- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
It is SO fair to be frustrated about this situation. You have the right to be frustrated if you don’t feel comfortable with him watching porn, those are your feelings, Nothing unfair about that. I am so sorry you’re going through this, totally torturous in the mind and it probably makes your heart drop (you know that feeling). it’s horrible and makes you feel inadequate, I went through the same thing. He’s probably going to keep arguing his side/hiding it/acting like you’re the bad guy just to make no sacrifice. But if he watches porn, then he reduces the thrill he gets from the human interaction with you, and that is not supportive of the relationship. Lmk what you think!
- Date posted
- 3y
He says he doesn’t watch porn. He told me at the beginning of the relationship he doesn’t like porn or strip clubs. He has told me his experience with strip club once with his friends & told me he wouldn’t go back to one.
- Date posted
- 3y
When we had a talk about this, he told me “ can I tell you something? I don’t want to sound gross but I think of you when I do it”.
- Date posted
- 3y
He said he didn’t want to lie to me. That he just wants to be treated like a human being & that all guys do it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Why you are not okay with mastubation tho? I see it like a normal need of mankind! Like eating or drinking! Anyway, sorry too personal maybe! But your bf, in my pov, lied exactly like a coward! He didn't tell you the truth because he is afraid of your reaction??? WOH I would be really passed off!! He prefers lying and hiding his personality from you instead of finding a compromise??
- Date posted
- 3y
That is not a good way to solve a problem, I'll try to explain him that!
- Date posted
- 3y
Unless im missing something here, do you really think it’s realistic/ fair to ask him not to masterbate? Its his body.
- Date posted
- 3y
Yeah, I think that too, but is it the principal point? He lied to her instead of confronting! Even if he was In right, that is wrong!
- Date posted
- 3y
Someone who dealt with the same issue in ROCD said that having that expectation most likely was a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Stefanie86 Ok but like im not understanding. And i deadass dont mean to sound ignorant, i just do not understand. I could see if he was watching porn or something, because the thought of my husband watching porn makes my skin crawl. But you say he doesn’t. Lying is wrong, do not get me wrong. He should be straight up with you about it. But also, its not your place to tell him not to masterbate. It’s natrual. If its an ocd thing why you ask him not to, then you really need to work on the erp involving that. Again, i feel like im missing something here.
- Date posted
- 3y
Oh well that’s a relief then !
- Date posted
- 3y
When I ask him if he has done it since he admitted this to me he says no.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
Recently my bf wanted to confess to a comment he made to his friends that always bothered him that he said this and it was literally within the first week we had met. (It’s sweet that he wanted to apologize for it, he even teared up bc he knew it would hurt my feelings) He told his friends that I was “super pretty but that he also thinks these girls on tiktok are hot” (girls with piercings and dark makeup, basically alt/ goth looking). Then he said “I just think that look is attractive.” He said the only reason he brought it up was bc he was on tiktok when he was talking to his friends (on discord) and a girl popped up on his FYP and made him think what he finds more attractive. Then his friends wanted to see pictures of me and everyone agreed I was pretty. Then like 3 days later he was talking to his friends again (they only ever talk through discord bc they don’t live in the same city) and was basically just raving about me and how pretty I am. Then his friends said “what about the tiktok girls and what you said” and then my bf said “I was trippin”. This is making my ocd so bad bc I kept ruminating if I should add it to the list of reasons why we need to break up or if this was my “sign” to end it. But then I also get reminded of the positive, like when he told me the first time he saw me he thought I was the prettiest girl he’d ever seen, and has even reassured me by showing me messages of him talking to his best friend about me (also the same week of us first talking) and told him that I was “actually perfect” and “INSANELY pretty”. I try not to be upset at him since this was when we barely knew each other and his type back then was more emo/alt girls at the time and I look different. But I have spiraled so much about it bc I don’t want him to settle for me. He’s tried reassuring me so many times that he was always very attracted to me and never thought anyone was prettier than me, he said just in that brief moment that look still caught his eye but that it went away super fast. He also tried explaining to me that “hot” doesn’t mean “better” or even “prettier” just that the look itself is what he used to describe as hot. He said “hot” is also a casual thing to say, especially to guy friends. Whereas to me, hot means the BEST looking. Sometimes I want him to admit that he was just not that attracted to me in the beginning/more attracted to tiktok girls in the beginning bc it makes more sense to me LOL but that’s just me being annoying and I get very bothered when someone tries to sugar coat things rather than telling me the harsh truth. I think this may be another common thing in ocd, like just WANTING him to tell me the worst case scenario bc it’s more logical to me that way. He ends up crying with me bc of how sad he feels that I have such low self esteem from it and also is so frustrated that I won’t believe him, even though he was honest enough to want to share this with me. Sometimes I think he is playing two truths and a lie to make his explanations more believable. Am I making him out to be a villain who always wants to manipulate me or is this just an instinct I have when I feel that someone is not telling me the truth. We’ve had other problems with him not wanting to be brutally honest bc of how I react so it always scares me that he is always telling me a fabricated story. I also am starting to feel embarrassed for myself and for him being with me. I wish someone could just tell me if the things he’s done or said are deal beakers
- Date posted
- 16w
When I was single, I watched a lot of porn, specifically lesbian porn even though I’m straight. When I got into my current relationship I dwindled down and eventually stopped watching porn of any kind, around six or so months ago. I had a flare up recently that has caused me to question every part of myself including my sexuality and my identity, my relationship, and other things that are important and valued to me, and porn keeps popping up in all of these things. I feel like my porn usage was me cheating on my boyfriend, especially in the early parts of our relationship. I broke down to him last month about it and he said it was okay, that he forgives me, but I’m still hung up on it because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve wronged him and that I’m a terrible person and that I need to leave him because of this. This is so excruciatingly painful. I don’t want to keep confessing over and over and over again, but I don’t want to be a dirty lying cheater, which I feel like I am.
- Date posted
- 12w
My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".
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