Does anyone else have doubts that their saved? It’s so hard for me cus I’m unsure if I did it right and was struggling with ocd back then too so I’m unsure about a thought I had and it’s bugging me.

If you suffer from Christian OCD and feel Jesus hates you and you’re going to hell every few seconds but I keep fighting it because when I pray it says Lucifer and I refuse to pray to him. If I do Jesus will send me to hell. I’m terrified. When does it end. Some Christian’s are so peaceful, I want that.. why.. I feel cursed forever. I have faith in others journey… not mine. I’m stuck like this forever. My mind will never be the same.

I need some help. I keep having thoughts that I don’t believe in God anymore or that I don’t want to believe in God. I have always believed but I just recently started following him more closely. I did ask for Jesus to come into my heart. But now I’m scared that I have lost my salvation. It’s hard to read and pray and I keep getting thoughts that I don’t believe what I reading or that God won’t forgive the sins that I have done. I have been having panic attacks and I’m afraid I’m going to go to hell or I’m afraid that it’s true and I don’t believe in God. I’m also afraid that since God does know my heart what if it truly isn’t for him. I just need some help I’m afraid I’m never going to get back to normal.

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?