I hate myself with a passion. I don’t know if it’s OCD or if I should really be worried but I feel like I deserve to give up and that I need to punish myself by not receiving care or love from family and friends and that I don’t deserve food or like I said to even live. I feel so dark and scared. I don’t know what I’m going to do. My therapist says it’s rumination but I think it’s more than that. She also said that I don’t need to figure it out either but I feel like I have to otherwise I’m never gonna know if I should hate myself or not but I feel like I do.

You are doubting many things, but you are forgetting to doubt the objectivity of your thoughts. In other words, you’re far too quick to trust your doubting as helpful or based on reality. You need to take a step back. You need to stop focusing on yourself for a bit, and focus on what you know to be true. Ground yourself in the Word and prayer, in what you know is true. Spend some time thinking of yourself less, and living outwardly serving others. Ask God to help you see the truth, but don’t think that the answer will come from spending endless hours analyzing your thoughts. Diablo (Satan) means the Accuser. The Holy Spirit does not accuse, it convicts and breathes life and faith and obedience into us. So stop giving so much credit to the Accuser’s accusations, and start casting your eyes upon the Lord. Be faithful in the small things, exercise, do something for someone else, say ‘no’ to the Accuser. Get on with the things you know you should be doing, but that the Accuser keeps you distracted from doing. Proverbs 3: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”

You are placing 100% of your belief in how you feel, and you’ve not learned to trust what you know to be true. God calls us to speak the truth in our hearts. If your emotions and thoughts are consumed by guilt or self-loathing, you need to spend time in Scripture reading about the fact that Christ came to save those who are broken, for why would He come to save those who need no saving? It is because we are guilty and broken, that Christ came to save us. Know that. And know that that’s exactly the point of the Gospel—that we never deserved God’s love, but that He has chosen to love us and care for us despite our sin. Meditate on the truths of the Gospel. Pray more. Listen to some good sermons. Know that anxiety is a sin, (Philippians 4:6), and practice the art of repenting of that sin (also Philippians 6). Trust that God has the answers, and seek Him. And sure, do some homework on how our thoughts work too, but don’t underestimate the importance of pursuing God and His truths. Read Proverbs 3; do not be wise in your own eyes. In everything you do, acknowledge Him, and He will establish your paths. Be in the Word my friend! Your inner voice is not leading you well. God’s voice will always lead you well.

Don’t act like God can’t get you beyond this. That’s simply called having little faith. Pray fervently. Don’t give your thoughts so much credit. You are guilty of many things, but you are far beyond hopeless. Remember that things God has done for you and saved you from and the times He has come to your aid, turning points in your life, etc. Reaf accounts of Christians who speak of how God has rescued them, has done miracles for them. Believe. Do not be afraid. God has not given us a spirit of fear. Learn to discern the Lord’s voice, from the Devil’s. The Savior, vs the Accuser. God’s voice doesn’t lead to spinning in circles…

You probably have let Him down, but that’s because you’re a sinner. Get over it ;) Get right back in there and draw close to God while you can. Hebrews 3:15 “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”

Commit yourself and your ways to Him. Don’t go a day without praying honestly and transparently to Him, or without reading 1 chapter of Scripture, like a chapter from Proverbs or Psalms. Pursue the Lord. Don’t sit in your hands. God bless you!

You are under spiritual attack. It’s called the confusion of a sinful human being who has struggled to walk in faithfulness and a sound mind. We reap what we sew. If we sew very little, but then hope for the harvest of a life lived in the Word and prayer and wisdom, it ain’t gonna happen. If you are a believer, God will protect you. Don’t spend time looking to the left or right. Look straight ahead. What God has called the faithful to do is enough work for the day. Whatever you do, do unto the Lord, and do not forsake being devoted to Him. Repent of being lukewarm if you have been. Repent of being selfish in thought or word or deed. Say no to sin and misery, and run to the welcome arms of Jesus and His Wisdom and life and peace. His yoke is easy and burden is light. If life is too much, then you are not using the yoke of Jesus, but the yoke of your self-dependence and self-wisdom. Get out of there, and get back home to Jesus.

And remember this, nothing that you can think, say, or do, (have done or will do, etc) will surprise God. He is far more aware of your brokenness and your need for Him, than you are. So get over it, and run to Him. Believe.