I need dire help i am not okay or am i ? Idk anything anymore..I am at a point where i am convinced this isn’t ocd and just my denial and because its denial i am nervous and anxious and scared to accept the fear which I don’t even treat as fear anymore. Whatever thoughts i have during the day I usually write them in my notes and then at the end of the day post them but now i don’t even care if i do that and that just tell me that all this fear could be a lie… i had a dream with this guy which turned into the guy being a girl and kissing me and it actually felt like I didn’t want him to continue to be a guy but wanted to be a girl and even on this platform there’s one person who said all these thoughts and fear and nervousness just lead her to accepting who she was later on and therapy helped her and now i think if i go for therapy its going to tell me the same like anyone who reads this is going to say you’re not straight but bi and i am at point where I won’t even think just accept it and be like oh i can explore more and just reading all that i am writing is a proof of who I actually am and not…i had a dream where my friend who is straight and hopefully i am too cause I don’t know anything anymore we were talking in my dream and then she just came over me and i woke up from the dream its like i felt this giddy kinda feeling in my dream and nervousness and i feel i would feel the same it real life too I don’t think anyone can tell me that this is me still being straight i am not even anxious anymore i am at point where i think what happens if i come out and all this makes me think i have lost…. Thinking about a guy doesn’t feel normal like i am pushing guys away and its making me thinking all the past liking towards the guys were also fake and its was never this and cause it seems easier to be bi its more believable like I don’t relate to the guy stuff crush anymore and constantly just notice the same sex and then have this constant thought of like i know i force myself to feel the anxiety and force myself to write all this because these are compulsions and they tell me its still ocd when i think with everything thats its not and even if i stop these compulsions which I actually rarely do i still have these thoughts and if just one day i act upon them feeling like a possibility then all this was a lie this life was a lie.. my mother talks about bf and i all i think is thats a lie do i even want to be with a guy what if i am not with the girl because if society family and my own thinking and these are valid questions so how are they just intrusive thoughts I don’t understand it seems like i want to be something else cause that might give me peace and being straight doesn’t feel real anymore my friends try to set me up with a guy and all i feel like no and people on here write stuff like i know i want to be with my guy but these thoughts are bad I don’t know anything anymore all the future stuff i start thinking what if a girl and these i fee like are somethings a person coming out would experience not with ocd and earlier i would never accept it but now cause i feel like i can when people with ocd never can as they panic i feel like it was never ocd?!? Pls help tell what i should do?