Europeans know that the media is full with the possibility of a war between Russia and Ucraine, and all i can see is that people are ready to the war, it will be a war here too,they will put us to fight and kill people to save ourselfs... and my mental health isnt the best for that right now, im thinking of i will not survive that, i will get crazy or super depressed, i will get lot of ptsd which will be worse bc of my weak mental health and it will be a suffering. Got to a point where i was affraid that life will not matter to me and the amount of stress will make me to kill myself bc i will feel so hopeless... and the scary part is that i felt the hopelessnes and im scared, my mind is so anxious that it thinks about suicide, bc theres no hope in a world like this... and that just made me more anxious and hopeless that i can think like this and actually i might thinked that if that happens i kill myself bc life will not be how i imagined. Can ocd confuse you this much? Im feeling guilty again, this is not how i should think...

Am so tired I see no reason to clean no reason to try or think it’s all going to get better. My OCD, keeps telling me we are in the second great depression and we’re going to head to World War III soon. And that there’s no reason in living anymore and I should end it before I see the horrors unfold in front of me. It tells me that I am suffering enough and it’s time to let go. There’s no reason to keep suffering only to die later without any sort of fix to the situation. I cry constantly to myself about the economy about who’s in charge of the US about how I’m gonna live in such a world about how different prices were about how the older generations had it better.. And now my OCD keeps telling me that they’re the bad people. They’re the ones who should suffer. They’re the ones who did this to us. The boomers are the ones that led my generation down into this hell. And it drives me crazy. I think about it every day and it constantly repeats itself telling me that I should just let go that it’s time to let go. I’m only 18 but I’ve been worrying about the economy in the third world war since the age of 12. My psychiatrist said that I am burdened by my intelligence. And my OCD loves to torture me with it. I can’t get out of this malicious cycle of feeling OK OCD coming back giving me anxiety leading to depression. And compulsions of suicide, I just don’t think I’ll be able to live in this world. I don’t think it’s worth it and I think it’s just going to be painful. I went to an abandoned gas station that was abandoned in the early 70s. I found a Coke bottle from the 1960s halfway embedded in the dirt. It was fully intact not even a scratch on it. The glass was thick and sturdy. It looked like it can last forever. Instead of having a rapper that displayed all of the details on it all of the textures of the words in the brand and everything you needed to know was engraved into the glass itself. And you know what?? Back then that was only $.10.. now a Coke with a plastic wrapper made out of plastic in a smaller size is about 3 to 4 dollars.. I just can’t I tried to take my mind off of it, but while I’m growing in, and my OCD loves to taunt me. I can’t seem to pretend like everyone else it’s just too out in the open and my OCD, won’t let me forget. It’s like my own personal hell.

i’m having a full on panic attack, i never used to be like this, what tf is happening to me, why am i like this, i’m so convinced i’m a horrible person and i deserve to be shut out forever because of my thoughts, i’m tired of struggling with harm ocd, i’m scared that because i have mental health issues i’m gonna end up ki!!ing someone someday or end up on the news, when i was at work earlier i kept thinking “how easy would it be to ki!! someone and get away with it” someone help, i don’t feel normal, am i crazy?… 😭😭i know that with ocd you’re not supposed to have reassurance and you have to be “okay” with the situation but.. how am i supposed to be okay with feeling like i could hurt someone…

This is sort of a sub part of the religious OCD, but I have Meta OCD as well. My main fear is ocd driving me to do a horrible prayer. Unfortunately, one thing my mind does is prays for things I want constantly to prove that I can choose what I pray for. Some of these things include either my ocd to go away, people to be safe, or to die by being killed by a an animal or something when I’m running on the trial. The issue is with the being killed thing. I have prayed for all sorts of things I know are not going to happen. Unfortunately, one of them was almost world war 3. I’m not usually that kind of person. I read someone say they basically prayed for disaster every day on Reddit and people didn’t completely destroy them over it, so I thought “well I could pray for world war 3.” The issue is, if I were my normal calm self, I wouldn’t do that. All I would be thinking about is how I would die if it happened. I’m not sure if testing the prayers are somehow warping my actual values or if that’s an excuse I’m making for myself. When I’m running on the trail, I really wouldn’t want to be killed by an animal either, but I guess I mean it, cause I want to die. But I know it’s not going to happen. So I’m not sure if this is an ocd issue or not