TW real events and POCD 18+ please: Getting hit left and right with memories of past mistakes, past intrusive thoughts I’ve had and past memories of things I’ve been triggered with and so on. Like this time it’s about how I was watching a video one day it was two guys talking kind of like a podcast I guess but you could see them and they said the “p” word and I remember I got really triggered and all of a sudden had what I guess was groinal response but really strong but I was panicking and I all of a sudden had an urge to masturbate and I told myself “I’m going to wait 10 minutes to let this all pass before I do that” and so I waited for the anxiety or whatever it was so calm down so I wouldn’t feel bad or weird about it even though it wasn’t my fault I got triggered. I don’t know what’s going on with me but I’m spiraling all over again. OCD has been attaching and not letting go of so many things in my past and it’s starting to worry me again. Just times I’ve had intrusive thoughts and got triggered or filled with anxiety, or when the feelings or thoughts felt so real as if I “liked” them when I know deep down I never did, most definitely don’t now and never will in the future. I wish I could be free from this horrible, torture of a disorder 😭

Yeah very true

I just don’t understand why it’s doing everything in its power to remind me of things that I have no control over, like my past. It upsets me so much. I just want to be ok again and I feel like I don’t deserve it

@Just Breathe ❤️ OCD latches on to the things we value most. I suffer a lot from my past as well, I mean like a lot, it’s painful, and while I am able to forgive myself for almost most of it, it’s the “what ifs” that keep me from moving on. OCD will do everything it can to keep being in control, and it will convince you that you’re this wretched person and that you’re the exception, but it’s all just OCD, we really are all human. We all make mistakes, do bad things, do weird things, mess up, and regret, but we live and learn. I’ve been doing exposure by talking to young cousins or nieces and nephews, and just taking care of them has shown me that OCD really is just an irrational disorder, you’re not what you’re brain is convincing you if

@OCDHaver Thank you I appreciate it. I’ve been going crazy lately. Not sure if you remember me or what we have talked about but that’s what’s been bothering me and other stuff as well and it’s been torture. I can’t seem to get better at all but I’m trying

@Just Breathe ❤️ I still remember, and trust me, I have some guilt over watching weird videos in the past when I was in high school, but I get you. I’m tortured everyday as well, but know that you do deserve to be happy and to recover, I know it seems incredibly real and you feel like you deserve punishment, but you don’t, just remember it’s your ocd

@OCDHaver Thank you I appreciate it. Maybe one day I will be ok again