I love my boyfriend. I feel like I have a very strong connection with him which has developed over time and I want to marry him and have children with him . That being said, in the beginning it wasn’t easy , I wouldn’t say I was infatuated with him , I knew I loved him early on but it made me want to run a mile if I’m honest , I have major trust issues and I struggle being vulnerable. I think I found all the reasons it wouldn’t work out between us in my head to push him away but I was fighting with the fact I know I love him.which probably kick started my ocd . Anyways for the last few days Ive had no intrusive thoughts about him and I feel very in love with him. Then earlier I panicked and googled ‘ can you fall in love with someone without having gone through infatuation’ all I can read is people saying that love at first sight is real and people who say it takes a bit of time are just faking it, that love just happens. I now feel really defeated, I’ve had to really work on my ROCD I’ve had some major struggles with negative intrusive thoughts about my attraction towards my boyfriend as he is not my usual type and stuff but deep down I know I love him on such a deeper level. I am scared that I am labelling what is going on as relationship ocd when in actual fact I may be denying my relationship may not be right. I desperately want things to work out between us and for us to marry in the future which is something we both talk about. But I feel sick in my stomach as the initial deep infatuation wasn’t there it’s more of a slow growing deep love but I’m worried one day I’ll meet someone who I feel that ‘love at first sight ‘ everyone is talking about and that I will destroy my beautiful relationship with my boyfriend. I am attracted to my my boyfriend , the sex is very good and he is very good looking but he’s not my usual type , I usually go for someone slightly taller and a bit different style but in a way that makes me love him even more because I’ve learnt to love the person he is rather than picking someone who fits a picture in my head if that makes sense. I’m so scared to lose him or to mess it up I want to cry so badly