Idk what to do. I feel sick. I… feel stupid and hurt. My first love came back into my life after leaving. I thought he would only want a friendship but he was still interested this was all online in the span of a year. We had never seen eachother in video. It was always pictures and i had makeup/ filters etc. well i thought it was time to show him myself. So no makeup no bonnet. I sent a video. He said i looked different. First sayinf 50% now saying 30%. I feel pretty hideous rn. He said he was still attracted to me sexually but i feel like he was lying. We are usually extremely sexual with eachother and it just didn’t feel the same since yesterday. He has alot of females interested in him and today he was playing with his friends and one of those females who i think is interested in him, im not sure what he thinks. He makes lots of sexual jokes to both sexes but seeing him do it with her, (and after i showed myself whoch im super insecure about even had to do an exposure about this in therapy) kind of sucks. I feel like he doesn’t want me anymore and weve barely texted all day. I feel like hes forcing himself to want me and have been going crazy in my head. Im afraid im in denial and this reminds me of when my ocd got bad again. I feel like crying, like hitting myself on the head. Like i do love this guy and maybe I shouldn’t have lwt myself fall for him w/o him seeing me? Do women even wear bonnets when their guys around? Im just so fucked inwardly rn. I want a hug or to talk to someone about it but it’s embarrassing. The guy i like decides that he doesn’t want me after seeing me for the first time? His words say he doees but his actions feel of.

Tell yourself that there are woman more attractive and he does like these other girls sit with the anxiety and doubt allow yourself to feel these things so your brain recognizes this and let’s go of the the stress it’s not easy but it will get better

I know it's hard, but I can 100% promise you that the insecurity you're feeling over this poses a greater danger to your relationship than the actual thing you're worrying about. Insecurities are like poison that cause us to self sabotage and ruin the things we care about most because we spend every day living on fear to the point that we'd rather just force the outcome we're expecting rather than sit with the uncertainty. I honestly recommend trying your best to just focus on yourself, and the things that make you happy (that isn't your significant other) . Indulge in your passions as much as possible and it will slowly build your self esteem and confidence because you'll realize that even if the outcome you're fearing does happen, you'll still have those things that make you happy and that will help you endure. I had really bad body dismorphia and thought I was the ugliest person alive, and I was constantly thinking about it to the point it affected everything I did. Once I deleted my social media and self isolated for a few years, I just focused on my hobbies and accepted that I would be alone forever, but it was only once I accepted that and stopped caring if I was ugly or not, that I finally met people who were interested in me. It's the insecurities that made me unattractive and unbearable to be around. Try not to worry so much about how you look, you don't want to be pretending or having to maintain a perfect facade in order to stay with your significant other. That's beyond exhausting and unhealthy. It's infinitely more rewarding and fulfilling to be accepted as you are. If the person you like isn't into you without the facade then yeah it hurts but that means they weren't actually into the real you in the first place. Learn to love yourself before you can expect others to do the same

Im debating just ending it now to save my mental tbh and dealing with the fallout from that or just waiting to see what happens

Challenge yourself