Just discovered this app, and feel like it’s the place to maybe find someone who relates/some support. So, cue rant! I’ve always been a more anxious type person, hypochondriac, fearing loss of control, but it was never to a overtaking extent. 3 years ago, I underwent a burnout during school and starting experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and panic - which scared the sh*t out of me. That was enough to start a cycle of fear and obsession about being anxious itself. It started experiencing alllll the symptoms, DP, difficulty sleeping, hyperawareness and constant checking. I would constantly check in on my breathing and mind to see if I was feeling anxious, hoping that it would go away. Obviiiiiously, as you all know, the checking never helps 😂. So I entered a vicious cycle. I ended up seeing a therapist and starting escitalopram which pretty much *cured* me within weeks/couple months. Since then, I’ve been pretty stable and ok! I actually stopped my medication approx 6 months ago, without any issues. Until last month. I’ve been through the most dreadful year, purchasing a house, renovating, being a front line health worker, you name it, this year was terrible! In December, I started feeling close to that feeling I felt before burnout; but I was still ok. Then, I watched a psychological thriller where the person has split personality/schizophrenia/psychosis, that same night I had a panic attack. Then that week, while watching tv, the show had a person going through a massive psychotic episode. *Cue the rumination cycle* I just started panicking that I would lose my mind. I started feeling disconnected, fearing loss of touch with reality, insight. I googled and googled away for symptoms of psychosis, schizophrenia, delusions, you name it - I looked it up. I then started the whole cycle of ruminating, catastrophizing. I constantly was scanning my environment for proof/disproof that I was in fact going to develop psychosis, looking for possible hallucinations. It brought me to such a state of hyper vigilance and hyperawareness and self checking that EVERYTHING triggers fear/anxiety in me. It’s almost as if nothing feels real, and I’m pretty petrified. I’m analyzing my thoughts, constantly questioning if they’re normal or not, and obviously that causes more and more anxiety. I just constantly look in my surroundings analyzing everything, seeing if they “feel/look normal” and obviously, when you analyze anything that much, everything seems weird and off. I would be triggered by the slightest glare or frown from a stranger, fearing that I was becoming paranoid or delusional. I imagine the scariest scenarios and things, and I honestly don’t even know why at this point. All to say, I guess I’m scared of being scared - which is triggering so much hyperawareness which is making my whole world and thought process distorted. I restarted the medication almost 4 weeks ago and it’s helping with the anxiety but the thoughts are so all-consuming. I have an appointment with my therapist next week, and I just can’t wait to start to get the ball rolling ! Have any of you experienced anything like this? Mental health OCD? What helped you? Let me know 🤍 * I want to clarify that I’m not in any way trying to stigmatize the community really suffering from psychosis,schizophrenia or any other mental health disorder, all my love and strength to you all. This is simply about rumination about a certain theme*

I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!

I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I relate so much to what people here are going through. I used to think it was just anxiety, and I felt like I could handle that. But lately I’ve been spiraling—constantly afraid that what I’m feeling is something worse, like psychosis or losing control of my mind. I feel so detached and scared, and I just want peace again. I have anxiety doing the smallest things, like the thought of waking up everyday and even eating give me straight up panic. I am afraid all the time, it’s paralyzing. And a lot of people say someone with psychosis wouldn’t worry that they’re in it, but then I convince myself I’ve been in it this whole time, and haven’t known, and that maybe I’ve been doing weird stuff. Idk. I also get really scared of labels. Even the idea of OCD makes me feel like I’ll never get better or like I’ll be stuck like this forever. I just want to be okay. If anyone has felt this way—confused, overwhelmed, or scared of what’s happening in their mind—I’d really appreciate any support or encouragement.

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.