- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Love is a choice not a feeling and the more you chase down those 'feelings' the less you will be able to actually 'feel' them since you are putting an immense effort into it. ROCD is not a joke, I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I think my ROCD started a long ago and I’m just seeking treatment rn. Stay strong, there’s no certainty about the future.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
And sorry if I just gave you reassurance, but those words I said to you, where the ones that made me look up for treatment
- Date posted
- 3y
But why do so many people say love is not a choice it’s a chemical reaction and we don’t get to chose? And people say they meet someone and they just know ? Like I’ve had chemistry with people before but never lived them or wanted to marry them ? But I love my boyfriend but I didn’t have that initial chemistry
- Date posted
- 3y
@Tillyyyx so many people also have relationships that don’t last, but that’s none of my business…
- Date posted
- 2y
how are you doing now on this? I’m struggling with the similar situation
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous Hey, yes I’m not feeling triggered on this issue right now. It comes and goes in waves though and I think the main thing is to remember that and not get too upset when we get anxious because it’ll fade again. It’s all about perspective and sometimes I get so caught up in something which seems so urgent and important only to then see it as an unimportant issue when I’m in a different headspace. There are things that still trigger me right in this moment , but I’m slowly learning to enjoy the challenge. It’s an uncomfortable feeling but I believe ROCD has also helped me work on who I am and what I bring to the relationship, it’s allowed me to be more resilient and work hard for this relationship to last which I think will pay off in the long run, if I hadn’t gone through this I may not have developed the skills and knowledge to have the lasting relationships in reaching for :).
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous And as for the whole infatuation part, I don’t see it as an issue that worries me this second, I haven’t Googled since a few weeks and that’s really helped because peoples ignorant comments definitely don’t help. Infatuation isn’t love, once we truly grasp that and stop longing for these temporary rush feelings we can begin to create and develop the true loving bond that we’re after
- Date posted
- 3y
I won’t offer you any reassurance, but I hope you find peace on this.
- Date posted
- 2y
Thanks for that! It definitely does come in waves
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I don’t understand how my boyfriend can love me so much after everything I put him through. He constantly shows me how much he loves me, yet I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it. I can’t explain how badly I behave towards him when these thoughts take over, how often I lash out because of them, and how many times I’ve told him exactly what’s on my mind. He tries to use logic to help me, but it never seems to work. And now, even as I’m writing this, I feel like crying—yet at the same time, my mind tells me that I don’t care. This horrible feeling inside me won’t go away. I keep thinking, “What if I don’t like him?” That thought is always there. I wonder if I had unrealistic expectations about this relationship from the beginning, since he is my first boyfriend. What if I convinced myself I liked him just because I wanted my first relationship to be perfect? And now, I just can’t accept the truth? It scares me even more knowing that he moved to my city for me. I feel like I’m constantly upset, constantly sad. And despite everything, he’s always there for me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t know what to do to feel okay again. Every time I talk to him, I get this strange feeling inside me, and I’m terrified that it means my thoughts are actually true. He tells me that my happiness shouldn’t depend only on him, that I should focus on more than just this relationship—because for over a year now, my mind has been stuck in an endless loop of questioning whether I love him or not. He asks me, “Who are you fighting? Why do you care so much? You’ve been asking yourself the same question for over a year—shouldn’t you know the answer by now?” And my response is always, “Because I want to be with you.” But then, when I try to answer whether I like him or not, more doubts take over. I start thinking, “Maybe I just can’t accept that I don’t love him. Maybe I just want to keep this relationship perfect.” The worst part is that he has never done anything wrong. He has always been patient, kind, and loving, yet I feel so lost. I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t understand what I feel. And I don’t understand why I can’t understand what I feel. He also tells me that ever since I started reading so much about relationships and OCD online, I have gotten worse. And he’s right. I have become much worse than I was before. The problem is that before, I thought I was at my worst, but looking back, I was still able to feel happiness at times. Now, I feel completely stuck. I don’t know if I’m crying because I hate this feeling, or because I don’t want to think this way about him. It feels like I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore.
- Date posted
- 12w
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
- Date posted
- 11w
So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.
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