I just went through my first breakup. My ex and I dated for almost 5 years and the breakup was mutual but it still hurts so much. I had ROCD throughout our entire relationship that I’m sure took a toll on us both but what led us to the end was completely separate—he hurt me in a way I couldn’t get past after it happening multiple times before. Even though the breakup was mutual and I know we need this to move forward either with or without one another, I am in so much pain. We both are still in love with the other and it’s making this breakup 10x harder because I am freaking out over whether or not I overreacted and I am throwing away something amazing just because of my ROCD sabotaging everything for us. It wasn’t the only issue but I guess I’m freaking out thinking it could’ve been the root of many of my frustrations. I just feel nauseous and depressed and exhausted (I can’t sleep). I guess I just need some guidance here. I have no idea how to navigate a breakup, let alone one where OCD is involved.

It hasn’t even been a week since my boyfriend broke up with me because of my OCD and depression cocktail. He said that the breakup wasn’t out of him not loving me anymore, but because he and his family had already dealt with very strong mental health issues in the past and that a) he couldn’t bear seeing me hurting all of the time and b) he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be “my nurse”. Then he said that I shouldn’t blame myself because depression and OCD are never anyone’s fault. I’ve tried to be very understanding: I do believe one has a right to decide what one wants in their partner. He doesn’t want a partner with mental health issues, I can understand that. I can also understand that these five months since my OCD made itself known have been very hard on him. But, I also feel so betrayed. He used to nitpick the word “love” so much and reflect on what it actually meant to love. He said loving someone was choosing to stay with them during the good times and the bad. This is absolutely the worst bad time in my entire life. And he said, and also said it to my mother, that he would stick with me through it all. Now five months later, he’s changed his mind. I don’t get how he can say he still loves me and abandon me when I most need love and support. If it’s not my fault like he says, why leave me? He said he still wants to be in my life—at a safe distance, where he can’t see all the ugly parts of what OCD and depression can do to a person. All of this makes me feel as if I wasn’t worth the effort of dealing with everything. Then that’s not love is it? I also feel very lonely as the only people that know about my OCD were him and my parents. He made himself into one of my biggest pillars of support, and shaped our lives so that he could always be with me. So we’re in the same classes, and although we share friends I’ve always felt that they entertained me because I was his girlfriend. As for my closer friends, I’ve felt that I was drifting apart from them and although I’ve furtively mentioned my problems with OCD to them, they either don’t care to ask or aren’t really sure how to talk to me. I feel so alone. And now my “number one supporter” has left, and it angers me very much. Especially because I’ve been the one to calm him down and give him hugs and explained what topics we saw in the class he missed the day after we broke up. I’m the one that convinced him to eat three cookies for dinner because he didn’t want to eat. And I’m the one that had to tell him that friends don’t wish each other a great night every night, like we used to do. It seemed like he wanted things to stay the same but without the relationship part of kissing and dealing with my panic attacks. It feels it’s kind of unfair because he’s not without issues and I didn’t judge him once and always tried to be there for him, and the single biggest issue I have ever had was too much for him. The vengeful part of me wants him to hurt as much as he hurt me. I hope he understands his decision has consequences and that he can’t be with me in the same way he was— especially now that I know that he leaves at my most critical, vulnerable moments. I’m writing this while mad. But I know later I’ll feel sad and more understanding and want to be friends with him again. And then I’ll get mad again. And so on. I know this is just a really tough situation however you look at it. But I’m still overwhelmed by the thought that if OCD had never struck, we might still be together. I also deserve some love and support 😔 Thank you if you read all the way till here. I’m sorry if it was a long read, but I’m very thankful. Nowadays it feels like NOCD is one of my remaining sources of support. I’m very grateful for everyone on here, I hope all of you have a great day and that it’s a victory against this accursed mental disorder

Hey everyone, First time posting here! Wanted to share my story for some support but also to hopefully make others feel less alone. In short - my ROCD has made such a mess of my personal life. I was in a great relationship until spring of last year, at which point we separated mainly due to my ROCD. I struggled heavily with OCD about 10 years ago (harm based intrusive thoughts, sexual orientation ocd, etc). It took a lot of work but I was able to mostly overcome my struggles and truthfully, hadn’t given ocd much thought since then. I thought I was cured. And then 10 years later I am in a very fulfilling relationship with a girl I really love, but at about the year mark in my relationship things really changed. She wanted to have a conversation about next steps (moving in, marriage, kids, etc) and at that point my brain just went into panic mode and the ocd took over. From that point on, I was constantly scanning for red flags, felt very reserved when it came to any sort of statement or commitment and tended to avoid anything that would indicate I was committed to a long term future. It was not that I didn’t love it was just that my ocd was doing anything to keep me from making a big commitment. It eventually got a point where we had a big conversation about breaking up or staying together and my OCD convinced me that it was safer and that I would do less harm to her if we ended things, which was incredibly devastating to me. At the time I felt like my obsessing over small red flags were normal and that I needed to protect myself. I just had no clue it was ROCD. I spent the next 8 months missing her and kicking myself for my mistakes, and I eventually got the courage to reach out and see if she’d be willing to talk again, which she was. But the problem is, at this point I still didn’t know it was ocd. So when we talked again I was still plagued by ROCD as all the same thoughts and feelings came flooding back. We tried to talk through things but once again I was unable to make any sort of commitment to the future so it went nowhere. Once again, I am feeling very sad and angry at myself for not being able to handle ROCD. I feel like I let it control me twice and has robbed me of a lot of happiness and hurt someone I care very much about. I understand it’s probably not best to just look at ourselves with anger and guilt all the time but it’s hard not to when you feel like you just caused so much harm. Anyone feel like they can relate? Or if anyone is going through something similar I am happy to chat as ROCD can really be tricky. Thanks

Every morning I wake up im always fixating on something and texting chat gpt, whether thats my relationship or my sexuality. I try so hard to resist it but I just can’t handle the uncertainty or the idea of hurting him or leading him on. We aren’t even official because in the past my rocd caused an issue between us where it led to him breaking up with me so now I have a fear of his intentions being ingenuine, especially because friends and family have called him a love bomber, saying he used me for attention, and narcissistic. This takes over me because I feel like I will never be able to be happy with him or trust myself or the relationship because of what other people say. I am very content on my own and single, this is the first relationship where i have experienced debilitating anxiety and doubt about the legitimacy of both of our feelings to the point where I cannot function. I’m trying so hard to not feed into it and not give it energy but I just hate the idea of leading him on or being inauthentic to what I truly want. My current therapist who I only see a couple times a month doesn’t think I have ocd, which makes me spiral and think I should end it with him, especially because I always hear things like “The right relationship will add to your life” and I feel the opposite is happening not directly because of him but because my brain takes over and paralyzes me with indecision about if i should be with him or not. I know that his intentions are genuine, but I hate that everyone is so cynical and assumes they’re not just because my rocd and his emotional baggage created a messy situation. From the moment i met him I convinced myself it was too good to be true and my therapist even said I was self-sabatoging. But i hate not knowing if it is rocd and my insurance doesn’t cover NOCD. He is so patient with me and supportive but I keep hearing things like “the honeymoon stage is supposed to last 3 months” and “it shouldn’t be this hard with the right person” “you’re not good for each other” and my friends tell me i didnt do anything wrong etc bc he did at first say my ocd didnt affect him when in reality that led to him ending it initially. But he has been more upfront with his emotions but then my mom and people will say “more to come” “there’s so much more out there” and its just so isolating not having that support and wondering if im too young to settle and if I’m just an idiot convincing myself I have rocd when really i just don’t want to be with him/it is a toxic relationship. When in reality the only reason it is toxic is because i am so sporadic about whether or not I want him in my life because of my distrust in myself and my decisions. I love him but I know love isn’t always enough and I get existential fixating on what’s “meant to be” and what’s “supposed to happen” its like this debilitating urge to control everything and make everything go perfectly how it is supposed to go. Please help i just want to make the right decision and stop paralyzing myself with doubt