- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I think the way they would apply ERP to this is to get you to change the way you respond to those thoughts. It’s very likely that there’s something compulsive you’re doing in response to the intrusive thoughts when it first pops up— for example, my boyfriend has told me he used to lie and cheat in previous relationships until he went to therapy a few years ago. Sometimes something reminds me of that, and it makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like I have to really THINk about it to make sure or CHECK that it doesn’t affect my image of him or that he’s not going to cheat on me or something. So the compulsive behavior is that I try to imagine what he was thinking, what he said to her, I try to vividly imagine them having a whole conversation, imagine exactly what he did, how he felt about cheating, whether or not he’s ever had those thoughts about me, etc. But the more I do that the more the intrusive thoughts disturb me. So I am trying to resist thinking about it more whenever the thought comes up. Like I have to say “oh, I don’t like that idea, but thinking about it more will not help me” and try to get back to what I’m doing in real life. It’s super hard though. Sometimes using a mantra like “what matters is I trust him right now the past doesn’t matter” helps, but that’s kind of a reassurance.
- Date posted
- 3y
Remember that the problem isn’t that you can’t bear the knowledge that she was with other men—you have the ability to cope with fleeting discomfort about it just like anyone else. The problem is that you are having trouble with how often this is on your mind, and the longer it’s on your mind, the more bothersome it becomes, and the sensation of no escape is very distressing. So your focus needs to be on figuring out how to decrease the time spent thinking about it, rather than necessarily reducing the pain that occurrs when it IS on your mind.
- Date posted
- 3y
@jello86 Thanks for your comment. The frequency and duration of this topic being on my mind has been a big part of my struggle, but it’s also the vividness of the mental movies. They eclipse reality. “It’s just a thought” becomes a meaningless phrase. It’s scary *because* it’s a thought. It can hit you at any time and doesn’t have to follow the rules of logic. And for me, they feel so real. This is not just the case with bad thoughts. My mental imagery in general is so vivid. It has been an asset in some cases, but it’s often a burden. The other problem is just that the thoughts come with a history of hurt for me. I’ve hurt so much at the thoughts that they also bring to mind the hurt I’ve already felt and the possibility of having episodes like that again. I guess the phrase “anxiety about anxiety” could be evoked here.
- Date posted
- 3y
I have the same thing it's torturing. What I'm trying to do is focus on our sexual relationship, how he shows to me the he wants me, what he says to me, our games etc etc. If you focus on what's happening right now, it could be helpful. Because what you are having right now with this girl could be something her ex or anyone could be jealous of, but YOU have it so enjoy it. Also, you also had a past. If you come to think of your own past, you'll understand that it doesn't affect in any way how you feel about her. So this applies to her. No matter what she has done, you have done it too and it doesn't exist it's past. I don't know if I help, I have too many insecurities and overthink all those things you ve mentioned but maybe I'm also talking to myself right now. When you think of this stuff, just slow down. It's like putting your mind out to see how it's gonna react , you know that the reaction will be the same. don't feed it too much. Recognize the thought but let it go ! And slow down!!!
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m kind of in a different position in that I don’t have a past as such and my girlfriend and I abstain for religious reasons. I will avoid talking too much about that, because I will get more into ruminating, though. I vented to my girlfriend today (not about retroactive jealousy specifically, just about OCD and depression) and I feel a bit better. This theme has been so tough though. I know it will flare up again which is what scares me.
- Date posted
- 3y
@CaptainKierkegaard Talk to a therapist about that. They can help you ease your thoughts. You are not alone!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
- Date posted
- 19w
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
- Date posted
- 19w
Whenever I have a non flirtatious, friendly interaction with a male my brain accuses me of cheating. I go into a full panic attack until I tell my husband then it goes away Same thing with intrusive thoughts. I'll have a random sexual thought about someone and my brain tells me that since I thought that it must be what I wanted and accuses me of cheating. Sometimes these thoughts come with actually physical feelings of what intruded. Thoughts of "what would it be like .." but I stop myself and then freak the flip out. With erp am I just supposed to let the sexual thoughts or accusations play out in my head?! It's excruciatingly painful. Also if I sit there and give into a sexual thoughts paired with the "mood" feelings how is that not mentally cheating 😵💫
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