- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hello! There is nothing you can do about the past, you can only use the past to learn from your mistakes. Unless you have a time machine you won’t be able to go back and take back what you said. What you can do instead is recognize the lessons from the past and apply those lessons to your current and present relationships. I would try apologizing to your SO and show them that you are trying to change. Tell them you are sorry and you will do better to not say anything mean to them. Use your past experiences to shape your present and future. Beating yourself up over the past will not change anything. The only thing you can change is how you act in the present. You got this!
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey thank you! I have apologized several times. We are divorcing after 17 years of marriage. The OCD is a major part of it. I am an ERP therapy and my therapist said a very important distinction with me that has significantly helped me with understanding my relationship better. My SO also says mean things to me. But the motivation from me and my SO comes from different places. While I say things that are very upsetting, it comes from the anxiety and my need for reassurance that I am not an awful human being. Its not what I should be doing but I don’t say mean things about her. My SO however says things to me that come from a place of frustration and anger. They are meant to hurt. I know that what I have said is hurtful to her. I acknowledge that and try to take responsibility for saying them. The difference is in the motivation behind them. This distinction has greatly improved my understanding of my relationship.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@MikeOH2LA I’m glad that your therapist has helped you realize that. I wish you nothing but the best! Continue to work hard with your therapist!
- Date posted
- 3y
@NOCD Advocate - Greg J. Thank you Greg! I appreciate that.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I am sorry you are having a difficult time. There is one important thing to note: we have all done things in our past that we are less than proud of and cringe when we think about it. None of us can erase it. The truth is we cannot change the past, because we live only in the present. Everyday is a new day and a new opportunity to do better. And what OCD is telling you is not truth - it’s an intrusive thought with no value. It takes many situations and blows them so far out of proportion that OCD creates false memories. Som when ocd rears it’s ugly head, sit with the anxiety and do not try and argue with it, or try to disprove it. You may even consider agreeing with it, saying oh yeah I am a horrible person. Not because that is the truth, rather because it does. It give the ocd any outlet to go somewhere else with this. It can’t argue when you say of course I am a terrible person. I hate everyone and I couldn’t care less. Again, not because it is absolute truth, but as a way to break the ocd cycle. I hope this helps.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
My last post I talked about what I had done and how I ruined my relationship the best thing that has ever happened to me and me and my boyfriend have been working on it and fixing things this passed month and he just told me we are single yet committed to each other we are giving each other space so he can make sure he wants this I’ve ruined it in the passed month from everything happening u have been pushing acting as if everything is normal and not growing it’s my fault it’s all my fault I broke this I can’t do this right I love him with everything in me and I just wanted to make things right I’m sorry
- Date posted
- 22w
Hi. I am going through something really hard right now, and I could use some insight, especially from others who deal with OCD and morality-based spirals. There was a time during a really emotional conversation with my boyfriend when he said something incredibly painful. He said something like he only felt lust for me but did not feel love anymore. I was completely crushed. It felt like everything I believed about our relationship was ripped out from under me. In that moment, I told him that what he said felt like rape. I want to be really clear. I knew even then that it was not a good or accurate comparison. It was not assault. I was trying to express how emotionally violated and broken I felt, and that word came out. I even labeled it directly, not just compared it, and that is what has been haunting me. I feel like I kept going along with it, not because I wanted to lie or manipulate, but because I felt like if I backed down from it, he would not understand the depth of how hurt I was. He didn’t seem to understand any other way. Later, when we tried to be intimate again, I told him not to touch me. And even though a part of me did want closeness, I still felt like I had to react that way, like I had to follow through with what I had said earlier. I wanted so bad for him to understand the impact of his words. That part is killing me. It makes me feel like I was not being authentic, that I was performing a reaction instead of living it. I feel like I acted like a survivor when I was not one, and I hate myself for that. Now, OCD is eating me alive over it. It keeps telling me I am a liar, a manipulator, and someone who cannot be trusted. And it feels so real. But I also know I was hurting. I was not trying to deceive anyone. I was just overwhelmed, desperate to be understood, and probably influenced by years of invalidation from my family over almost everything. I have talked to my boyfriend about it and apologized. He told me he understands and forgives me. But I cannot forgive myself, and I do not know if what I did is forgivable. Has anyone ever been in a similar place? I feel so so awful this was 3 years ago. Now I feel like I can’t trust any of my emotions. I’m analyzing every reaction, past and present, trying to decide if it was “real enough” or if I was somehow dishonest. It feels like OCD has completely hijacked my sense of self. Please help :(
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- Date posted
- 20w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
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