I just went through my first breakup. My ex and I dated for almost 5 years and the breakup was mutual but it still hurts so much. I had ROCD throughout our entire relationship that I’m sure took a toll on us both but what led us to the end was completely separate—he hurt me in a way I couldn’t get past after it happening multiple times before. Even though the breakup was mutual and I know we need this to move forward either with or without one another, I am in so much pain. We both are still in love with the other and it’s making this breakup 10x harder because I am freaking out over whether or not I overreacted and I am throwing away something amazing just because of my ROCD sabotaging everything for us. It wasn’t the only issue but I guess I’m freaking out thinking it could’ve been the root of many of my frustrations. I just feel nauseous and depressed and exhausted (I can’t sleep). I guess I just need some guidance here. I have no idea how to navigate a breakup, let alone one where OCD is involved.

Relationship OCD

jello86

Date posted: 3y

That’s so hard :( It sounds like a lot of the pain you’re going through right now has nothing to do with OCD, because a breakup like that is super intense for everybody. Questioning back and forth like crazy is probably your OCD. So it sounds like you need to try to let go of those doubts in the ERP way of resisting trying to “figure it out,” and instead just accept the pain you’re feeling and let yourself feel that pain instead of trying to solve it.

jello86

Date posted: 3y

As in, the fact you’re in pain right now doesn’t necessarily mean you made the wrong choice. The pain makes sense. You can’t solve away the pain or use thinking to make it go away.

kittea

Date posted: 3y

Thank you so much. It’s been a few days and we even got to chat through it a few days later and we know we’re making the right decision, as tough as it is. Now I’m dealing with my OCD just making me overthink every little thing around me in many ways a little bit more bc that’s how I am and I’m in a bit of an emotional place 😂

jello86

Date posted: 3y

@kittea I know it’s still super hard but it sounds like you’re doing a good job :) I know what you mean, sometimes it’s just trying to do your own thing while OCD is like an annoying person next to you heckling you who you have to ignore

kittea

Date posted: 3y

Additional context: we both really want to remain friends. We are seeing how these next few days go in terms of the breakup but we just aren’t in the same place right now and I’m just…scared I guess? We are in the same friend group too and we don’t want the other to have to suffer or leave at our expense. It’s only been one day and I know time will heal but my GOD I have no tools to deal with this haha

blahocd

Date posted: 3y

im going through something similar. break up of almost 4 years. do you have any social media? maybe we can talk there for support.

kittea

Date posted: 3y

I’m so so sorry to hear that. :( Are you doing okay? We can definitely chat here if you want

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