- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Love is a choice not a feeling and the more you chase down those 'feelings' the less you will be able to actually 'feel' them since you are putting an immense effort into it. ROCD is not a joke, I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I think my ROCD started a long ago and I’m just seeking treatment rn. Stay strong, there’s no certainty about the future.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
And sorry if I just gave you reassurance, but those words I said to you, where the ones that made me look up for treatment
- Date posted
- 3y
But why do so many people say love is not a choice it’s a chemical reaction and we don’t get to chose? And people say they meet someone and they just know ? Like I’ve had chemistry with people before but never lived them or wanted to marry them ? But I love my boyfriend but I didn’t have that initial chemistry
- Date posted
- 3y
@Tillyyyx so many people also have relationships that don’t last, but that’s none of my business…
- Date posted
- 2y
how are you doing now on this? I’m struggling with the similar situation
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous Hey, yes I’m not feeling triggered on this issue right now. It comes and goes in waves though and I think the main thing is to remember that and not get too upset when we get anxious because it’ll fade again. It’s all about perspective and sometimes I get so caught up in something which seems so urgent and important only to then see it as an unimportant issue when I’m in a different headspace. There are things that still trigger me right in this moment , but I’m slowly learning to enjoy the challenge. It’s an uncomfortable feeling but I believe ROCD has also helped me work on who I am and what I bring to the relationship, it’s allowed me to be more resilient and work hard for this relationship to last which I think will pay off in the long run, if I hadn’t gone through this I may not have developed the skills and knowledge to have the lasting relationships in reaching for :).
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous And as for the whole infatuation part, I don’t see it as an issue that worries me this second, I haven’t Googled since a few weeks and that’s really helped because peoples ignorant comments definitely don’t help. Infatuation isn’t love, once we truly grasp that and stop longing for these temporary rush feelings we can begin to create and develop the true loving bond that we’re after
- Date posted
- 3y
I won’t offer you any reassurance, but I hope you find peace on this.
- Date posted
- 2y
Thanks for that! It definitely does come in waves
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- Date posted
- 13w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 12w
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
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