- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I am in the same situation as you are! We can talk about it if you want to :)
- Date posted
- 3y
Sure but on here
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ What is bothering you, are you doing therapy?
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- 3y
@Anonymous I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have told you all that. I apologize
- Date posted
- 3y
So when I was a teenager I struggled with having a weird and embarrassing fetish about tickling which don’t ask. I’m not sure how it formed or where it came from but when I would look up the fetish I came across certain people like in memes or videos that are innocent but because I was also struggling with masturbation at the time I feel so horrible about it because I never had bad intentions and that I didn’t realize at the time at all was wrong it never occurred to me at all or never crossed my mind until I developed ocd. I feel so much guilt and shame and my ocd or whatever keeps trying to convince me I’m a monster and that I should be punished and also that I’m a “criminal” or that it was legally wrong. Im terrified because I never had bad intentions ever. I was young and so stupid. You’d think I would have known better and I didn’t. I’ve talked to my first therapist about it, my mom and also my dad before he passed. I’ve talked to my mom about it so much recently and I asked her if I was being too hard on myself and she said yes and that I should forgive myself and I’ve punished myself enough. I just want to go back and change everything. I never would have been through that if I had known better. Also when I got passed 18 I went back to ifunny (the app I used to look up the fetish) and I realized the characters or whatever I would come across were just weird and I was scared of the characters being younger and I stopped but a couple in particular that I came across during ya know, before I was 18 I believe I don’t remember but it’s been haunting me for years along with just having POCD in general has been torture. I hate myself and this has made me want to give up. I feel like I don’t deserve happiness, food, my friends or family or to even live. I would rather give up than ever become a monster. I just wish this would go away: I’m so sorry to just toss that on you like this but I feel like I’m going crazy and I can’t get any relief…I am going through therapy and I’m diagnosed and also taking medication but I’m having a hard time affording it right now and I haven’t talked to my current therapist about it yet but I have a session next Monday so I will hopefully get some help from her. What’s bothering you?
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man! You should give yourself a rest! You did nothing that bad! I feel for you, and i do believe you can overcome this. Sorry for not answering before, i wasnt checking notifications, much love to you ♡
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Thank you so much I truly appreciate it. I was just scared if I said the wrong thing or something. I appreciate your kindness thank you 😊
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous And also sadly even though you said it’s not that bad I don’t believe that. OCD won’t let me believe that. I’m still so frightened at the “what if’s”
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ Are you doing therapy? You said nothing wrong! I believe you can overcome this!
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- 3y
@Anonymous Yes I have a session Monday but I haven’t had one in a few months because I couldn’t afford it
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- 3y
@Anonymous I’ve talked to my first therapist about it but not my current one yet
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I am sure therapy will help! You deserve to feel better and you will!
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Thank you I appreciate it
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous I’m so sorry to bother you but I know you said it wasn’t that bad but why do I keep having thoughts that I’m a “criminal or monster” and that what I did was legally wrong? I’m so scared that what happened was equivalent to what a monster would of done but I never had bad intentions. I’m really worried. I’ve been worrying about this for years and I can’t rest because it’s constantly in the back of my mind. It’s torture
- Date posted
- 3y
@Just Breathe ❤️ I am sure therapy will help! You did nothing that should keep you from having a good life. We have all done stupid things in the past.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Anonymous Very true
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.
- Date posted
- 14w
I would really appreciate it so much if someone took the time to read this and help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t posted here in awhile. I had my OCD managed pretty decently for a year or so on medication, but I had to stop taking it, and after around 3-4 months, the OCD has become unbearable again. It used to be much more surrounding existential themes, eating, and others, not really real event/false memory stuff. But now it’s gotten really out of hand and I don’t know how to do it anymore. It’s surrounding a time of my life a long time ago. It was a dark time. I wasn’t myself and I was going through a lot of things, and I did a lot of things I regret. I self-destructed, embarrassed myself, and wasn’t good to the people around me. I was able to get my mind off of it for a long time, even though I would still think about it a good amount. I was able to be in the present, at least moreso than now. But now that I’m off medication, the guilt has become my obsession again. I can’t move on. I can’t do anything without thinking about all of these memories. I’m obsessed. I’ve started hating myself again, so much so that it’s hard to do anything anymore or believe I deserve anything good. The people around me tell me it wasn’t even that bad, but to me it was. To me, I failed myself, lost myself, and failed everyone around me. I can’t stop thinking about every person I said something wrong to or every time I screwed up. I’ve now started to convince myself I did terrible things I can’t remember, and that my mind just can’t deal with it. And that’s why I feel so guilty. There’s nothing to really support this though. But I’m starting to really convince myself that’s true. I’m trying not to listen to it, because I’ve convinced myself I have hit people with my car before and haven’t remembered when I absolutely didn’t and I know I never have. I drive back over and over to check there’s no one, even though I never heard any bang or felt myself anything. I can convince myself of some crazy false memories. So I know that I shouldn’t listen. But it’s hard not to when I have this guilt gnawing at me constantly. I come to conclusions that this guilt must be because I did something terrible that I don’t remember, even though I already think the things I remember were bad enough. But I would know by now right? If I did something bad I don’t remember? I don’t feel like this all the time. But it’s a lot of the time. But maybe that should be reassuring, that I only start obsessing like this when I think to. The past haunts me though. And I can never be in the present. I’ve started to resort to some unhealthy behaviors to distract myself or help me work towards something. I am starting to hate myself so much and feel like there’s no way I’ll ever be able to get out of this loop. I feel like I just can’t do this anymore. Maybe I need to go back on medication. But I don’t know. I don’t really want to. But will I ever fix this without it? Why do I feel SO guilty, all of the time? I do all these things for people because I feel indebted to them, because I feel undeserving of everything. I feel awful about myself. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone else deal with this?
- Date posted
- 12w
Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well! I lost my dad yesterday and me having ocd since I was 7, it just skyrocketed. Yesterday it was difficult for sure, but I didn’t have any intrusive thoughts about self harm. It all happened suddenly when I was half asleep (trying to sleep even though it was really hard), were I feel as if a switch turned on in my brain and out of nowhere I started feeling angry. I recognised at that moment that I was not angry but that’s what my brain was telling me. And that’s when I had an intrusive thought of harming my mom came to my mind and immediately after that came the thought of harming myself. And it stuck. I know grief can make these themes pop up, but what if this is all real and not ocd? I’m scared. I acknowledge I don’t have thoughts in my head of planning to harm myself, it’s just a feeling that this is going to happen. Now letting my thoughts out brings me relief, even sometimes this intrusive thoughts bring me relief (that is very scary), but ocd makes me so pessimistic, and that I’m doomed in life and the sad life my dad had will also be mine as well. There are moments where I feel hope and relief, but it doesn’t last for long. As if I’m so so sure that this is going to happen. And me having magical thinking ocd doesn’t help either. Grief is hard, sometimes I cry, other times I laugh with my friends and family, but those moments I laugh is when I get terrified ( I read people who have made up the decision to (you know) are happy and laugh. Anyways, I’ve talked to my mom about it, she’s super supportive of me restarting therapy and even though she’s struggling with grief, she’s always there to listen to me and give me all the comfort I need. But I informed her about the thoughts the moment the popped up. Just so that she knows and can save me because I don’t trust myself at all. Sorry for this huge rumble, but I’d really appreciate your advice. I’m scared and so not ready to start therapy (at one hand I don’t want to, it feels such a chore, but I know I need to get help). I’m very pessimistic at the moment and I feel no one can convince me that I’ll get better. I think my future life, and it brings me this warm nice feeling and then it is followed by the thought that this will never happen. And because I have magical thinking ocd, and my uni exams have just started, I had this feeling that this exam season will be endless and it’s never going to end. Guess what, I’m probably going to just take one exam out of three (my mind is like you see, this thought and feeling came true) and that’s where I get super pessimistic. Okay, I’ll shut up for now, please give me some advice on how you try to manage your thoughts and what to do for now. Take care ❤️
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