- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I’ve been in the same dating relationship for over two years and I still do this- often! I’m constantly asking him if something is wrong (when nothing really is) and if he’s okay. I’m also always wishing he’d say something to reassure me that everything is good, that he still likes me, that we are still planning on a future. I totally get this. And the more I ask him, the worse I feel because I think I’m just going to annoy him and make it difficult to deal with me! The first thing is, when you’re ready, be clear with him! I explained to my boyfriend how my brain tries to trick me into thinking things are wrong, so I asked him to be super honest and come straight to me if something really IS wrong. That way I don’t have to ask all the time, because I know we’ve established that he will just let me know! I also just asked him to be patient with me. A simple talk goes a long way. What also helps me is mentally separating what’s real and what’s not real. Maybe sit down and decide now what types of feelings and situations you’re going to choose to ignore even when your brain doesn’t want to. For me, the “gut feeling” is usually actually OCD.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you, this is really helpful! It's really hard because he honestly sucks at being romantic and expressing feelings. And thats okay, we both have to learn, but he told me that he took a couple of months before breaking up with his ex while he was thinking about it for those months. So I've been trying to convince him to don't do that with me and be honest with me. The reaction I got is that he'll try but that he finds it hard. So I made clear to him that he would hurt me more by keeping me on the hook, so he knows that. But it's still so fucking scary
- Date posted
- 3y
Absolutely. I get that. The guy I’m dating had never had a serious girlfriend before. Like ever. So sharing emotions was super hard for him at first. I’ve also realized that I’m not the only one who’s growing and needs patience, and I decided he was worth it:) so if you decide he’s worth working on that with, that’s great!! communication is key
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you a lot! It's hard to realise that you need to work on yourself because I know that if I keep on handling my relationship this anxious I'll push him away. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, thank you so much!
- Date posted
- 3y
Of course!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
- Date posted
- 23w
I'm struggling really hard with relationship obsessions. Do I really love my partner? How can I know? Am I really just faking it? That kind of thing. It's making my life and relationship a lot harder than they need to be. I could use a few helpful coping mechanisms, trying to move away from less helpful ones like chasing reassurance.
- Date posted
- 22w
When my boyfriend and I are apart, it honestly feels like I've lost all feelings for him. I start questioning everything, wondering if I even love him at all. Then, when we're finally together again, the memory of those earlier doubts creeps in and completely ruins the moment. I get so caught up in overthinking and analyzing my feelings that I can't even enjoy being with him. It's like I'm constantly second-guessing myself. The worst part is, sometimes later, when we're still together, I do feel the love. But then the anxiety kicks in again! I start worrying that I'm just faking it because I had those doubts earlier in the day. It's this endless cycle of questioning, doubting, and overthinking, and it's exhausting. I'm really struggling to stay present when we're together, and it feels like this constant cycle is preventing me from truly connecting with him. We have been together for three years and we love together, and I just started feeling this way about a month ago; it’s been almost every day since. One day, I randomly thought about breaking up with him. Our relationship is healthy, especially compared to my previous toxic one, where I was anxiously attached for two and a half years. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I have talked to him about my doubts and everything I’m experiencing, and he continues to support, care for, and help me through it all. I am very grateful for that. One aspect of my current relationship that I would like to improve is our communication, but we are both willing to work on it together. I often find that my overthinking leads me to question whether I really want to try to fix things or if I’d rather just continue as we are. This creates a constant push and pull in our relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to break this cycle and just be present in the moment? I'd love to hear from anyone who's been through something like this.
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