Hi, I was in NOCD about august 2020 after having a complete episode. I had judt starting babysitting and I honestly had nothing going on bc of the pandemic so it was the only thing I had to do. I started tele therapy about teauma drom my father and my big fear of turning into a narcissist like him (should have been a clue Lol) I get groinL responses for alot of things and one of the kids triggered it bytouching me And one night after playing with my bf virtually on minecraft, it was 2 am I couldnt stop thinking about ir, thus the intrusice thoughts came in. Started vommitting, stomach flopped crying and panicking in my room. I went straight for the internet ans BOOM, POCD popped. Next day my mom had gone to work and I called her to come home bc I was having a meltdown. I started tellingnher everything, told my bf about it, had a meltdown again, called my therapist. She wasnt familiar wirh ocd and tried reassuring me. I started telling everyone, i started being TMI of things that sexually interested me in order to see if thar what led me into being a pedophile. I told my friend that I didn't want to be near them bc of this and told her ALL THE IMAGES i was picturing. I got on meds, but I wasnt feeling better (it was only 2 weeks) and freaked out again around my nieces cause I couldnt help but notice when they ran around in their underwear. That's when I found NOCD. Whoever was the service specialist that answered was not judgemental at ALL. They sent me links to different profiles of theraoist availble. I honestly wasnt sure how ERP was supposed to work. I kept asking for reassurance on reddit and here. My NOCD therapist was extremely compassionate. The kind of lady that seemed like she'd make you baked goods and give you a warm blanket. But as SOON as it was time to do ERP, oh she was straight up make me do insane excercises. Making me write scenarios of what I was doing to kids, read them out loud read them in my head IN FRONT of the kids. IN DETAIL. But all those excercises work. And what happened? BOOM relationship OCD. Started spiraling a bit, she caught me in the act of reassurance. Had to do it AGAIN. It took a YEAR but i got it through my head the tools I need to handle OCD and especially so with an episode. I keep the journal of all rhe pocd thoughts and scenarios visible in my room just to continuously trigger the anxiety slightly to keep me on my toes. Recently I had a zoophilic episode. But it only seriously lasted a week because I went STRAIGHT into ERP mode Im still uncomfy when the thought pop up but it didnt stop me from petting my cats. ERP is the biggest way to work with your OCD. But you have to first accept that you arent trying "get rid of OCD" but trying to have a relationship with it. I cant speak for non pure ocd, but ERP makes pulling your teeth out with a pair of pliers sound like a day at disneyland. But it works. You can have the tools. You can get through it.

I had just posted a summary of ERP for a group member, and I thought it might be useful for everybody. Here it is below (with a little extra added)…. ERP therapy is researched-based. Most other therapies don’t work. There have been people who have been literally stuck in their houses (from their OCD) who gained their lives back through ERP therapy. NOCD does ERP therapy exclusively. You can find it in other places too, but you have to ask around. There are two tenants of ERP therapy: The first one has to do with the repetitive thoughts inside our heads. These thoughts are actually defined as “obsessions”. You are not supposed to do anything with the obsessions. You are supposed to let them run through your head freely, without trying to fix them or stop them. Imagine a tree planted by a river. The leaves fall off and float down the river. You can see the leaves falling, but you don’t try to stop them or pick them up. You don’t try to fix them. You just let them float away. This is really important to do with your obsessive thoughts. The more you try to fight them off, the worse they get. I used to have blasphemous sentences running in my head 24/7. I felt like I had to put a “not” next to each sentence in order to “fix” it. But this just took hours of my time every day, and it was very scary, because I was worried that if I messed up, that I would go to hell. It was very freeing to learn later that I could just let those sentences run freely through my head without trying to fix them. The second part of ERP therapy is all about “denying your compulsions.” Every time OCD tells you that if you don’t do things a certain way that something really bad will happen, that is a compulsion. Once you recognize what your compulsions are, ERP therapy will have you practice stopping doing all of those things. For some people, that will mean stopping washing their hands or touching lights switches or, in my case, putting “fixing” words in their head. Compulsions are safety behaviors. During ERP therapy, you will practice stopping engaging with safety behaviors. All this is very hard to do and scary, so during therapy you will be given tools to help you deal with the fear. Often ERP therapy will take people from being non-functional to functional. I highly recommend it. ————————————————- PITFALL #1: After you have been doing ERP for a while and become somewhat successful, the OCD will try subtle little tricks to bring you down again. The first one is to tell you that your thoughts are REAL and not OCD, and therefore you can’t apply ERP therapy. Don’t fall for this trick! All thoughts are just thoughts. They are all meaningless. Don’t try to figure out what is real and what is OCD. Just treat all thoughts with ERP therapy. PITFALL #2: The second pitfall is that OCD will tell you that you can’t move forward unless you have absolute certainty that you will be safe. Hate to tell you this, folks, but there is no certainty in life. You will never know for SURE that you or your loved ones will be “safe” from the OCD rules. Therefore, you have to move forward in the uncertainty. It’s hard, but it gets easier with time and practice. We got this, guys !!!!!!

Hi NOCD community, I wanted to share my story of my journey so far with OCD to provide perspective to anyone who needs it. I can't believe how far I have come with a huge part because of my NOCD treatment and utilizing ERP. For reference I am a 24-year old male, so for anyone who is like me and on the fence with treatment, trust me it is worth it. If you ever want to talk about OCD and are not sure where to start or need guidance please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am now almost 2-years into treatment and working on recovery to this day. Sending my support to all. My OCD Story Adolescence Growing up, I didn’t know what mental health was—or even much about who I was. I was somewhat consciously aware, but something always felt off. My life seemed surrounded by reacting to fear instead of exploring or discovering like a regular kid. It felt like there was a switch in my brain that never let me settle in. My earliest compulsions were more physical than mental. One example that likely went unnoticed was how I would obsessively organize and align my toys in a certain way. It may have seemed like I was just being finicky, but now I recognize this as an early sign of OCD. The key is understanding that anything can become a compulsion—it’s not about what you do, but why you do it. In my case, it was always to avoid a bad outcome or neutralize a feeling. Another moment that stands out was in preschool during a performance. I was reciting something I can’t remember in front of an audience—a common childhood fear—but the way I coped was by repeatedly hitting myself in the head with my fist. I wasn’t aware I was doing it, but it calmed me, even though inflicting pain had no logical connection to the fear itself. Looking back, this was clearly a physical tic. My dreams were disturbing too. I’d experience that terrifying space between sleep and consciousness. My parents once had to put my limbs in ice just to fully wake me. And even the process of going to sleep became ritualistic. I had to jump into bed using my left foot, pray a specific way (including naming everyone I didn’t want to be affected by harm), rotate clockwise, shake my pillow four times, and do various actions around my room—cleaning, checking the door, and more. All to prevent the visions in my mind from becoming real. Teenage Years Though my childhood was tough, things really escalated in high school. My family life was chaotic—divorce, shifting homes, and being the older sibling trying to hold it together. I was smart and creative, and I found joy in creative writing, fantasy books, cartoons, video production, and drawing. But the storm really hit freshman year of high school. I was bullied relentlessly—for being shorter, having low self-esteem, and dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness. One night while trying to fall asleep, I noticed my heart beating fast. I panicked, convinced something was wrong. My dad said it was heartburn and gave me soda (caffeine), which only made things worse. I slept maybe an hour, and we went to the ER the next morning. After a full workup and an EKG, the doctor concluded I was physically fine and gave me anti-anxiety medication. But that wasn’t the end. I had more episodes. I became obsessed with the idea that something was wrong with my body. I had blood drawn thinking I had a thyroid issue. I panicked at doctor’s visits, which spiked my blood pressure, fueling more health fears. I was also in an advanced biology class, learning about diseases and cancers—which triggered me to the point I felt like I was going to pass out. Motion sickness and vertigo became a daily fear, and I became terrified it would never go away. That became a core theme in my health-related OCD and deeply affected my quality of life. It was also during this time I developed HOCD (Homosexual OCD). Intrusive thoughts about my male friends consumed me. I couldn’t relax around them or enjoy hanging out. I compulsively told myself I was straight, watched porn to “test” my reaction, and mentally analyzed everything I thought or felt. It was exhausting. It chipped away at my confidence, especially with women, though I know other external factors played a role in that too. Still, I had no education around mental health and assumed this chaos in my mind was normal—or that anyone seeking help had to be “crazy.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. Adulthood Despite all that, I managed to graduate high school with good marks—even finishing at a new school I attended for just eight weeks after moving in with my mom. College was a major turning point. For the first time, I experienced independence and the ability to sit with my thoughts. I still didn’t know what I was dealing with, but being away from a broken home and forging my own identity was incredibly freeing. Freshman year felt like a fresh start…until the pandemic hit. Like many others, I was forced to return home. For someone with OCD, the sudden lack of control and isolation was devastating. I was trapped in my room, stuck in my head, with nothing but virtual classes and uncertainty. Still, I eventually got back to campus, focused on my career in the sports and entertainment industry, and was accepted into a prestigious program while working multiple internships and completing challenging coursework. But with roommates and stress came new obsessions—and still, no diagnosis. I eventually sought therapy for anxiety, realizing my mental state was unsustainable. That’s when two of my most distressing OCD subtypes emerged: Staring OCD and POCD. They worked together in the worst way—fears of inappropriately staring at people, especially children. It felt like I couldn’t exist in public without fearing I’d harm someone just by looking at them. It shattered my self-worth. I couldn’t enjoy life, couldn’t even look in the mirror. The guilt and shame consumed me. I turned to talk therapy, where I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. While sessions brought momentary relief, it quickly became clear I wasn’t getting better. In fact, the act of confessing my thoughts—seeking reassurance—was fueling the OCD. Still, I didn’t have the language for it. After doing my own research (a compulsion in itself), I discovered POCD and Staring OCD. For the first time, I read stories that sounded exactly like mine. I brought this to my therapist, but they dismissed it. Unfortunately, OCD is still widely misunderstood—even among professionals. Because I didn’t fit the “cleaning and checking” stereotype, I wasn’t taken seriously. In 2023—just two years ago—I found NOCD, a teletherapy platform specializing in OCD. I scheduled a free consultation, thinking “Why not?” I was miserable and desperate for relief. The therapist who evaluated me confirmed: I had OCD. She administered the DSM-5 criteria and said I was a textbook case. This was the turning point. Through NOCD, I finally received proper treatment with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). I learned how OCD functions, how to track and reduce compulsions, and how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. It took time—5 to 6 months before I noticed true change—but for the first time in my life, I felt heard. I wasn't alone. NOCD gave me a judgment-free space to unpack the most disturbing thoughts and to not be defined by them. I won’t sugarcoat it—this journey has been painful, frustrating, and nonlinear. I still live with OCD every day. But now I have tools. I’ve continued treatment with multiple NOCD therapists, joined support groups, and practiced exposures: scripting, imaginal scenarios, response prevention, you name it. I’ve learned to live with uncertainty instead of trying to solve the unsolvable. The biggest lesson? Stop trying to figure it out. OCD is emotional, not logical. The moment I stopped trying to outthink it and changed my relationship with it, everything shifted. Today, I’m not “cured,” but I’m grounded. I’m more myself than I’ve ever been. And now, I want to give back. I want to share my story so others know that they’re not alone—and that OCD doesn’t have to rule your life. Whether you're 14, 24, or 44—there is help, and there is hope.

3 years ago I got a job that was fully remote. Pay was great, but it took a few months for my life to change. Without getting into too many details I thought I was a full blown schizophrenic that cried in the fetal position every night. As a 27 year old young man who thought I was tough as nails, this crippled me. Learned more about OCD and did some therapy sessions on here. Sessions were great and I highly recommend. However, the exposure and response treatment they recommend is really all you need. It all boils down to facing your fears. No amount of supplements (I spent thousands on them) will get the job done. I said fuck this and just started doing everything I dreaded. Even sat in my own head and let the intrusive thoughts play out on purpose. Harm ocd and psychosis ocd was my main issue. Still is, but whenever I get any intrusive thoughts, I purposely think of something worse and say “top that” (it sucks I know, but it has helped me). I got a new job to where I’m fully back onsite and around people daily. I make it a non negotiable to move everyday even if it’s skipping lunch to take a walk. ALSO… and this is huge. I stopped drinking and smoking and put a huge focus on exercise and nutrition. (Still casual drinks with friends every other weekend, but only light beer. No shots no hard liquor. The socializing is good for me) Dr. Paul saldino and Dr. Chris Palmer are my go to for getting on track. Focus on protein and healthy fats and limit the carbs / processed oils. It’s simple everyone. Face your fears, move around as much as possible, and fuel up and real food. (Cars need gas, not soda). OCD is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It’s way worse than anyone unaware can imagine. BUT….. recovering is the best feeling possible.