I love my boyfriend. I feel like I have a very strong connection with him which has developed over time and I want to marry him and have children with him . That being said, in the beginning it wasn’t easy , I wouldn’t say I was infatuated with him , I knew I loved him early on but it made me want to run a mile if I’m honest , I have major trust issues and I struggle being vulnerable. I think I found all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us in my head to push him away but I was fighting with the fact I know I love him.which probably kick started my ocd . Anyways for the last few days Ive had no intrusive thoughts about him and I feel very in love with him. Then earlier I panicked and googled ‘ can you fall in love with someone without having gone through infatuation’ all I can read is people saying that love at first sight is real and people who say it takes a bit of time are just faking it, that love just happens. I now feel really defeated, I’ve had to really work on my ROCD I’ve had some major struggles with negative intrusive thoughts about my attraction towards my boyfriend as he is not my usual type and stuff but deep down I know I love him on such a deeper level. I am scared that I am labelling what is going on as relationship ocd when in actual fact I may be denying my relationship may not be right. I desperately want things to work out between us and for us to marry in the future which is something we both talk about. But I feel sick in my stomach as the initial deep infatuation wasn’t there it’s more of a slow growing deep love but I’m worried one day I’ll meet someone who I feel that ‘love at first sight ‘ everyone is talking about and that I will destroy my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I am attracted to my my boyfriend , the sex is very good and he is very good looking but he’s not my usual type , I usually go for someone slightly taller and a bit different style but in a way that makes me love him even more because I’ve learnt to love the person he is rather than picking someone who fits a picture in my head if that makes sense. I’m so scared to lose him or to mess it up I want to cry so badly

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Love is a choice not a feeling and the more you chase down those 'feelings' the less you will be able to actually 'feel' them since you are putting an immense effort into it. ROCD is not a joke, I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I think my ROCD started a long ago and I’m just seeking treatment rn. Stay strong, there’s no certainty about the future.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

And sorry if I just gave you reassurance, but those words I said to you, where the ones that made me look up for treatment

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

But why do so many people say love is not a choice it’s a chemical reaction and we don’t get to chose? And people say they meet someone and they just know ? Like I’ve had chemistry with people before but never lived them or wanted to marry them ? But I love my boyfriend but I didn’t have that initial chemistry

CaptainKierk...

Date posted: 3y

@Tillyyyx so many people also have relationships that don’t last, but that’s none of my business…

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

how are you doing now on this? I’m struggling with the similar situation

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous Hey, yes I’m not feeling triggered on this issue right now. It comes and goes in waves though and I think the main thing is to remember that and not get too upset when we get anxious because it’ll fade again. It’s all about perspective and sometimes I get so caught up in something which seems so urgent and important only to then see it as an unimportant issue when I’m in a different headspace. There are things that still trigger me right in this moment , but I’m slowly learning to enjoy the challenge. It’s an uncomfortable feeling but I believe ROCD has also helped me work on who I am and what I bring to the relationship, it’s allowed me to be more resilient and work hard for this relationship to last which I think will pay off in the long run, if I hadn’t gone through this I may not have developed the skills and knowledge to have the lasting relationships in reaching for :).

Tillyyyx

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous And as for the whole infatuation part, I don’t see it as an issue that worries me this second, I haven’t Googled since a few weeks and that’s really helped because peoples ignorant comments definitely don’t help. Infatuation isn’t love, once we truly grasp that and stop longing for these temporary rush feelings we can begin to create and develop the true loving bond that we’re after

CaptainKierk...

Date posted: 3y

I won’t offer you any reassurance, but I hope you find peace on this.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Thanks for that! It definitely does come in waves

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