TW POCD and Real Event OCD 18+ please You don’t have to answer but I would really appreciate it if someone could help me. When I was younger I struggled with having a weird and embarrassing tickling fetish and I would go and search for said fetish but to me at the time that was the only thing that I was after. I don’t know how it formed or whatever made me have such a thing but it’s something I regret so much because as a teenager up around 15 to maybe 18 or 19 I would look up this fetish on ifunny or wherever but mostly ifunny and come across videos, memes and whatever about the fetish itself. It wasn’t because of people it wasn’t about whoever was in those things just to me it was about the fetish. So I’m scared because of the things I’ve come across at the time because it’s a normal everyday thing that got turned into a fetish for me when I was young and at the time I didn’t have any bad intentions. It never crossed my mind like “hey you might not want to do that because it’s wrong” it never even occurred to me at all. Like I said it wasn’t about who was in it. I’m scared of what if because masturbation was a big struggle at the time as well I would look up or scroll which doing that so I’m scared about that too. Like I said it wasn’t the intent to do anything wrong or bad. Usually “bad” people or whatever would know for sure what they are doing and do it anyways I had no clue until many years later I was about to fall asleep (when I was starting to develop OCD) and I remembered the mistakes I’ve made and I started balling and I’ve been obsessing about it ever since. I would never ever in my entire life ever make the same mistakes again. I’ve told my mom about it and my dad before he passed they both told me to let it go that it’s in the past there’s nothing I can do about it and forgive myself. I’ve also mentioned it to my first therapist and she gave me advice about it but I don’t remember what she said. Hopefully I don’t have to go into super detail it’s about POCD so I’m pretty sure you get the idea but I have so many fears regarding it like “what if I’m a monster or p” or “what if it was considered or equivalent to the thing on the internet that people with pocd fear the most” and so on. I’m so sorry to go on about this. I’ve posted about it in the past and I can feel myself spiraling all over again but if anyone relates or can help me I would appreciate it. I promise I’m not a bad person and I never want to be. I know I should let this go but it’s so hard to when my mind won’t shut up about it 💔