I keep drafting or beginning to write a suicide note/letter. I don’t have any plans on actually taking my life but I feel I already know what I’d write. I keep getting ocd when I start writing it and have to quickly erase it and get rid of it. I feel like my future cured self will be able to see clearly and realise suicide was not a nesaessery thing. But I feel like my family especially my dad just don’t take my mental health seriously like because it’s not some physical illness it’s not a big deal. It makes me feel so pathetic and annoyed at myself for even thinking in a suicidal way and it makes me think I’m not “bad” enough or don’t have a proper reason to feel suicidal. Im just in complete conflict and at a loss. I am drastically losing any control over my mind and how I think. It’s ruining my life.

Please keep this in check. If your not seeing a therapist make an appointment or talk to someone you feel comfortable with to discuss. Here’s an important article about this- https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/?topic=suicide Don’t let this slide, if it’s getting worse and you’re having troubles. Our brains work differently and we need to be fully aware of how it’s affecting our day to day functioning.

Please let your therapist know you are thinking in this manner, there is absolutely no shame or stigma anymore when it comes to mental health. You come first. I wish the very best for you. Hang in there.

Thank you, I have just started therapy and plan to give it a good go. I don’t want to give up.

I tried committing suicide once. I did not succeed. I regret trying too. I now know I was not in my right mind and needed to be somewhere safe. I checked myself in to inpatient which was the best option for me. I hope you can make healthy choices for yourself and know that suicide isn't an answer.

When you start to think about writing a note put your pen or pencil down. Take some deep breaths. Go outside, be with nature and just let all your feelings out. Scream, cry, whatever. The last thing you want to do is write the letter and then think the next step is perfectly fine and going thru with you plan. That’s what I did and being outside has really helped me. I hope you get the help you need!