Those of you that don’t have kids I envy you. But I hope that this illness doesn’t keep you from having ones of your own. Even now as I start to go into another ocd flare, I love my son so much and he brings me so much joy. I guess that’s why ocd latches onto this particular theme. I just hope things eventually get better.

Yeah it’s just terrible. I just want the best for him. This theme wasn’t bothering me as much lately. But today I was getting him undressed to take a bath, and just holding him I got triggered. I feel like I felt urges, and it’s just really messing with me.

@Ocdislame That’s how I feel. 😞 I question every move I make. Not to reassure, but it’s important to remember the urges are based out of fear and not desire. The realness of it all, the sensations and feelings and urges that this disorder brings, are all a normal, classic part of it. It wouldn’t be what it is if it didn’t feel real. I can’t have my daughter sit on my lap because I get triggered 😞 there was an event that happened like 2 weeks ago that I’m still ruminating about that’s driving me crazy. She was sitting on my lap and I moved her away really quickly and aggressively and I feel like when doing so my leg made unecesssry contact with her. It all happened so fast and I was in a state of fight or flight just trying to get her off of me. But immediately after my mind created this false memory that I purposely moved her off of me like that, not to get her off of me, but so that I could make that contact with my leg. Typing this out sounds ridiculous. But I’ve literally been ruminating on it for weeks. Why did I move that way? Was it necessary? Did I hurt her? I hate this. Even diaper changes. Why did I hold the wipe like that? Why did I pull the diaper that way. Did I wipe with too much pressure or force? Did I wipe too many times? It’s exhausting

Yeah this really is the worst. I hate it when I feel an episode come on too 😞😞😞 once I get over the initial flare, it’s just a lingering for a while after that though.

@Ocdislame I feel like once something happens it’s just a domino effect and more and more things/triggers present itself

@Freemeofocd Yeah it’s weird because I go through periods where it’s just not that bad. I mean there are even times where it’s none existent, and I can enjoy being a father. But I just don’t want to have another bad episode, it just impacts every aspect of my life. I get so scared and feel like I should just leave my home or not live there