Just discovered this app, and feel like it’s the place to maybe find someone who relates/some support. So, cue rant! I’ve always been a more anxious type person, hypochondriac, fearing loss of control, but it was never to a overtaking extent. 3 years ago, I underwent a burnout during school and starting experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and panic - which scared the sh*t out of me. That was enough to start a cycle of fear and obsession about being anxious itself. It started experiencing alllll the symptoms, DP, difficulty sleeping, hyperawareness and constant checking. I would constantly check in on my breathing and mind to see if I was feeling anxious, hoping that it would go away. Obviiiiiously, as you all know, the checking never helps 😂. So I entered a vicious cycle. I ended up seeing a therapist and starting escitalopram which pretty much *cured* me within weeks/couple months. Since then, I’ve been pretty stable and ok! I actually stopped my medication approx 6 months ago, without any issues. Until last month. I’ve been through the most dreadful year, purchasing a house, renovating, being a front line health worker, you name it, this year was terrible! In December, I started feeling close to that feeling I felt before burnout; but I was still ok. Then, I watched a psychological thriller where the person has split personality/schizophrenia/psychosis, that same night I had a panic attack. Then that week, while watching tv, the show had a person going through a massive psychotic episode. *Cue the rumination cycle* I just started panicking that I would lose my mind. I started feeling disconnected, fearing loss of touch with reality, insight. I googled and googled away for symptoms of psychosis, schizophrenia, delusions, you name it - I looked it up. I then started the whole cycle of ruminating, catastrophizing. I constantly was scanning my environment for proof/disproof that I was in fact going to develop psychosis, looking for possible hallucinations. It brought me to such a state of hyper vigilance and hyperawareness and self checking that EVERYTHING triggers fear/anxiety in me. It’s almost as if nothing feels real, and I’m pretty petrified. I’m analyzing my thoughts, constantly questioning if they’re normal or not, and obviously that causes more and more anxiety. I just constantly look in my surroundings analyzing everything, seeing if they “feel/look normal” and obviously, when you analyze anything that much, everything seems weird and off. I would be triggered by the slightest glare or frown from a stranger, fearing that I was becoming paranoid or delusional. I imagine the scariest scenarios and things, and I honestly don’t even know why at this point. All to say, I guess I’m scared of being scared - which is triggering so much hyperawareness which is making my whole world and thought process distorted. I restarted the medication almost 4 weeks ago and it’s helping with the anxiety but the thoughts are so all-consuming. I have an appointment with my therapist next week, and I just can’t wait to start to get the ball rolling ! Have any of you experienced anything like this? Mental health OCD? What helped you? Let me know 🤍 * I want to clarify that I’m not in any way trying to stigmatize the community really suffering from psychosis,schizophrenia or any other mental health disorder, all my love and strength to you all. This is simply about rumination about a certain theme*