- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I definitely agree that being compassionate with yourself will help! Great job pulling back from the thoughts and thinking what would help. I will say I have relationship OCD too, and with my ex I struggled a lot with identifying what was OCD and what was him being a harmful person. If he is actually hurting you, don’t ignore it due to OCD. I try to keep a firm touch with my real feelings so I know if I am obsessing over a feeling or if something is actually hurting.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah I think that’s the hardest part. I can recognize that his humanness will sometimes hurt me, but there really is nothing toxic going on. I’m always able to talk to him about anything hurting me and he is understanding. I just sometimes will convince myself that he’s being manipulative and just saying that he understands. Idk.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Cassandragoth Like for example, I’m a much more emotional and sensitive person than he is. He doesn’t need affection as much as I do so it will hurt me when he doesn’t hug me all the time. But I can talk to him about this and he is understanding and tries to get better at showing more affection while also setting a boundary that he personally needs. Like this is a normal thing that happens in relationships but I convince myself that it means we are extremely incompatible and if he loves me enough he would naturally know what I need.
- Date posted
- 3y
I actually think I’m asking for reassurance
- Date posted
- 3y
Ok here’s what I think I need and could use some help.. I think I need to be compassionate with myself and allow myself to be upset that this situation happened. I don’t feel like I need to hate him or I’m doing myself a disservice if I forgive him. I don’t think he’s a bad person for doing this. I don’t think he’s manipulative. I do think that my brain is trying to protect itself. I do think having this thought process is an attempt at avoiding this so I don’t have to feel this way again. I do think it sucks that he did this. I don’t think this makes him evil or a terrible person.
- Date posted
- 3y
I think you’re totally right—give compassion to yourself that your brain is throwing all kinds of scary thoughts at you because this is an emotionally difficult time, and acknowledge that the actual content of the thoughts don’t matter. You are sad you broke up. Whether he liked this girl or not, etc, does not make a difference—“maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not.” You don’t need to “figure this out,” because you can’t think away the way you are feeling right now. I know this is really hard ❤️ Sometimes it helps me to say “thinking about this / trying to figure this out won’t help me right now”
- Date posted
- 3y
I could use any tips for working on self esteem or anxious attachment issues.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.
- Date posted
- 15w
I’m overanlazing alot of things. My first post on my profile covers everything but I’m so worried and like nervous reck of what my ex boyfriend could be doing. We are on no contact for almost 3 weeks now which is the longest we’ve ever gone. I’m getting so much into my head like if he already moved on, or if he’s talking with some girl already, or letting a girl hit on him. Or even going back to bad habits. It’s been driving me nuts for the past few days. I’m still mad at him for hurting me mentally but miss him too. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, wrong with the way I’m thinking, like I’m not normal for thinking these things. That he’d find me weird I wonder those things and that I check on his profile on instagram, just staring at it, blocking and un blocking him. I worry that maybe he doesn’t think of me anymore. And he just. Doesn’t care. I feel like an older version of him would say I’m being too much, that I’m overthinking to so many extents that even tho we are broken up, he’s single and so am I and I shouldn’t care this much about it. But I do. And I’m sure it’s because I’m still in love with him. Even if I’m mad and upset still.
- Date posted
- 9w
We've been together for nearly 6 months now, but our start wasn't easy. We began as friends who both liked each other but also liked someone else more. I made the conscious decision to let go of that person, but it was not the same on his side. He didn't know that I liked him back, and had absolutely no inkling that he ever had a chance, so at one point he openly told me that he found her more attractive than me because he thought it wouldn't matter since I "didn't like him anyway." He doesn't even remember that conversation but profusely apologized for saying something so dehumanizing and thoughtless when I eventually brought it up. At one point I even told him to ask her out before we continued further (after I finally confessed) because I convinced myself he'd resent me if he didn't fully explore that option. He thought that was unusual and hated that I may think of myself as a second option (not remembering that he himself had basically already put me in that position), but did it because I was so insistent. These things only became relevant again when I told him to stop calling me "the prettiest girl in the world" a while ago. I don't have a lack of confidence in my looks whatsoever, it's more-so my personality that I worry about, but whenever he said that it would make me so angry because I already knew of someone he thought was prettier. Especially because that comment he said so mindlessly that he even forgot about it, replays in my head so often. He's started saying it again recently, now that we've said our I love you's and are publicly an item to everyone we know. I almost found myself really believing it because I know he loves me. It was fine up until she returned from vacation and now stays in the same building as him, while I'm still stuck at home until it's time to return for the semester. She's been gone the entire time that our bond deepened, but now I'm constantly bothering myself with thoughts of secret insincerity on his part. That now that she's back he'll be enamored by her all over again. That he only likes me so much because she wasn't in the picture. That he'll leave me for her the second he gets a chance even though I know she has no interest. I just feel the need to get this off my chest because I don't want to tell anyone around us and risk them disliking him over something he's deeply apologized for that I should rationally know he doesn't believe anymore. I don't really want to bring it up with him either, for fear of coming off as overly jealous or territorial now that she's back, but I have a tendency to torment myself with misinterpretation of his feelings unless I directly speak with him about it unfortunately. I'll end up brainstorming how to approach it eventually, but it feels so icky right now.
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