Has anyone had relationship doubts but subconsciously? And you only had them when you thought about your partner but you weren’t like ruminating on it. Is that even ocd or just doubting? It’s not, like, active anxiety. Just this feeling of it being off and not totally what I want. Like i have this fantasy idea of what i want. But then I get sad and scared that I feel that way. And I convince myself I have to break up with him even though I don’t want to. But again, it’s not like this active questioning or anxiety. Just kinda subconsciously there and not hitting me in the face. Just lightly telling me to end it.

Sounds like you’re describing the intrusive thought stage! Then once you get scared you are ruminating or over interpreting. Also you might get the unhappy feeling after “checking” on your feelings which I’ve found can be a hidden compulsion. I’ve also seen people talk about how everyone gets those sorts of feelings and probably ignore them knowing they’re normal or chalk them up to a bad mood, but as ROCD folks we see them as threatening (which is putting too much stock into our thoughts)

Yeah idk this is like a feeling though. Not a thought. Like it FEELS off. But I do think that’s because I’m checking. Like if I think, “oh I wanna tell him about my day,” I’ll get this weird “gut” feeling that something is off or that I don’t want to. And then I will THINK, “oh he doesn’t want to hear about my day or maybe I’ll tell him and then he won’t care at all.” And then that continues. I think I have something inside telling me not to get too close and I think it’s because I’m actually just super terrified that I’m not enough for him and he doesn’t care about me and all that. But I also don’t ruminate on it. It kinda stops there. But then it will happen a lot later. Like I don’t feel like I’m having normal feelings. It seems like my mind is trying to escape or protect myself.

@Cassandragoth I think this is the thing where thoughts and feelings happen so quick that it’s actually pretty hard to detect them sometimes. Like, something brings up a feeling, you observe the feeling, and then you think, “oh no, i feel like I don’t want to be with him” and that all happens in a split second. If you stop yourself from ruminating on it in that moment that’s good! But it sounds like you are a bit since you’re posting about it lol :) (relatable)

@Cassandragoth I have also gotten in the trap of not being able to tell if feelings are normal or not and the panic starts to just snowball. I haven’t figured out how to stop it. All I’ve figured out is trying to figure it out makes it worse. Like trying not to read into it and determine if something is wrong. But then it is really painful still to endure the fact that I feel so off and I feel guilty about that and miss the love feelings. But I’ve started to conquer the we-need-to-breakup and I’m-a-fraud type feelings by replacing them with “ah I get like this sometimes, it sucks, I need to just wait for it to pass and maybe once I’m calmer I can think more clearly.” But like I said waiting for ir to pass sucks and I haven’t figured out how to escape them :(

@jello86 Yes this is exactly where I’m at too now which is good. But I know it will happen again. I’ve been listening to anxious love coach a lot which really does help

And thank you for always responding. It helps knowing I’m not alone.