For those with ROCD- let me tell you my story. It was August 2021 and we were having a movie night at my apartment with some friends. Once the movie ended, my boyfriend and I said goodnight and he went back to his apartment. Then, randomly as I was getting ready for bed, I had the thought “I don’t love him anymore” and I went into an intense panic attack. My mind was spiraling and it was terrifying. I knew I loved him, but that thought caught me so off-guard because I had never had thoughts like that before. My thoughts were like: “well, if I love him then why did I think that?“ and I was just so lost. I texted my boyfriend to come down and help me calm down and eventually I felt okay again. I was fine for like a week and then I had a second panic attack about “if you really love him, why are you still having doubts and thinking this way?”. This pattern kept up for about three months. I was so miserable and being a college student, it was hard to focus in class and I felt trapped when I was in my room alone because my thoughts wouldn’t give me a break. There were even a few times I felt like breaking up with him because I was so in my head. It was getting to the point where I was having depressive thoughts like “it’s never going to get better” and “what’s the point if i’m going to be sad all the time”. That’s when I knew I needed help. Finally, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist and she told me I have OCD. It was a relief to hear, but I already kinda figured that’s what it was since intrusive thoughts defined what I was experiencing perfectly. She put me on Zoloft and it has definitely helped me. I haven’t had a panic attack in months and I definitely still have days where I have intrusive thoughts, but they aren’t nearly as bad. However, my current thoughts are: “What if I lose feelings for him in the future?”, “Why do I still feeling anxiety if I should be okay now?”. I’ve even had dreams of me cheating on him and I wake up terrified and confused. It’s hard, but I keep going because I know how I truly feel about him and I know I love him. I thank god he was supportive and stayed with me during my low point. I truly couldn’t have done it without him. I hope this helped y’all and please let me know if you can relate. I know it’s so hard, but just hang in there. You’re strong and it will get better. You know how you feel about them and the truth is if you truly didn’t love them anymore, you wouldn’t be feeling all of this fear and anxiety. It would be more of a natural acceptance. Don’t let the uncertainty control you. One day at a time.