I hate when it’s constantly in the back of mind and I can’t put it to rest until I have answers to the “what if” thoughts in my mind telling I will never be happy or forgiven. I wish I could go back. I would do anything to go back. And the sad thing is I never had bad intentions ever. I was young and stupid and didn’t even realize what I was doing. So why am I being so hard on myself? Because of the what if thoughts saying they are true or because of OCD latching onto something that I can’t control. I feel so dark and depressed. I can’t enjoy my life or breathe. I feel like I deserve to give up. Not that I’m going to but that’s how I feel.

I will probably post about it again. I’m just so scared right now. I don’t know what else to do. I keep having thoughts of “what if the mistake you made makes you equivalent to a monster” or “that’s something a monster would of done” and telling me I need to be punished and that I’m never going to be happy or forgiven ever again. But I’ve talked to my first therapist I had about it and my mom as well and my mom told me that I’ve punished myself enough and that when I asked her if I was being too hard on myself, she said yes I was being way too hard on myself but I’m scared still. It doesn’t matter what anyone says or tells me. I feel so worried about the past and what it means about me. I keep hearing “The past does not define you” but I don’t believe that. I was a teenager, I never had bad intentions then and I definitely don’t now and I don’t think I ever will. I’m a good person with a huge heart but everything from my past is telling me otherwise. I just wish I could go back knowing what I know now

@Just Breathe ❤️ Bro u literally just explain what I was feeling except I was a child that time but teenagers are also stupid so don't worry too much

@Just Breathe ❤️ If only I could tell you how much I relate to this.I’m not going to say what I did bc I’m so scared.Bit when I was 8 I did nasty discusting things,I think that no one else has done.Satan puts it in my mind,Calls me a zoophile,Monster, disgusting person,Monster,Everyday I’m here crying.But to everyone suffering from the past including u:Can we go back,Can we change what we did,No right,Then what’s the use in thinking and thinking and thinking about it when it’s the past. Isaiah 43:18 -19 says,”forget the former things;do not dwell on the past. I know you don’t want to hear this but,It is the past,And ppl are 100% right,Every single person here has prob done nasty,horrible, disgusting things in life when they were young(I was 8 when I did horrible things)But we all have to work together and let it go. I wanna help people bc when I grow up I wanna go to college and become a therapist:)

@Ashleyyy101 I was 7 or 8 when I did some sexual stuff with another person who is around mine age but I am sacred that I didn't really get their consent and I was manipulating her or something like that. It has been so long that I don't really remember it detail and mine memories are hazy. I am almost 18 and I have been suffering for 3 months.

@Realsupercell123 I got expose to porn at that age by someone older