- Date posted
- 3y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Hello! There is nothing you can do about the past, you can only use the past to learn from your mistakes. Unless you have a time machine you won’t be able to go back and take back what you said. What you can do instead is recognize the lessons from the past and apply those lessons to your current and present relationships. I would try apologizing to your SO and show them that you are trying to change. Tell them you are sorry and you will do better to not say anything mean to them. Use your past experiences to shape your present and future. Beating yourself up over the past will not change anything. The only thing you can change is how you act in the present. You got this!
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey thank you! I have apologized several times. We are divorcing after 17 years of marriage. The OCD is a major part of it. I am an ERP therapy and my therapist said a very important distinction with me that has significantly helped me with understanding my relationship better. My SO also says mean things to me. But the motivation from me and my SO comes from different places. While I say things that are very upsetting, it comes from the anxiety and my need for reassurance that I am not an awful human being. Its not what I should be doing but I don’t say mean things about her. My SO however says things to me that come from a place of frustration and anger. They are meant to hurt. I know that what I have said is hurtful to her. I acknowledge that and try to take responsibility for saying them. The difference is in the motivation behind them. This distinction has greatly improved my understanding of my relationship.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@MikeOH2LA I’m glad that your therapist has helped you realize that. I wish you nothing but the best! Continue to work hard with your therapist!
- Date posted
- 3y
@NOCD Advocate - Greg J. Thank you Greg! I appreciate that.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I am sorry you are having a difficult time. There is one important thing to note: we have all done things in our past that we are less than proud of and cringe when we think about it. None of us can erase it. The truth is we cannot change the past, because we live only in the present. Everyday is a new day and a new opportunity to do better. And what OCD is telling you is not truth - it’s an intrusive thought with no value. It takes many situations and blows them so far out of proportion that OCD creates false memories. Som when ocd rears it’s ugly head, sit with the anxiety and do not try and argue with it, or try to disprove it. You may even consider agreeing with it, saying oh yeah I am a horrible person. Not because that is the truth, rather because it does. It give the ocd any outlet to go somewhere else with this. It can’t argue when you say of course I am a terrible person. I hate everyone and I couldn’t care less. Again, not because it is absolute truth, but as a way to break the ocd cycle. I hope this helps.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I can be way too hard on myself and beat myself up over the smallest slip up in regards to OCD. Sometimes it can feel like I'm gaslighting myself on what was "so blatantly and obviously a moral atrocity in thought and intent", when 95% of the time I'm not even sure what my own intent with dealing with these thoughts is or why I do what I do. It makes me feel like some shameless beast for "daring to even entertain the thought of something so VILE!!!" When I just get so confused and scared on moral issues, like my mind is pulled down a rabbit hole I can't escape until the tricks are done on me and it's too late, i've accepted such ideas I hate until that hate and trying to not give in convince me "it might not be that bad". It feels like anything, even the most mundane things can trigger this. This cycle happens mainly because I feel like there's "no way to escape committing more 'attrocities' in thought or compulsion anyway"...and these cycles become the basis for more of these incidents. there a way to stop this? There have been multiple times where I called myself the R word, and even knowing it's a slur I still called myself that because "I'm nothing if not deserving of such scorn". Any attempt to stop the madness makes it worse and it's like all this I talked about is so convincing I dare not question it until after the fact. Please help.
- Date posted
- 21w
I ruin every single relationship that I'm in with my OCD I admit every single thing I do even when it really isn't a big deal ,if I don't admit I feel unbearable anxiety and I don't know what to do about it , I'm always on edge worried I've done something wrong always searching my mind and actions for a slip up it's exhausting I keep spiralling wondering if I will ever actually be with someone and be able to have a happy and healthy relationship Please tell me I'm not alone I don't know what else to do
- Date posted
- 16w
I’m ruining my relationship, and idk if it’s OCD or if I’m just an awful person. I’m tired of constantly fighting with my boyfriend. but I have no one to blame but myself. I can’t stop picking apart everything they say, I can’t stop being so negative, I can’t stop overthinking and obsessing, I can’t stop feeling like they’re lying or being inconsistent. I constantly ask too many questions to the point where I feel he thinks I’m stupid. I’m starting to feel stupid myself. It seems like I can’t understand basic conversations with my boyfriend anymore unless they’re super black and white. He deserves better. I don’t deserve love. I feel like I’m destroying the one thing that makes me happy. I don’t feel happy with him anymore because we’re constantly fighting. And it’s all my fault. I think I’m just an awful, crazy person
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