I feel helpless. I have had sexual fantasies about women(I am a woman) but always desired to be with a man emotionally, physically, and romantically. I’ve never been with a woman in real life and never desired to. When I was single the thought of hooking up with a woman never entered my mind. I am married to my wonderful husband now and he knows all of the fantasies I have and it doesn’t bother him at all. However, I can’t stop feeling the obsessive need to define it and I feel it’s not right. I have this perfectionist in me and the need to have answers and define it. It sends me into this dark, depressive, OCD spiral I feel I can’t come out of. Does anyone else feel this way? I hope I’m not alone someone please help! Any advice at all is appreciated!

Hello. I am also married to my wonderful husband and I have the same theme as you. I think sexuality is on a spectrum but I know what you mean by obsessing about it and trying to define it. I also have the tendacy to watch the woman in porn. But like you, I only actually desire to be with a man in every way. I feel depressed about this too. You are not alone. Maybe we can offer eachother encouragement. I'm a Christian too.

I definitely think providing encouragement is a good idea. I am very attracted to my husband and would never leave him but the OCD thoughts make me feel like but what if I did and what if I am lying to myself and I am living a lie?! I have had the fantasies since I was a teenager but after having them I felt wrong and weird and I have always loved being with men- their smell, their masculinity, romantic feelings etc. I’ve never felt that way for a woman ever. I do believe sexuality is a spectrum and most people lie somewhere in between. My therapist has told me that before and that the fantasies are just that… fantasies. What makes them arousing is knowing they are taboo and nothing that would happen in real life. I’m trying to get to a place where I can accept this and move on to be happy. I know they won’t go away but I can learn to deal with them. My husband has accepted me fully for who I am but I have trouble with this.

Wow, I relate so much! I am also happily married to my husband. I have sexual fantasies/dreams about women and my husband knows and isn't bothered. But it's painful, confusing, and isolating.

Yes it is very painful and isolating. I hate that others feel this way because obviously I know how it feels but it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. I am anxious to see my therapist from NOCD this week to start getting help. I just want to be happy- go on and live my life without feeling this way.

Same here! I got married March of last year and had horrible ROCD and SOOCD, it latched on to everything and then gave me the intrusive thought “im gay”which I got stuck in my head on repeat, but I know isn’t true Haha. I have thought about it and come to the same conclusion sexuality is on a spectrum, and I feel like of course women are beautiful and so forth but I only am romantically attracted to males. Makes me feel like people would judge me on my sexuality and that I’m a weirdo 😂

We think things about ourselves that no one else thinks and our biggest fear is what others would think. Well guess what?! They don’t need to know and who knows what is going on in other people’s minds! Most people don’t share this stuff and so we automatically think that others aren’t thinking anything close to what we are thinking and we start judging ourselves. We are our own worst enemies.

Exactly what keeps me stuck some days, I’m like people would judge me and just say I’m gay when it’s like no I’ve pondered it im not and I have OCD 😂

Are any of you a Christian as well dealing with this?

Yes!

@GeckoGirl3 Me too. I read your comment above. Girly, you're not alone. I struggle with watching porn. I try not to but when I give in I usually focus on the woman. I think it's because I wish I could move like that on my husband. I also have low self esteem. I'm working on finding my identity in Christ.

@ranchdoritos88 That sounds really hard. I know you're not alone. Praying for you!❤

@GeckoGirl3 Praying for you too. I wish there was a way we could stay connected on here. Perhaps this thread?

Yes!

@ranchdoritos88 Yeah, I'm not sure if there's another way to stay connected!