Ugh I am out of control! So seven weeks ago I had a baby, she is perfect and healthy and for that I am so thankful. 9 days after she was born I developed a DVT (bad blood clot in my leg). I was devastated! I hah eve come obsessed with this. They have even done two ultrasound recently and told me the blood clots are gone now. I will continue to be on blood thinner another four months. I have been to the ER over 13 times(not including seeing my doctor twice a week!). I am so obsessed, it’s all I can think about. Now after we got the scans back and they were good I’m worried I have some crazy blood clotting disorder. They tested me for the top five and they all came back negative. This is taking over my life. Now I worry that I have something else wrong with me like a brain tumor or cancer ?. My doctor keeps saying we’ve done so much blood work and nothing has shown up. But I’m so stressed

Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.

Hi everyone, this is giving me so much anxiety even saying this out loud because my OcD is telling me that somehow someone will know who I am on here and report me this goes with what I’m about to say about my irrational stuff. Since my baby was born I’ve had a lot of majorrr anxiety about him getting sick. From there my postpartum ocd spiked. I had this irrational fear someone would falsely report me as a bad mom and I’d get my baby taken from me. I’ve NEVER had anyone tell me I’m a bad mom, as a matter of fact, almost every day I get praised for how good of a mom I am. My child is so loved and taken care of. So why did I have that fear? it CONSUMED ME. Obsessively cleaning my house in case a social worker came. Stopped posting myself having occasional girls nights out for dinner because I thought one of my followers would think I’m a bad mom for getting a break. Not being able to talk about ANYTHING or send pictures of my baby to family and friends to update them since we live out of state because somehow I thought I would say something wrong or do something that would make someone think I’m a bad mom. I was convinced my baby was gonna be taken for zero reason. I still sometimes catch myself over analyzing myself and what I say because I don’t want to say the wrong thing and someone think I’m not a fit mom. I would even replay every scenario I remember and then second guess myself if that really happened or if I said something or not and freak out and spiral from there. with driving, if I go over a speed bump I have to double check it wasn’t magically a person. Then I panic even though I know for a fact it was a speed bump. I hate living like this. I feel crazy. I don’t open up because I feel like I’m the only person in the world. The one time I opened up about driving it was used against me. I feel like I’m drowning and I’m failing as a mom. I don’t even open up to a therapist about my irrational fear about baby being taken bc I don’t want them to think I’m a bad mom. It just doesn’t stop.

I never used to really care about my health unless I got sick and just took some meds and went about my day. Last fall I was diagnosed as diabetic. In the winter my car was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and I ended up with extremely bad anxiety and anticipatory grief like I have never felt before. My other cat now is on two medications for health issues. I was in the hospital in march for diverticulitis. I have a pinched nerve from trying to do yoga. A few weeks ago I had a colonoscopy and now I’m having mild tremors and some numbness and tingling in my extremities. My anxiety is through the roof. I went to my primary doctor who thought it was my medications having a bad side effect so she took me off it. The tremors have gotten somewhat better but the numbness has not improved. Okay where am I going with this? Every day I get this gnawing anxiety that makes me feel like I need to go to the hospital but I don’t go for financial reasons and because I’m terrified that they’ll make me stay overnight or I’ll get another bad diagnosis. How do I live like this ? I’ve never dealt with any anxiety or obsession thoughts in my life before this and now it’s a daily struggle. I often find myself crying because I’m freaking myself out. Please help.