I think I've cracked the code to where my OCD comes from: It all began with early exposure to pornography. For so long I've beaten myself up for making mistakes with that kind of content, but I also forget I was only a 13 year old child when it began with no outside guidance to correct my perspective in such a position. Can anyone relate? How do you forgive yourself 100% for this? How do you go on? I want to start a dialogue for something like this. Something that helps people learn sex education the right away instead of all of the toxic ways our culture seems to show.

Stuff like this should already be strongly regulated to fit the norm for societies and schools. It's heartbreaking to hear that many children are exposed to hardcore violent sexual imagery that only hurts them in the long run by adulthood.

I'm really sorry to hear that. We get curious about these things and we want to know more about the way we work as people. It's just so unfortunate that there's a lot of bad sources that will hurt them in the long run. Has it gotten better for you?

@BigGip09 I don't really know if it was only out of curiosity, because I continued to search for more so maybe I enjoyed watching them, but I just know that the intrusive images that appeared later in my life, probably consequences to this early exposure to p*rnography, were something that I absolutly didn't want to have, nor enjoyed them. For the latter question, I don't reallyknow. OCD has its ups and downs, but its downs are always very low. However talking about these things here has been very liberating. Everytime I do it, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Also sorry if I have deleted this reply a lot of times, it's because I kept noticing grammar mistakes and I felt the need to correct them.

@Nameless000 Don't worry about it. I think it's a mixture of things. Curiosity, guilt, and arousal all at the same time. At the time you probably felt some ounce of anxiety when you saw things like that, but you also enjoyed them at the same time. You continued to look for those things because they made you feel good. That's how it would work for most people, including me. It hijacks your feel good hormones and dopamine highs and you continue to seek it. I don't blame any child or teenager that's caught under something like that. Something they don't exactly understand whatsoever. We won't really know for sure but it is good to talk about. That I do agree with. For me, searching about the topic alone was enough to make me understand myself a lot more. At the same time though, it gives me a lot of difficulty due to the addiction I've had with p*** when I was only a teenager. It wasn't healthy and it was replacing what I really wanted in my life at the time: A healthy relationship with someone else and my household environment not to be toxic. I used it as an escape and I didn't want to let go of those feelings. Later on, I started to imitate what I saw in p*** with other people that I've conversed with at the time. I regret most of it, but I also don't blame myself like I used to before reading what I did.

@BigGip09 Wow thanks for the great insight!! I feel sorry for what you went through, I too was born in a toxic household, and I didn't have many friends, so I coped everything with the internet, which isn't the best thing for a kid, considering everything that can go wrong (and went). I'm happy that you realized that you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself over past mistakes, what is important is the you "now" and the fact that you feel regret means that you have changed.

@Nameless000 I wasn't necessarily born in one, but it escalated between constant arguing between parents and that's not good for a kid. I'm glad I was able to help you with talking about it. Talking about this stuff helps for me because I get better insight over the past and what others are going through. Best feeling is noticing others that feel your pain.