Do I have to tell my partner my sin I’m struggling with or had struggled? For example he once asked me if I find his brother attractive and I said no but I did but it was my own problem. Do I confess this now? (For example impure thoughts or thoughts that are not okay) ?

Even as a Christian ?

@Janajana Yes. God knows your heart and your struggles with OCD. OCD will make you think you have to confess "perfectly" and live a "Perfect" Christian life. But it's simply not possible. If it was, then Jesus died for nothing.

@Janajana Confession to God and to other Christians is an important spiritual discipline, recommended in Scripture, which is why you don’t want it to be hi jacked by OCD. You can’t rush your guilt (either its arrival, by self-punishment, or its departure, by confession or atoning by works). It will come, it will do its work, and it will go. You must let it do so. We tend to think that scrupulosity makes us righteous, and maybe it does help in some ways, but it often prevents us from really assimilating repentence into our being, which takes time, time we often forfeit by compulsively confessing. If confessing is simply a way to get rid of our feelings of guilt, then it only serves to feed cycles of sin and false repentence. Let guilt be there. Let God bring you to the Cross and show you the severity of your sin and the depth of his mercy and forgiveness. When you no longer feel you need it to be safe, you can confess. That said, your question is whether or not to confess to your boyfriend specifically. That might be a yes or no. You can decide what you think about it when you don’t feel you *have* to confess to alleviate your pain.

@CaptainKierkegaard This is a great answer! I never thought of it that way before, but you are absolutely right!

@CaptainKierkegaard Thank you . My answer would be no because I know that it would unesseary hurt him and it is my own sin . But is it okay to keep it for myself ? Does scripture tell us to do these things ? I feel scared messing up my relationship because of my guilt and OCD

@Lms526 Thank you

@Janajana There’s no direct indication in Scripture of whether you should confess to your boyfriend specifically, but there is indication to confess to other Christians who help keep you accountable (“Therefore confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another,” so that you may be healed, James 5:16). This is, again, not something which should be done to relieve your guilt (the healing is not of guilt but of sin), but once you have properly dealt with the OCD part of the equation. I would suggest that this person not be your boyfriend. You need someone you don’t have to tiptoe around your words with. On the other hand, it may be good for your boyfriend to know what you struggle with in general, depending on how serious your relationship is. If you get married, he probably will know eventually, at least in terms of the things you generally struggle with (e.g. he will probably know that you struggle with lust vs. that you lusted after x at time t). Again, it’s not to relieve your guilt. You have to let that run its course. But it would probably be good, at some point, when you feel you have sat with the ocd feelings long enough, just to let hin know you struggle with lust. Nothing more specific than that. By the way, I have been in a similar boat when I relapsed with my porn addiction. I confessed to my girlfriend. There was a world of hurt afterwards. Not a drop relief to be found for days. Any part of me that wanted to say “oh it’s not that bad,” was shut up immediately. I learned two things: 1. sin is truly vile and 2. I need a fellow Christian to keep me accountable instead of making it my girlfriend’s business. But the plus is that my girlfriend knows about my sin struggles (she knew about that before but only in past tense), and sees me as what I am: a sinner. Not a perfect person who will never disappoint her. And that’s where her love really showed itself to be something special. For now, wait. Just sit with the guilt and anxiety and whatever you feel. At some point, see if you can connect with your local church and find other Christians to be accountable with (btw I am still in the process of finding friends like this and letting down the walls. So I know how hard it is.)

@CaptainKierkegaard Yes thank you! I think telling that I struggle with lust in not a specific way is good, but not with wich people because it would just make his head go crazy about this. I really want to find a church community as you suggested. Thank you for your time answering me and God bless you and help you with your struggles!