- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
That’s so hard :( It sounds like a lot of the pain you’re going through right now has nothing to do with OCD, because a breakup like that is super intense for everybody. Questioning back and forth like crazy is probably your OCD. So it sounds like you need to try to let go of those doubts in the ERP way of resisting trying to “figure it out,” and instead just accept the pain you’re feeling and let yourself feel that pain instead of trying to solve it.
- Date posted
- 3y
As in, the fact you’re in pain right now doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong choice. The pain makes sense. You can’t solve away the pain or use thinking to make it go away.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you so much. It’s been a few days and we even got to chat through it a few days later and we know we’re making the right decision, as tough as it is. Now I’m dealing with my OCD just making me overthink every little thing around me in many ways a little bit more bc that’s how I am and I’m in a bit of an emotional place 😂
- Date posted
- 3y
@kittea I know it’s still super hard but it sounds like you’re doing a good job :) I know what you mean, sometimes it’s just trying to do your own thing while OCD is like an annoying person next to you heckling you who you have to ignore
- Date posted
- 3y
Additional context: we both really want to remain friends. We are seeing how these next few days go in terms of the breakup but we just aren’t in the same place right now and I’m just…scared I guess? We are in the same friend group too and we don’t want the other to have to suffer or leave at our expense. It’s only been one day and I know time will heal but my GOD I have no tools to deal with this haha
- Date posted
- 3y
im going through something similar. break up of almost 4 years. do you have any social media? maybe we can talk there for support.
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m so so sorry to hear that. :( Are you doing okay? We can definitely chat here if you want
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
(22F) Broke up with my ex. Didn’t know what ROCD was at the time. He has moved on with someone new. The depression and regret has gotten really bad as of lately, and I don’t know what to do. I’m so tired. I kind of want to be single forever, though my heart yearns for connection. I’ve always wanted to be a mom and parent with someone I love one day. It’s not worth it if my mind is this way. I’m working with a NOCD therapist soon. If someone has a story similar I would love to hear, I’m really struggling. Thank you so much.
- Date posted
- 21w
Longer post, but please, I need some guidance. I thought that my thoughts relating to relationship OCD were taking over. But, my bf started treating me differently. I tried to have a conversation and communicate this worry. He then texted me that he had actually been feeling distant for a month and has been meaning to tell me. But “we’re fine now.” I spiraled. Later in the week, he went quiet after a disagreement. After he promised we were okay and he was okay, I found later he was texting a mutual friend (female) that I was crying again. She said that it was fucking insane and other hurtful things about me. He said he lost his trust with me because I looked through his phone and saw that message even though during the whole relationship we had a mutual understanding that we had nothing to hide from each other and he always assured me that I could look through his phone at anytime. It’s ok for boundaries to change in a relationship, but it wasn’t communicated and I was harshly reprimanded. During the texting chain with the mutual friend he also said that “she just has no idea.” When I addressed this, he then said that for the past month, he actually felt he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but still loved me. I’m ruined. I had the same thoughts in January and knew I loved him. I found out it was ROCD (through this app) and told him the day after the realization because it was eating at me. So him saying I wouldn’t understand and telling other seems unjustified. I would’ve been the most understanding. Any help would be appreciated greatly.
- Date posted
- 18w
Hi everyone — just reaching out for a bit of support, perspective, and maybe some guidance. I was in a relationship with someone who had untreated ROCD, and I’m trying to process it all now that we’re apart. I’ve written my experience below, not to vent, but to better understand what happened and how to handle it with compassion (for both of us). I was in a relationship with someone who struggled deeply with OCD and ROCD, though they weren’t in treatment at the time. From the outside, things looked fine. But behind closed doors, I witnessed spirals, dissociation, identity shifts, panic, and emotional instability that few people ever saw. We both knew about the disorder. It wasn’t hidden. They even spoke about ROCD through awareness posts online. We knew what it was — we named it together — but knowing wasn’t enough to stop it. And unfortunately, the people around them didn’t fully understand OCD, ROCD, or just how powerful and persuasive this disorder can be. There was real love between us. Deep, honest, complicated love. And a connection that existed long before we ever became a couple — a connection I still believe in. But fear and doubt — the kind only OCD can generate — made everything feel unsafe. The anxiety got so loud that eventually, breaking up felt like the only option. Despite OCD or not, I’ve respected their decision and given them the space I know they needed and were entitled to. They shared a lot with me — things I won’t repeat here, because they’re theirs. But they were raw. Honest. Human. I was the one who sat through the “I don’t know” spirals. The doubts over feelings, attraction, and more. I was their rock — the one who understood. And they told me that, more than once. Now I’m sitting in the quiet. I’m seeing the avoidance play out: the nights out, the thriving energy, maybe even someone new. It’s hard — hard to witness such a visible shift in someone I was once so close to. But I’ve also seen the cracks. The internal conflict starting to show again. I know how this pattern works. I’ve lived it, too. The relief never lasts forever. Eventually, when it fades, the absence lingers longer. And when it does, OCD doesn’t stay silent for long — it latches onto the very things you tried to run from and reshapes itself. I know that if I reach out too soon — or say the wrong thing at the wrong time — I might push them even deeper into avoidance. Deeper into the version of themselves for now. So I’m careful. That’s why even this post is written with thought. Because I care. I really care. And in the meantime, I’m working on myself — even if part of me still wants to fight for something that felt real. But I also know I can’t fight alone. I’m not shutting the door — just stepping into another room for now. A room where I can grow and heal. But the door is still open. I’d appreciate any guidance or advice on how to approach this in the kindest, most thoughtful way — with as little hurt for either of us as possible. Thank you all so much and I wish all of you are keeping well. Lots of love ❤️
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