- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I totally feel this. It’s scary. Something I’m noticing recently is that a big problem is how much my shame about the anxiety perpetuates it. If I feel anxious and I start thinking I’m crazy, that I’m a bad partner, that I have to stop or soon I’m going to freak out, that I have to hide it or he’s going to be hurt or know I’m crazy—those thoughts all make the anxiety way worse. I still really hope it goes away but I’ve started to realize that I might have to accept its presence in order to not make it any worse than it already is. Have you figured out a way to communicate with him about it yet? I know that’s super hard and I’ve only learned how to talk about some of it but not all of it
- Date posted
- 3y
He’s always very supportive but I’m trying to find a way to talk about it without asking for reassurance and without making myself feel worse about it.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Cassandragoth For me I find that just telling him about it makes me feel less ashamed. Like before I tell him I’m beating myself up and feeling like I need to hide it. Once I tell him and we talk about what happened, I get to see that we didn’t fight or break up because Of it and I stop feeling so bad about myself. I try to not mention it until I have calmed down enough to be able to say “I know you don’t think I’m dumb / hate me / etc, so I know that the thing I felt came from my anxiety” instead of asking him for reassurance. Because I’m not really looking for reassurance about the fear, but more looking to know it’s okay I got anxious and I don’t need to feel ashamed. That’s just what works for me though.
- Date posted
- 3y
@jello86 I really love that thank you
- Date posted
- 3y
@Cassandragoth Totally :) comment on this thread again or follow me or something like that if you ever want to talk about it more because it sounds like we have similar thibgs
- Date posted
- 3y
@jello86 Hi I’m back. Today I feel like I’m such a different person than him. Like our lives don’t fit together. I feel like who I decide to be means that I can’t be with him because we are too different. I also feel like I don’t want to be the person that I’m becoming but I can’t help it? Idk if this makes sense. But I’m getting really anxious about growing apart? When literally just the other day I was excited about growing with him in my life. Idk this all sucks and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.
- Date posted
- 15w
Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.
- Date posted
- 12w
I really need help. My brain is torturing me right now. Basically me and my boyfriend went through a really rough patch and he wasn’t communicating what was wrong and I started to just lose feelings and not feel how I used to which was the most upsetting thing because I swear we are soulmates. Anyway so we broke up for like a day before he realized he’s really sad without me and he is finally willing to work on communication and our issues and this is the most I’ve really ever felt he notices it this time. I am supposed to go see him and he is so excited and I’m freaking out. I want to see him but I keep thinking how it’s triggering for me cause I don’t want to go back to that rough patch cause it lasted a long time. I want to try again but I also feel like it’s easier to just run away from everything. It feels like I got to know his personality but that isn’t fair to say because now he’s aware and wants to change. I’m scared because I know feelings can come back and I hope mine can cause right now I just keep replaying the past and the bad stuff. He seems really willing to work on it this time which should make me so happy but I’m also so scared things will go back to how they were and I’m worried if I’m this anxious my body is telling me he isn’t right for me and that it’s not ocd which would really upset me because I’ve had such hope. I know my feelings started to go away but that’s cause of how we were to each other and now we are aware of the problem. Does it mean I shouldn’t be with him if the thought of trying again makes me so anxious or is that just the fear? I wish this wanting to work through things happened before I felt like this and now I’m scared I won’t get it back. I’m also scared that there is someone out there better for me and by being with him I’m blocking that. But the thought of being without him makes me so sad. I want to try to see him differently and maybe see it’s different but I’m scared it’s not. I’m afraid of a million things. What if it’s too late and I can’t get my feelings back? What if I’m forever anxious around him? What if being with him prevents me from meeting other people? I haven’t seen him in a while cause he was away and people say I won’t know how I feel till I see him. It feels like once I get there I already know though that I’ll have the same thoughts and won’t be able to get back to how I felt because it became uncomfortable but I’ve heard I’m anticipating it. I’m scared it’s gut and not ocd
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond