So afraid of not being anxious anymore or not being anxious enough from the beginning, when everything started. I don't want it to be truth. I want to love him and be with him. I want it to only rocd, but I'm not anxious..

I struggled heavily with this for 3-4 starting my junior year of college with my boyfriend. It is scary at first when you slowly become less anxious. I felt the same way being anxious that I wasn’t anxious or anxious enough and fearing that it was because I just didn’t care what would happen or what I could do. Try to look back and see the pattern of your thoughts and how when you get over one, another comes and you seem to almost forget past thoughts. It’s a nasty pattern and getting less anxious doesn’t mean you don’t love him and don’t care. I have since been able to move away from rocd and now those thoughts just come and go. You got this

Thank you so much for your response ❤️ I'm so afraid, that I didn't have enough symptoms or rocd even when it started. I wasn't so much anxious even at the time beginning, so now I can't do ERP, because I feel no anxiety. I'm only crying and want to be believe, that I still cannot stay with him and be happy with him...

@Andate You’re sad because you can’t stay with him and be happy?

@Anonymous I'm afraid, that I can't stay, while staying with him and loving him is everything I want. I'm crying badly every time when I think about leaving..

I see. Is there a reason you’re afraid you can’t stay?

Because I'm afraid that I don't love him and without anxiety, maybe it's my truth?

If leaving him makes you feel very sad, I don’t think that you don’t love him. Although most people respond with anxiety, it looks like you’re responding with sadness. Try and trash the thoughts that come your way and rather than trying to figure out if whether you love him or not is your truth, focus on the present and things you may be excited to do with him

Thank you ❤️ I was so happy with him before all that started. I was reality happy, he felt like home. When I thought I might lose him, I cried all the time, and hold his hand in sleep to remember him. I was crying many many times, I was obsessing a d googling for many hours, I lost some weight, I literally wanted to die, to not suffer anymore. I don't want to lose him, I don't want to have these thoughts. I'm scared, that if it's not rocd, that mean it's true, so that's why I want this anxiety so much..

If you’re constantly thinking about it, stressing, and crying, I feel like it could be a type for anxiety response. Have you ever had anxiety before? It is not always a physiological feeling even for me. You got this and I’ve been there too!!

And now we are still together 4.5 years later

Happy for you! And wish you all the best beat in future! Before, I have really bad health anxiety, when I was frantically making appointment with doctors, and finally get hospitalized. I have also some compulsion with word "death". I'm obsessing about 10 months now, can't stop thinking and googling.

@Andate Week ago I feel love and happiness, then started to obsess once more. I'm crying in every appointment with my therapist. She think I have ocd a d should see psychiatrist.

One good exposure to start would be to refrain from googling as much as possible. Does wat more harm and no good. Do you have any other compulsions that have to do w rocd?

I'm seeking reassurence from my partner and other poeple, comparing my relationship to others, checking feelings frequently, making scenarios to see my reactions, ruminating over and over againg also with analysing things from the past, trying to think the solution, comparing my symptoms with others a lot, checking my attraction, checking my pulse, to see if I'm anxious... I'm avoiding songs, books and movies about love, I'm avoiding attractive women in movies, because I'm questioning my sexual orientation. I spend days googling and can't to my job properly due to that, because I'm always in my head. Confessing to my partner...

You'll be fine, it's just so frustrating, I can't stop ruminating either, digging up every little feeling I had when we were dating, doubting my love for him, and why, if I was so anxious, why did I stick it out. I've been married 38yrs and just recently, this all.popped up, and I cant calm down. I don't want him to know all this anxiety and anxiousness is about the past. I feel silly bringing it up.

It would be good to push yourself to watch those movies and read those books. The more you give up to try and satisfy your ocd, the more your life is going to shrink and ocd will take more control. You have to understand that ocd tries to steal and destroy you. Try to battle it hard and trash the ruminating thoughts

I think you're giving out bad advise here. People are here to share experiences, .

Oh I see. You're not replying to me. My bad.

So you mean to let them keep playing in my mind and let the ocd manifest so it will work its way out.. I'm confuse, I thought it was best to do stop thought processing when it got bad.

These movie are from real life , and aren't pleasant to watch,.. usually if there's a bad movie, I won't watch it. I turn it off and don't watch it . So I'm a little confused on what you mean.

What I meant was if there are many things that you now shield yourself from doing, your world closes in on you. If material that is watched is objectively unhealthy then no don’t watch it. If there is a movie like the notebook that is wholesome and abojt love, make it an exposure to watch it and push through. And no I don’t think it is good to let thoughts ruminate. It’s good to try and trash them.