I wanna love my gf so much but I think I'm not being able to do so because theres something wrong in my mind. I dont know if its rocd or something but theres definitely something wrong. Do yall relate ?

I am in love with my girlfriend I know it I feel it and think about it all day but I obsess over the fact I may hurt her or maybe I don’t actually like her and I’m only leading her on because I’m evil but I imagine our house in the future and our kids and it makes me feel so warm and good. But then I imagine me breaking her heart and I feel sick.

the first 4 months of our relationship i was so in love and giddy and protecting my gf and cute with her 24/7 and obsessive and bought her everything treated her amazing perfect than 4.5 months in i hit an rocd trigger and now for the last 7 months i haven’t been the same. now i just feel secure like everything is routine and she’s just my gf and lover. no excitement for future, no drive, life is just flat and feels like nothing is exciting enough, no joy just like here we go 40+ years of routine. than i see tik tok how happy they are and in love and do stuff and feel it still and know how to be secure, playful kid versions together, and also woman and man sexual versions. what’s wrong any tips am i just not that in love anymore i love her so much though

If anyone can help.. I’m suffering from ROCD.. I love my partner I do. I cry when I talk to him about this, I cry when he compliments me now, just a constant gut feeling every time I think about him or know I’m going to see him. It’s just, I cry at everything, especially when I’m with him, like I’ll be cuddling him and then I’ll think, “do you love him?” And I panic and I cry/get teary eyed. It’s just the gut feeling won’t go away. Maybe I’m in the wrong relationship? Maybe I’m upset because I’m with the amazing guy and I don’t like him anymore. I don’t know I just got upset writing this.. he is so sweet. He is my first long-term relationship. Like 2 months ago, when this started, everything before this was fine. Like literally we were about to hit our 8 month mark and then the next day he complimented me and I thought “idk if I love you anymore..” I couldn’t eat, sleep, major gut feelings. I cried and had panic attacks. Idk I know this sound pathetic but I want to love him. I don’t know if this is me seriously falling out of love or if this is ROCD. I tried getting a therapist but I can’t afford it because they don’t take my insurance. My bf is aware of EVERYTHING, And he’s been by my side the past two months since this started, but he doesn’t have ocd and doesn’t understand, so if someone could help, I would really appreciate it!!.. I just don’t know what’s going on. I miss how things were before. Quiet and happy. And now it’s just crying, gut feelings, and mess.. hopefully I don’t sound harsh and mean, im just wanting answer in what to do..