I feel like I’m always going to feel this way. Either I can’t feel connected to him because I’m anxious, or I’m anxious because I can’t feel connected to him. I constantly worry about how he’s thinking about me, how to respond to him, etc. But when I’m calm and relaxed, everything is really good and I’m trying to trust that. But I don’t get to live in a calm and relaxed state and it’s making me feel like maybe he’s bringing me the anxiety because we aren’t compatible. But then I think about breaking up with him and I panic because I really don’t want that. I love him so much and want him in my life always. Just wish my mind could calm down. I feel like no matter what I do, I can’t feel good about this or any relationship.

I totally feel this. It’s scary. Something I’m noticing recently is that a big problem is how much my shame about the anxiety perpetuates it. If I feel anxious and I start thinking I’m crazy, that I’m a bad partner, that I have to stop or soon I’m going to freak out, that I have to hide it or he’s going to be hurt or know I’m crazy—those thoughts all make the anxiety way worse. I still really hope it goes away but I’ve started to realize that I might have to accept its presence in order to not make it any worse than it already is. Have you figured out a way to communicate with him about it yet? I know that’s super hard and I’ve only learned how to talk about some of it but not all of it

He’s always very supportive but I’m trying to find a way to talk about it without asking for reassurance and without making myself feel worse about it.

@Cassandragoth For me I find that just telling him about it makes me feel less ashamed. Like before I tell him I’m beating myself up and feeling like I need to hide it. Once I tell him and we talk about what happened, I get to see that we didn’t fight or break up because Of it and I stop feeling so bad about myself. I try to not mention it until I have calmed down enough to be able to say “I know you don’t think I’m dumb / hate me / etc, so I know that the thing I felt came from my anxiety” instead of asking him for reassurance. Because I’m not really looking for reassurance about the fear, but more looking to know it’s okay I got anxious and I don’t need to feel ashamed. That’s just what works for me though.

@jello86 I really love that thank you

@Cassandragoth Totally :) comment on this thread again or follow me or something like that if you ever want to talk about it more because it sounds like we have similar thibgs