I’ve reached a strange point with ROCD. I can feel myself ruminating a lot less because I’m a lot less anxious and it doesn’t seem like it’s on my mind every minute of every day. I just feel sort of empty and I can say to myself “I don’t love him” and I won’t get an anxious response, or I won’t feel as anxious as I used to. I feel sort of closed off and like I’ve built up a wall. My boyfriend doesn’t feel real and when I’m with him he feels like a stranger. It’s like I’ve spent the last 6-7 months being someone else and I’m just coming round to find myself in a weird new life, I can’t even describe it. I’m finding it so hard to connect with him and it’s just providing the OCD with more fuel. It feels like the ROCD was right all along, that I’m not in love with him. Was it even ROCD? I wish I could feel the love feelings that he does for me. He told me the other day he falls a little more in love with me everyday and I didn’t know what to say back because I’ve spent every day of our relationship doubting, questioning and searching for my own feelings. I wish the handful of days when I’ve felt in love stayed around but now the relationship is 7 months old I’m worried I’ll never feel those infatuation or loving feelings once the ROCD subsides, if it is even that to blame.