- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Love is a choice not a feeling and the more you chase down those 'feelings' the less you will be able to actually 'feel' them since you are putting an immense effort into it. ROCD is not a joke, I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I think my ROCD started a long ago and I’m just seeking treatment rn. Stay strong, there’s no certainty about the future.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
And sorry if I just gave you reassurance, but those words I said to you, where the ones that made me look up for treatment
- Date posted
- 3y
But why do so many people say love is not a choice it’s a chemical reaction and we don’t get to chose? And people say they meet someone and they just know ? Like I’ve had chemistry with people before but never lived them or wanted to marry them ? But I love my boyfriend but I didn’t have that initial chemistry
- Date posted
- 3y
@Tillyyyx so many people also have relationships that don’t last, but that’s none of my business…
- Date posted
- 2y
how are you doing now on this? I’m struggling with the similar situation
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous Hey, yes I’m not feeling triggered on this issue right now. It comes and goes in waves though and I think the main thing is to remember that and not get too upset when we get anxious because it’ll fade again. It’s all about perspective and sometimes I get so caught up in something which seems so urgent and important only to then see it as an unimportant issue when I’m in a different headspace. There are things that still trigger me right in this moment , but I’m slowly learning to enjoy the challenge. It’s an uncomfortable feeling but I believe ROCD has also helped me work on who I am and what I bring to the relationship, it’s allowed me to be more resilient and work hard for this relationship to last which I think will pay off in the long run, if I hadn’t gone through this I may not have developed the skills and knowledge to have the lasting relationships in reaching for :).
- Date posted
- 2y
@Anonymous And as for the whole infatuation part, I don’t see it as an issue that worries me this second, I haven’t Googled since a few weeks and that’s really helped because peoples ignorant comments definitely don’t help. Infatuation isn’t love, once we truly grasp that and stop longing for these temporary rush feelings we can begin to create and develop the true loving bond that we’re after
- Date posted
- 3y
I won’t offer you any reassurance, but I hope you find peace on this.
- Date posted
- 2y
Thanks for that! It definitely does come in waves
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.
- Date posted
- 16w
So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.
- Date posted
- 10w
I’ve dealt with ocd themes for as long as I can remember, POCD, HOCD, false memory, the feelings of having to confess something, washing certain body parts a specific amount of times, all of it I am still pretty young and I just got into my first relationship. I always knew ROCD existed I just never had the chance to have an experience with it 😭 and here I am. I really do think I have an anxious attachment style. But it’s also like I constantly worry if I’m too much or if i should not be in a relationship or if I rlly love my partner like I tell him. I am sensitive and very communicative so when things bother me I like to communicate them but then I worry that I do too much or I worry that it isn’t normal to find this many things wrong so early in a relationship. I also worry if he doesn’t like me or if he Will get tired of me, but those thoughts are easier to get by. The hard thoughts r the ones where I doubt my feelings for him. My mind feels like a MESS! And it’s harder because we only see eachother once a week. This may be heaven compared to other ppl who struggle with real long distance but for me the time in between gives me a lot of time to nitpick things that aren’t even real problems and create a sense of a toxic relationship that isn’t even real! The only times where I feel like maybe it’s all in my head are when. I see him and the days after, but when it gets long it gets rlly hard. I rlly do love him and he gives me reassurance when needed but I can’t help but focus on the negatives when little things bother me, especially when we are apart from eachother and jsut texting. Texting is hard because then there is the obsession over waiting to see how long he will take, not knowing the tone of texts, and being able to over analyze every conversation we’ve had. I also do mental checks to help me reassure myself that I love him 😭 like when’s the last time he made me laugh, what are some nice things he’s done that I rlly liked, and jsut trying to actively acknowledge everything he’s done so I can stop panicking abt the fear that I don’t love him. It’s literally only been 2 months of us dating so the fact my ocd is so early onset annoys me so bad because I rlly do feel like I am still in the crucial stages of a relationship where we are learning how to love eachother, so there should be some ups and downs and minor arguments while we get over this phase… but I can’t help but wonder what if these little things just mean I hate him? It’s extreme but I worry and the reels and tik toks I see about people realizing they don’t love their partner make it all bad!
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