cant find it☹️

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

it worries me so much. my mind kept telling me “ go do it!! you’re alone go ahead!!” so i ran to my room locked the door and sat on the floor and started bawling my eyes out. my mom had left to the store to get groceries & left me alone to babysit the kids & my siblings. i was doing okay until that thought popped up😞 i feel like a danger to the world i can’t trust myself anymore

thank you so much! i know this isn’t who i wanna be and that’s why it affects me so much but there’s always that one thought in my mind that’s constantly doubting me telling me “you’re very much capable so do it” and it sends my body into full panic. im so scared to be left alone around kids. i used to be a babysitter back then and i never worried about being alone with kids bc i loved them. they were my happiness i always dreamed of growing up and having 8 kids. i just feel so broken. and i’m so scared to act on my thoughts.

@Anonymous_234 I used to be a daycare teacher, I babysat all the time, I literally never had a thought like that until I had something traumatic happen to me. Idk if you’ve ever read about the science of ocd and why our brains give us intrusive thoughts, but it puts it into perspective when you’re getting an intrusive thought attack to read about it. Your brain is misfiring fear for something you don’t need to be afraid of. You can get through this. I believe in you

@Anon1294 me and my sister were in the hospital with my dad for 8 months straight. we were always there from 10am- 6pm everyday we would expect the worst news then the next day it would be good news then bad again. i think maybe that could’ve triggered me? we went through so much. im so so sorry for what you’re going through everything in life is just so hard.🥺 i haven’t read about it but i think i’m gonna read about it right now to try and release some stress and anxiety because i truly feel so lost.. thank you so much! we can both get through this! we’re gonna be okay🥺

got it! it’ll be here tuesday, i wasn’t sure how to get it on my phone but i just really wanna be okay already i’ve been struggling so bad, did your thoughts every try to convince you that if you need to act on your thoughts to feel ok? that’s my biggest trigger rn. that’s why i keep my distance from everyone. it’s such a huge fear for me

@Anonymous_234 Yeah my brain would be like “you need to test it out to KNOW if it’s true” and then I would spiral. The only thing that has made me feel better is pushing through and holding the kids and playing with them and trying to just live in the moment. The longer I spend time with them the more I realize I have absolutely no desire to do anything, it was just my ocd talking

@Anon1294 my body keeps going into straight panic even when i’m barely waking up, my mom recommended i go to the hospital but i’m absolutely terrifed. have you went to the hospital for your symptoms or anything? 😞

@Anonymous_234 I haven’t, but I have considered it when I feel really really bad. Are you on medication or do you see a therapist?

@Anon1294 i see a therapist on this app & i have gotten medications 😞

@Anonymous_234 I’m only asking because when you feel this terrible sometimes you can call your therapist and talk things through, how long have you been on the medication?

@Anon1294 ooh shoot i just noticed i put i have been on medication, i haven’t been on meds yet

@Anon1294 has your pocd ever been so bad where your mind try’s to trick you into thinking the only way out is acting on your thoughts? that’s been killing me inside.

@Anonymous_234 Yes it has, OCD has a way of nagging and nagging and that seems to be the thing that’s keeping you ruminating because it’s causing the most anxiety. Did you watch that video of the lady talking about exposure therapy where thinking about going to jail and everything? That helps you to not have so much fear behind the thoughts

@Anon1294 yes i did, it calmed me so so so much! but i’m not sure if you seen my recent post. it’s triggering me so bad. i think im gonna have another breakdown 😞

@Anonymous_234 That’s okay, breaking down doesn’t mean you’re unsafe. Uncomfortable doesn’t equal unsafe. Allow the anxiety to do what it wants, show it that there’s nothing to fear. When you welcome that feeling, that’s when you’re able to beat it to death. Show your anxiety and all of those false feelings that you’re not scared of them

@Anonymous_234 Remember you’re searching for an answer that doesn’t need to be answered. Leave it uncertain. That’s why your brain is telling you that you need to act on it to be *certain* but you don’t need to be certain.

@Anon1294 im just so freaked out because one of my thoughts consisted of “what if real pedos had pocd intrusive thoughts at one point & they gave up on fighting” and when i came across that comment my heart sank. i locked myself away in my room again.

@Anon1294 thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me! i appreciate you so much🥺

@Anonymous_234 I know I get scared of that too. Especially because I have SO-OCD too and I fear that I’m not even straight and maybe I’m really just gay. But then I think about my other themes I’ve had… themes that were easier to get rid of because I was able to achieve a certainty that you can’t have with other themes. I had a theme that my mom was going to die anytime she left me, and I’d cry and have anxiety attacks every time she was away. I’ve had themes that I would choke if I swallowed wrong, and I actually became so aware of my swallowing food that I stopped eating. I had themes that I might die in my sleep so I stayed awake. Did those things come true? No. But in the moment they felt REAL. And now as we grow our fears get scarier, harder to be sure of. So I just remember that this is just another theme and I need to conquer the fear in order to recover

@Anon1294 i havent really had other ocd themes yet but i’ve had other thoughts n stuff that i overthink but then i let them pass bc the thoughts of pocd torture me so much. im trying my best to not let my mind get to me but it’s so hard when it’s constantly somethings that’s on your mind and not only that it attacked one of my biggest values in life. im only 17 and i see absolutely no future for my myself anymore. i cry to my mom everynight about this bc it ruined me. im not sleeping. im not eating. i can’t go out. my siblings look irritated with me. my mind is killing me. i just have so much going on 😞

@Anon1294 i really really wanna fight to get better, im putting all the power i have left into fighting this bc this is the most painful theme i’d ever had to deal with. it’s absolutely terrible.

@Anonymous_234 You’re going to be okay. I promise you that you can overcome this. I am 28 and pocd just showed up, but I have beat other themes and I have faith in you that you can beat this. You have to try to eat a little here and there I know how hard it is but you need to keep yourself going