- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Pocd momma here ❤️ if you wanna chat I’m here
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah it’s just terrible. I just want the best for him. This theme wasn’t bothering me as much lately. But today I was getting him undressed to take a bath, and just holding him I got triggered. I feel like I felt urges, and it’s just really messing with me.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame That’s how I feel. 😞 I question every move I make. Not to reassure, but it’s important to remember the urges are based out of fear and not desire. The realness of it all, the sensations and feelings and urges that this disorder brings, are all a normal, classic part of it. It wouldn’t be what it is if it didn’t feel real. I can’t have my daughter sit on my lap because I get triggered 😞 there was an event that happened like 2 weeks ago that I’m still ruminating about that’s driving me crazy. She was sitting on my lap and I moved her away really quickly and aggressively and I feel like when doing so my leg made unecesssry contact with her. It all happened so fast and I was in a state of fight or flight just trying to get her off of me. But immediately after my mind created this false memory that I purposely moved her off of me like that, not to get her off of me, but so that I could make that contact with my leg. Typing this out sounds ridiculous. But I’ve literally been ruminating on it for weeks. Why did I move that way? Was it necessary? Did I hurt her? I hate this. Even diaper changes. Why did I hold the wipe like that? Why did I pull the diaper that way. Did I wipe with too much pressure or force? Did I wipe too many times? It’s exhausting
- Date posted
- 3y
I was just playing with her the other day we were laying on my er and there were blankets and pillows on the bed. She ran to me and fell on top of me and I went to hug her and pull her up to me but I became hyper aware of the fact their might be a pillow or blanket between her legs and me pulling her could create some amount of pressure on her private area if there is in fact a pillow or blanket near her. It’s crazy shit like that I’m so hyper aware of. Makes me not wanna do anything at all just sit there frozen
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah this really is the worst. I hate it when I feel an episode come on too 😞😞😞 once I get over the initial flare, it’s just a lingering for a while after that though.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Ocdislame I feel like once something happens it’s just a domino effect and more and more things/triggers present itself
- Date posted
- 3y
@Freemeofocd Yeah it’s weird because I go through periods where it’s just not that bad. I mean there are even times where it’s none existent, and I can enjoy being a father. But I just don’t want to have another bad episode, it just impacts every aspect of my life. I get so scared and feel like I should just leave my home or not live there
- Date posted
- 3y
*bed
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Suicidal OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Harm OCD
- Existential OCD
- False Memory OCD
- OCD newbies
- Date posted
- 20w
Please if someone can reply! I really just need someone to talk to. I don’t even know how to control my OCD. It honestly feels like it’s controlling me. Everyday my mind focuses on every bodily sensation I have and it’s like a broken record player, I have horrible health anxiety and my OCD just makes it worst just thinking about it everyday. It feels like everyone who I explain it to looks at me like I’m stupid/crazy. I use to be much more tame with my OCD, I use to eat things without worry, now I can’t even touch things I use to eat without worrying that I’ll get an allergic reaction (despite eating them BEFORE,,,but my mind tells me otherwise) and omg worrying about heart attacks, pulmonary issues..and I couldn’t even enjoy my own child’s birth because my mind was on high alert thinking I would hemorrhage any second or develop pre-E (complications of postpartum) I was miserable for the first couple of months of my baby’s life and I didn’t know what to do. And now, I’m pregnant with my second (4wks) and all the OCD thoughts and anxiety is coming back at me and I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely. And even if I considered taking a pill, I’d worry about being allergic to it and refusing to take it. I ruin everything for everyone. I remember I ate out one night and I started to think “you’re gonna pass out! You’re gonna pass out! (Without ever passing out before) and I had to leave! I feel like I ruin the mood for everyone when I don’t even try to, and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 15w
Hi everyone! I’m feeling better today. I had a really bad flare yesterday, my husband really helped me calm down and fall asleep. However, if you have health OCD I feel like you probably shouldn’t read this post unless you are in a good head space. I do not have health OCD. So, I’ve been dealing with a lot of symptoms and health issues that have led me to alot of doctors visits, I have several different doctors that specialize in specific things and now go to an internal medicine doctor. My doctor thinks I have an autoimmune disease, so I’m running alot of tests for several different autoimmune conditions. My OCD has been dormant for a while. I would still deal with it sometimes, but it was way easier to manage. I’m not medicated for OCD. However, I do use arthritis cream and was prescribed muscle relaxers, I have not yet taken the muscle relaxers. So I had a really bad OCD flare last night, specifically Relationship OCD. My husband has just seen parole and I’m super excited for him to come home, but my OCD was trying to convince me otherwise. I also have a new nephew that was born on the 22nd. So I am out of state and was watching my niece for my sister in law. A lot of exciting things happening at once. I’m assuming that triggered my OCD. But I’ve been swelling in my face and dealing with a little bit of body pain as well. Autoimmune diseases come in flares like OCD. I have done some research on autoimmune diseases so I can know what I need to do in order to keep it under control if that’s what I do get diagnosed with. I learned that some autoimmune diseases are linked to OCD, or can even cause OCD because of inflammation in the brain. & It gave me a glimmer of hope honestly. Could my OCD have started because of an autoimmune disease? Could I get better by treating it? My OCD didn’t kick start until I was about 19. I am now 23. I did have symptoms of OCD at 17 though, I went through a period of time where I was compulsively praying and in a cycle of intense anxiety. So I probably had it since I was 17, but I don’t know. My symptoms of autoimmune disease didn’t start until about a year ago, but it could’ve been longer. I couldn’t get rid of a UTI I had for MONTHS & didn’t know why. I had to see a urologist, I was 21 when I kept getting UTI’s. I had to get a procedure done, I had pus build up in my urethra that was almost completely blocking off my urethra. I do not know how the infection got that severe.. especially because I took antibiotic after antibiotic. I felt like I’d get better for a few days, then boom…UTI symptoms once again. So.. that could’ve been the start of autoimmune symptoms. With an autoimmune disease, your immune system is pretty trash. You don’t fight off infections or illness as easy as others. I remember how I’d get sick after everyone else in the house would get sick, but I’d get it so much worse and have the illness for much longer than everyone else. Surprisingly enough, I never got COVID. My whole family had it & I didn’t get it. Unless I did and just didn’t have symptoms. Anyways, I never thought I would say this.. but I hope I do have an autoimmune disease that caused OCD so that I can treat the autoimmune disease and keep my OCD dormant for as long as possible. I forgot what it was like to deal with OCD.. it was so bad lastnight, I remember feeling that type of anxiety and it’s the worst.. 💔 If you took the time to read, thank you! I seem like a charity case lol.. I never thought by 23 years old I’d be like this.
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